Staring Out The Window (UPDATE)

[audiorayne]

Hi All,Happy new year to everyone! Hope you had a good holiday with your family and friends. [Note: I edited this post to get to the point quicker, but didn't feel like it sounded like me (I'm wordy I suppose) so I put my ramblings back in... ]I’ve been delinquent from the boards for a few weeks so I must apologize – been working my brains out on some new stuff, went on vacation in Canada (brought most of my Pro Tools rig with me of course), didn’t have internet, then got snowed in and couldn’t return to Houston till yesterday. Needless to say I’m chomping at the bit to see what I missed around here - from the little bit I’ve seen I’ve got some catching up to do!Back at the end of November I got some great advice from forum members about correspondence I was having with an A&R rep for a film & TV music library (http://taxi.proboards27.com/index.cgi?b ... 1196182341). Long story short – they wondered if I had any extra material and I told them that I did and would send them some new and updated stuff mid-January. Of course, I’d like for the forum folks to hear it (and tear it apart ) first, so here’s a new tune I’ve been working on called “Staring Out The Window.” If anyone has any comments on structure, lyrics, production, etc. please let me know! Thanks so much,-AR“Staring Out The Window”http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... Lyrics:Why did I have to break?Why do you have to stay so mad?Why do you have to go?And leave me staring out the windowSomebody tell meWhat is faith?What is trust?What is life but falling dust?Don’t let ‘em take it all awayWhat is joy?What is doubt?We were what I smiled aboutYou tore my world when you walked outI wish you would have loved me the sameBut I’m staring out the window againI’m searching for someone who loves me for meAnd not for what I can changeSo I’m staring out the windowI wonder if I should ask herHoney could you come back in?When I tell you everything’s going to be all rightBe all right you better believe meSo honey tell meWhat is fear?What is love?Why can’t we just rise above?Just take my hand and save my soul I wish you would have loved me the sameBut I’m staring out the window againI’m searching for someone who loves me for meAnd not for what I can changeI wish I knew you’d love me tomorrowBut the morning’s just a guessing gameGive her what she needsIt’s all that any man can doJust pray that nothing takes her awayWhat is faith for you?You had my trustBut now I’m staring asYou walk away from usWhat is fear for me?You took my loveI’m sorry that I brokeIt’s what I feared the mostWhy do you have to go?I wish you would have loved me the sameBut I’m staring out the window againI’m searching for someone who loves me for meAnd not for what I can changeSo I’m staring out the windowI wish I knew you’d love me tomorrowBut the morning’s just a guessing gameGive her what she needsIt’s all that any man can doJust pray that nothing takes her awaySo I’m staring out the windowWhat in the world are we waiting for?What in the world are we waiting for?What in the world are you waiting for?I wish you would have loved me the sameBut I’m staring out the window againI’m searching for someone who loves me for meAnd not for what I can changeSo I’m staring out the window

[audiorayne]

Hey folks - if anyone out there has a chance, I'd really appreciate any thoughts you might have on this one! I still have a few days to fiddle with it before my deadline, and I trust your opinions so please let me know.. Thanks! -ARP.S. I just read the latest newsletter and noticed that ML put in part of my original post on this topic! Cool! (Love what he said about not "shooting your wad" on the first interaction... which is totally what I did!.. Oh well - gotta learn from those experiences and just keep moving forward!)

[paults]

This is a great song and performance. Nice job!My only suggestions are-Don't fade it out. It can end right after the vocals, with the acoustic.The short "bass only" break might be more powerful if the drums are playing it,too.Paul

[pesmitty]

This song is fantastic! I love it. It sounds perfect for some of the shows using a lot of music these days. Are you available to do vocals on others' tracks? I write mostly country songs ( www.myspace.com/perrysmithmusic.com only a couple tracks there now), but I am working on some stuff right along the lines of your tune. Your voice would be great for them. I would be able to send you the pro tools session files and would just need some vocals and harmonies mixed in. Would love to have you do it, so let me know if you are available and we can chat about it.Great work!

