Stephen's Song

[pashamorena]

Hi guys, I'm new to Taxi and would love some feedback from you guys. This song was written for my cousin who is Autistic.www.myspace.com/darkpassionmusicIts the 3rd song on the profile.Stephen's Song (A song for autism)MotherI'm trying hard to tell youjust how much I care for youand all you've doneMy fatherI cant explain to youjust how I feel or tellhow much I really love youJust listen to my songand I'm sure youll hear itMy song, from my heart I say these wordsIts all cried out inside this songListen to my wordseverything about me in songsing it loud and clear along with meand its clear to see this is Stephen's SongYou found the keyto try and understand meyou wont have a clueunless you look between the linesyou've tried to find the meaning of my lifeit was all in vain to menow you're the only thing that matterscuz I was backed upon a wallwaiting for you to hear my callsaying there's nothing I can do right nowso I'll wait for you to come aroundWhen my world was filled with greyyou eased away my painI can see clearly nowand I owe it all to youJust listen to my songand I'm sure you'll hear itMy song, from my heart I say these wordsIts all cried out inside this songJust listen to my wordseverything about me in songsing it loud and clear along with memaybe then you'll see this will always beStephen's Song

[squids]

Hey Pasha! I'm listening to it right now. Your keyboard player has something going on and I really enjoyed your lead voice. Nice blend in the melody between maybe Kenny Loggins and Stevie Wonder, nice!For suggestions, I heard a couple of spots myself: The first four lines of each verse, it sounds like your singer is maybe not sure what he wants to do or maybe he can't hear because in spots it sounds like he's singing in a different key. Sometimes when a songwriter has a melody in his/her head and they really want the singers to do that melody but it doesn't go with what the instruments are doing, you get this sorta short-circuit where the singer's trying to do what the songwriter wants but can't quite make it work with the instruments. I don't know if that's the case here but it's something the screeners will probably tell you needs fixin'. And really, when you compare it to the places where he's dead on, on the choruses especially, there's no way they're not gonna want you to fix it because it's that pretty, ya know?This is a really lovely song and for a very good cause. You must be very proud of it. You should be! Lovely lyrics. I got stuck on the spot where you say his parents found the key to try and understand him but then you say they won't have a clue without reading between the lines.....that made me pause for a moment but I figured it out. Unconventional but I could see where you're going with this.Anyway, it's really really pretty! I hope you get the vox worked out, don't know if you hafta pay for your studio work or how all that works foi ya (we all do it differently). Will it cost you much to have him come in and re-sing those spots? Or do you have some agreement where they'll fix it for free? I have that going on......I pay a flat fee and they gotta do it till it's right (no loss for them since I'm usually fast and effective and won't try to screw them). I don't think this is a problem that you can fix using autocorrect cuz I don't think it'll recognize what you want it to do. But your guy (or you) could try it, give it a note you want his voice to sing there and see if it'll do it foi ya. Otherwise, it'd be easier to jes have him come back in and re-record those spots.This is if you want to. It's a lovely song and it's a shame not to finish up this last little bit. Jes my two cents and I sho hope you not offended. I know it's hard to hear suggestions when we're all in love with our songs and worked so hard on them, especially if it might mean spending more change too, that always sucks. So maybe you can wait and see what anyone else says? I really thought it was pretty, pretty, pretty. I've enjoyed your songs and I see a future for you doing this, I really do, Pasha.

[cameron]

Very nice chord changes, Pasha. I wish I could write like that!Cameron

[pashamorena]

squids,thank you for the in depth review of the song. I really, really appreciate it. I know what parts you are talking about and I wanted to see if anyone else felt the same way.You definately did not offend me. That's why I'm here to try to better myself. You can't get better if everyone only tells you good things about yourself.My brother is the vocalist so I will definately be able to fix those ASAP. lol.Thanks so much

[aimusic]

I agree with squids, there are some definate pitching problems in the piece. Specially on the first verse when he sings, "all you" from the line "all you've done"I really like the song, chorus is nice and gentle (don't hear that much anymore), The lyrics of the second verse is a little confusingYou found the keyto try and understand meyou wont have a clueunless you look between the linesyou've tried to find the meaning of my lifeit was all in vain to menow you're the only thing that mattersI think it would be better (imo) if the verse sang about someone trying to understand him, but how they'll never learn unless they learn to read between the lines. at the moment the line reads like "this person KNOWS how to try and understand him (the Key) but they'll never know because they don't read between the lines" if that makes sense - I know what I'm trying to say, but DAMN it aint coming out!!!! must be a blue Monday - well it's actually a tuesday but yesterday was a public holiday for us so today is my monday Lovely song all in all, I like the concept!!!Take CareB

[silvercord]

Hi Pasha..thanks for posting this and good to see you onthe taxi board~i like your brother's tone..its obvious he has the pipes~some quick .02 that i spotted..the drums seem a bit dry from the instruments and vocalsand panned a tad bit to the left? maybe just me?its like i hear 3 layer that are all far apart from each otherthe piano to the right and back..the drums more to the left and up front andthe vocals upfront(which i think the placement is great )during the chorus (around 1:00) i would love to hear your brother back himself and really belt it outup with some harmonyaround 2;55 things seem much better in the mixso maybe that could serve as a good sound font for thatmentioned chorus 'round 1;00...keep up the good producing, Pasha!peacegeoffp.s. i really dig Eyez

[pashamorena]

I definately can see what ur saying with those lines, though it is meant to be kinda confusing. lol. Its trying to explain how they are trying to understand him but the only way to do it is read between the lines. Most autistic children are very hard to understand and it takes a special person to even try. Also, I will also get with my producer to see about fixing the music. thanks so much.I really, really appreciate everybodys critique.