Tell me if I am wrong, but this song sucks

[claire]

oooo oooo oooo oooo oooo oooohrepeat two times, add an extra ooohrepeat(but it's a catchy little ditty)as for the poetic - and most interesting - lyric above...in country it's "think WalMart not Hallmark". I think, however, that with a conversational verse and prechorus leading into it, billg's lyric could make a really nifty part of a chorus. You can go places in a chorus you can't go in a verse.Claire

[matthoggard]

Jun 17, 2009, 5:09am, claire wrote:oooo oooo oooo oooo oooo oooohrepeat two times, add an extra ooohrepeat(but it's a catchy little ditty)as for the poetic - and most interesting - lyric above...in country it's "think WalMart not Hallmark". I think, however, that with a conversational verse and prechorus leading into it, billg's lyric could make a really nifty part of a chorus. You can go places in a chorus you can't go in a verse.ClaireGood point Claire!So the chorus can be sort of like the twilight zone of songwriting.

[jwebbinspired]

That's right Derek. Richie co-wrote the song. So all songwriting reason is really irrelevant.Concerning "I Hope You Dance" I've heard Craig Bickhardt tell this story many times. LeAnn wanted a song for her young daughter. Craig had co-written a great song that LeAnn loved, cried during the pich session and said she loved it and she would cut it. But in the middle of the third session (right before they were about to cut his song) some songwriters walked in with "Dance" and she fell in love with it and cut it right then and there. So much of this business is about networking and timing. And like you guys said before, the actual craft of songwriting kinda of doesn't matter as long as it captures the right emotion at the right time. And obviously that song did.Andy

[billg]

"So the chorus can be sort of like the twilight zone of songwriting"Matt, the twilight zone is my zip code!Actually I've always tried to keep the chorus simple and "waxed poetic" in the verses but it seems like either way SHOULD work as long as you come back to earth . . . but I don't know if that's the case with country. I've never been able to write conversationally when I've tried. I think the "Wallmart" concept fits with my idea of songs being tailored to fit the lowest common denominator these days . . . I started a post (above) about this.

[marcblack30]

I wake up early and go to bed latenot one thing/many things about this life is greatbut i'm glad you're herethank you for lending an ear

[perrysmith]

Alright, I am copying and pasting everything into a word doc so I can look at it all at once and I will post it occasionally so everyone can see where we are. Right now, before moving on, I think we need to decide what we want this story to be about and then list some details that could be really cool in the verses. Once we know the story idea, those details should flow. So who has an idea about what this person is going through--something emotionally connecting, but not tired/overused. When coming up with this, keep an eye toward the second verse, we need that verse to be fresh and shed some new light on the chorus--a nice surprise for the listener that makes the chorus that mcuh more meaningful. This is the "madman approach" time--that means we may trash all the ideas at some point and laugh at a few, but we need to throw them out there just to get the ball rolling. Marc's first few lines indicate that he pictures someone working hard but feeling supported by someone and sort of speaking to them through the song. That works, but let's remember the title/hook and make the verses support it so it REALLY PAYS OFF. Since the hook line is "I'm feeling like me again", it assumes that for some reason she had not been herself. What interesting and universally identifiable thing could have been happening in her life to lead her to not feel like herself. What might lead up to her wanting to get on her roof and shout "I'm at the end of the tunnel...can see the light...like a fighter getting up on the count of nine...i will survive this and i'm feeling like me again!!!!!!????So let's talk about what we think happened here, then we will list some details and narrow it down to lines. BTW, a really good songwriter told me the best ideas come late in the thought process, after all the cliche ideas get out of the way. For example, she could be overcoming cancer. As much as that is a thing that is happening for many (including among us), it is overused in song.Go ahead and give me some cliche's and let's get those out so we can move past them!Ideas?-Perry

[mojobone]

You could go the topical route and have her recovering from job loss. Or a miscarriage, if you wanna go darker...seems money-related, if she's working so hard, maybe medical bills?

[perrysmith]

Keep 'em comin'...I will put the list together and post it once we have ten or fifteen ideas and then we'll choose an approach.(BTW, Bill...liked your thoughts on the chorus...we will address that later, also, once we get this story idea down.)

[byllsong]

Clair said:"in country it's "think WalMart not Hallmark". I like that and it makes sense

[matthoggard]

Is she recovering form illness?Getting over a relationship?Working too much for little pay?Joined a cult and needs deprogramming?Rape victim?Drug/alcohol addict?Abducted by aliens?Just switched political parties?Lost a husband to war?Lost a kid to an accident?Flushed her puppy down the toilet "accidentally"?Just had the sex change operation?Lost her job but realizes its a blessing in disguise. (this is what happened for me)Realises the gay realtionship wasnt a good idea?Finally started taking her meds for her bi-polarism?Here's a chorus line haveing to do with the fighter metaphor"like a punch drunk fighter dizzied by the lights"