[geo]

Nice song, very "hooky". I agree, add a button ending if you can, I think libraries prefer them. You might consider dropping the "So " (or the "So I'm") off the hook, it might make it flow a little smoother, it's not that bad as is, but seems a little rushed.Good job, good luck... Geo

[Casey H]

Hi 'RayneNice track. I listened a few times... I like it a lot! I hear a little Nickelback in there... These are my initial thoughts for improvements, FWIW... I'd shorten it, tightening it up so there is more emphasis on the title/hook line. At times it wanders a bit musically and lyrically (story) in the "what is love, faith, etc" sections. During the (very nice!) instrumental, would it be better to repeat "staring out the window" instead of "why do you have to go"? I might suggest more emphasis on what happened and how you are now left staring out the window than the whole questioning of what is love, etc. There isn't much story here- it could use more, although I'm the first one to say that in rock music you can get away with a lot less story.I wasn't crazy about the guitar intro. It seemed out of character for the genre and type of song- more folk-rockish IMO...What did you mean in the opening line, "Why did I have to break"?I really enjoyed the song! These were my reactions and, of course, when critique-ing, we tend to focus on what could be better.Warmest, Casey

[vicky]

hey there...I'm new, but I'll put in my 2cents....I'm with Casey on the guitar intro....it doesn't seem to fit rhythmic personality of the rest of the song.....maybe use idea from 'Why do you have to go?' area of song, so it's tied together....not sure if ending is right; I'm under the impression that fade outs aren't as popular....great balance and hooks.....good luck,Vicky

[geo]

Hey Vicky the bassplayer, you're a junior member now (and obviously know your stuff) you can stop saying I'm new around here !!! Geo

[vicky]

geo....I've spent alot of time sitting next to the engineer, so commenting is sort of what I know how to do...actually doing it on the board or computer is a whole other thing...until then I'm pretty new in my mind...good luck everyone...Vicky

[audiorayne]

Thanks so much everyone for your comments. There's a couple things I'd like to elaborate or get clarification on for what has been said so far…- Vicky and Casey both commented on the guitar intro – are you referring to the two bars at the top with just the guitar, or do you include the first vocal passages before the kick comes in as well? I was thinking I’d maybe put the first four bars of the chorus at the beginning (up until “but I’m staring out the window again”) to replace the bare guitar and then come right in with the first verse as is. Worth a try, or is the first vocal section (the “why did I have to break” section) too “folky”?- The lyric “break” can be interpreted to mean that I (narrator, or “the dude” in the song) lost my temper, or that I otherwise took a “break” from my normal behaviour, that wasn’t in line with the way she wanted me to be. I like to leave things open to interpretation, and I think that line is kind of memorable, but at the same time I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot here, so if you think that line is more confusing than memorable, let me know. Note that “breaking” is brought up again in the bridge.- On that same note – I was thinking I would change the “what is life but falling dust” to “what is happiness for us” because falling dust is kind of pessimistic and doesn’t really make sense (if you’re sober ), which may be too vague. What do you think?- I agree about the ending. A short (couple bars) wrap-up with the guitar right after the last chorus would fit better.- Casey recommended putting more emphasis on the title/hook – glad you mentioned that because I was actually worried I’d put too much repetition in there! (The phrase “Staring out the window” is repeated in the first verse, the bridge, and twice in the main chorus.) What I think I’ll do with respect to shortening is take out the second 8-bar measure in the second chorus (the one starting with “I wish I knew you’d love me tomorrow”). That way it’s shorter and there is more focus on the title line right there. I can also play with the instrumental part (glad you liked it by the way!) to put the title line in there as well.- I think the point of critiquing is to focus on what could be better, so keep the comments coming if you have ‘em! I also don’t mind being compared with Nickelback. Too bad they write their own music and use mostly heavy guitars. Curses!Cheers,-AR