Song about loss (please review)

[SonicGreenhouse]

Hello,

Please offer some criticism on this song about loss. My hope is to submit it to the following listing. ( I know the piano and vocals need attention)
Thanks!

Sometimes I Forget


PIANO-Based POP BALLADS with Lyric Themes about Loss are needed for an (up to) $500, Direct-to-Producer placement in an Independent Feature Film!

This film's Producer is currently looking for Down-to-Mid-Tempo Songs with Male or Female Vocals, in the general stylistic wheelhouse of the following reference we got from him:

"Supermarket Flowers" by Ed Sheeran

Lyric Tip: Lyrically they’re looking for Songs that revolve around a loss of a loved one, angels, and/or going to heaven.

CHECK THIS OUT: It's possible that they may use your Song in the End Credits of the film as well!

Please submit intimate Songs that convey a sad and reminiscent mood. Your submissions should have great lyrics, emotionally moving melodies, and compelling choruses that will resonate with the audience. Judging from the reference they gave us, it’s apparent that the client is looking for relatively soft, stripped-down piano-driven pieces. Please make sure your vocal performances are heartfelt, honest, and believable.

Lyrics that avoid references to specific names, dates, times, brands, and places will make your Songs easier to place. Please do NOT copy the referenced artist or Song in any way, shape, or form. Use it as a general guide for tempo, tone, and overall vibe. Broadcast Quality is needed.

The license fee for this placement is (up to) $500, depending on the ultimate use. This is a Non-Exclusive, Direct-to-Producer placement, so you’ll keep 100% ownership of your Copyright and Master Recording, plus you’ll also get 100% of the License Fee and any applicable performance royalties. You must own or control your Copyright and Master Recording to pitch for this opportunity. Please submit as many Songs as you’d like, online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by a TAXI A&R Screener who works directly with the Music Supervisor! Submissions must be received no later than 11:59 PM (PDT) on Thursday, May 21st, 2020. TAXI # S200521SF

[AlanHall]

I like the flow and the mood of the music. Very nice arrangement, different from what I expected looking at a picture of a guy holding a guitar

Notice how while the ref tracks does use "I" quite a bit, most of the lyrics are about drawing a picture (Ed leads with the example supermarket flowers) and especially about the YOU that he lost. I think it was in a Dean Krippaehne book where I read how important it is to get the listener to connect with the song. This lyric sounds to me like it's about the singer, and not about the loss.

[Zaychi]

Cool song. Don' t mess too much with it, you can ruin it before you know it.

[SonicGreenhouse]

Hi Alan,

That is a great point that I din't think about putting this together. I think instead of rewriting this one, I should write another. Do you think this might fit the genre? (I hate to admit I struggle with that a bit, but I'm working on it!) I do need to update all my pics... that was a much younger me with very differewnt tastes!

Thank you very much for your input!

Floyd

[SonicGreenhouse]

Hello Zaychi,

Thank you very much for the kind words!
I have done exactly that in the past... over edited/produced and completely ruined the feel and magic of the song. I appreciate your insight!

Thanks again!

[AlanHall]

Hi Alan,

That is a great point that I din't think about putting this together. I think instead of rewriting this one, I should write another. Do you think this might fit the genre? (I hate to admit I struggle with that a bit, but I'm working on it!) I do need to update all my pics... that was a much younger me with very differewnt tastes!

Thank you very much for your input!

Floyd

I think the song is a great "confessional" piece. I certainly can't say how the screener will react (16 submissions and one forward, so I clearly DON'T know), I just thought I'd throw out my 2 cents. Carry on!

[SonicGreenhouse]

I think the song is a great "confessional" piece. I certainly can't say how the screener will react (16 submissions and one forward, so I clearly DON'T know), I just thought I'd throw out my 2 cents. Carry on!

I appreciate your opinion and believe it has merit.
Unbiased ears are important!

Thanks again Alan!