The Valley: Please Critique...

[supdog]

Hello all! I am a newbie. I have not joined Taxi, but I am considering it. I am a singer/songwriter, but have not really taken big steps to get my music "out there" as of yet. This song was about some girl in college. As I have learned the hard way it is sometimes best that our hopes do not come to fruition. Anyway, recorded this a while back, but I have not located the copy as of yet. I really can't fit it into a specific "genre", (the way I recorded it anyway), but I always thought that the lyrics would be best suited for country. Anyway, please let me know what you think. Thanks!THE VALLEYCopyright 2003Shawn Tubbs Verse 1I’d like to bring to light these words inside, But I’ve been here beforeI’d like to drift in the night of the moon lit tide, That carries to your shore I’d like to speak my mind and leave behind, The fear that locks this door And I’d love to set in your sky the one sunrise, That would warm you forevermore, Warm you forever moreChorusAnd I could caution the wind that’s inside of me, But it’s a helpless cause, cause I know That this hopeless heart will lead me, To the valley where the sun burns the rose Verse 2 I’d like to rewrite the lines That line the loneliness rhyme , That riddles this achin’ soul I’d like to look past the past , That makes this mountain so high, And the future seem so cold I’d like to be behind the thoughts that own your time,are your thoughts like these ones I’ve sold? I’d like to sever the ties that hold the feelin’ inside, And let the river flow Let the river flow, Let the river flow ChorusAnd I could caution the wind that’s inside of me But it’s a helpless cause, cause I know That this hopeless heart will lead me , To the valley where the sun burns the rose

[supdog]

Not trying to be pushy, but does anyone have any thoughts? I guess my concerns about it was that it may be a bit difficult to follow, etc. Does the theme/ idea of the song stick out or no? Thanks again.

[supdog]

Many views, no comments. I guess, maybe not a "remarkable" attempt on my part?I realize the world is a busy place, but if anyone gets a chance to comment, I would still appreciate it. Thanks.

[vicky]

Hi...I'm pretty new, too....and forum stuff is new as well....I've never been in lyric lovers(most of my stuff is instrumental), but try peer to peer....your posting fell off the page after some days, so people didn't see it right away...purely speculation on my part..I'll listen to it if you post it...Vicky

[rickmusic133]

Hi Vicky ,, Been gone a while so haven't seen the new post, There is something about your lyrics that draw me in. I like the structure of the lines, sets the song up for a slow but dramaticstyle. Do you have music yet? It would be a great challenge.Rick

[linziellen]

Beautiful stuff! I'd like to listen to it, is there any music? It's ringing David Grey but I'm a bugger for comparing, this is obviously very original, just I can hear music along those lines.Lindsey

[supdog]

Thanks for the review Linziellen and Rick. I appreciate the feedback!As for putting is to music, I would love to but I do not have any recording capabilities. Does anyone have any suggested recording equiptment that I can run off my PC?I play guitar and sing. I guess I don't want to spend tto much in recording stuff, but I would want to find some software that would creat Mp3's that would be acceptable for submissions, etc. Thanks again for the input. shawn

[timbehrens]

Hi Shawn,Really like the lyrics... that line about 'drifting in the moon lit tide that carries to your shore is a great one'.My take on this song (forgive me if I'm wrong) is that it's about overcoming that voice that says 'if you've been lonely up until now, it probably isn't going to change'.... maybe about dropping some of the walls that have been built between the narrator and making a true connection with the person the song is speaking to.As it has a bit of an abstract, poetic feel, I may be projecting... who knows. In any case, there are two things I would offer (please take with a grain of salt as I'm new here)....There are a number of metaphors in this (not sure if I'm using the write word here)... the drifting at night on the moon lit tide, the sunrise, the mountain so high, the river.... while they are all great, I wonder if it might be best to focus in on one or two of them... I get the feeling that, after the end of the first chorus, the second verse could just as easily jump into a greater description of this valley where the sun burns the rose. What does that mean? How do the lines before it lead to it, what does it mean to the narrator to make it there, etc....In any case, I understand the meaning of it and it's a very cool line and I really love the lyrics as a whole. In regards to recording your stuff, what do you have to work with now? Does your guitar have a pickup? Do you have any mics? What kind of computer do you have now? The answers for how to get it recorded are probably limitless, but it might depend on what you already have, and what your budget might be for the things you don't. I'm sure there are lots of people here, including myself, who could offer some suggestions on that. You might even post a topic in the Technology and Recording section.Best wishes and congrats on the great lyrics.

[supdog]

Hey Tim,Thank you for the critique. I definitely see where you are coming from when you talk about maybe developing the description/meaning of the Valley (i.e. chorus). I guess I never thought about taking it in that direction. Many of your insights into the lyrics are right on point. I guess the chorus is meant to expand upon the fears that are evident in the lyrics of the verses. The "rose in the valley" being a symbol of "love", but the rose is in the valley where the sun scorches it before it can be realized.......or somethin'. I don't know, its been a while since I wrote it and hard to remember its exact meaning. As far as recording and the equipment I have. I do have an acoustic w/ a pickup and mics/cords, etc. I guess I am looking for some sort of recording equipment that is relatively easy to use, and would make recordings that could be submitted to places like Taxi, etc. Money is a factor, but not a big factor. I guess I am not looking to get too creative with the recordings, I just want a nice sounding, and simple demo, as to promote the lyrics above anything else. If anyone has suggestions, I would appreciate it. Thanks again Tim!

[timbehrens]

Hey there,I was just reading your lyrics again. I really do love the image and meaning behind the line 'That this hopeless heart will lead me, To the valley where the sun burns the rose'... for me, it kind of speaks to how love has to exist in balance... where a lonely heart, a yearning heart, can sometimes overpower that which it longs for. For me, reading them a second time, this song talks a lot to how you have overcome your fears and doubts in order to reach that balance. Anyways, just wanted to say again that I enjoyed them.I just replied to your other post about recording equipment. Here are a couple more questions for you. I'm no expert, but as I see it, there are three ways you can go for recording on a PC. One would be to buy an all-in-one multi-track recorder that will let you interface with your PC for final mixdown. I think that they are great for mobility, but kind of limit what you can do. The second would be to buy a soundcard to interface with your PC. I had an Echo-Mia for a while and it was nice, but the software that ran it was outdated and confusing. I never really figured out how to record more than a track at a time. I hear good things about the Delta 1010, but you'd probably need some kind of external mixer for that... The third would be to buy a firewire interface of some sort. M-Audio makes some basic ones. I have the PreSonus Firestudio myself and am fairly happy with it. Anyways, work beckons. Hope to talk with you again.--Tim