Touched is now "Blessed"

[nylyrics]

This is a re-write of touched - with a new angle on it - appreciate any thoughts at all;
Still needs a bridge

Andy

"Blessed”
Music and Lyric ©2013 Andy Mackay

Tears fall from my heart
Like rose petals on the snow
These cold walks in the woods
They warm my soul
When I stop and look back
At all the way we’ve come
You kept me on track
You were the one

Who trusted and believed in me
Your faith never shook
You stood by and inspired me
Through every step we took

I am blessed
Blessed by your sunshine
And the good, the good in your heart
And I’m strong, strong because your mine
You're my love light, light I need on,
Leave it on.

In the background of life
Where I hid, so well
You reached out
You saw the pain I felt
Out of a billion years
Out of cosmic dust
You find me
And then there’s us

And we’ve done some things of consequence
Some things of which im proud
But nothing means more to me
Than what I’m saying now

I am blessed
Blessed by your sunshine
And the good, the good in your heart
And I’m strong, strong because your mine
You're my love light, light I need on,
Leave it on.

[BurtHK]

Hey Andy

This is outstanding progression - the whole piece seems much more focused and concise.

1st Vs is a strong complete little scene with the 'looking back' being both literal for the walk and metaphoric for the relationship - this strength as I mentioned in last feedback.

The Ch is a little over weighed with images of light you might want to think about which one you are going for 'sunshine' or 'night light'? To me it is the 'blessed by sunshine' that is strongest rather then jumping to the light in the darkness image. Explore blessing/sunshine further - what are the blessings that sunshine brings? (warm, light, life) where/how has this person brought those specific blessings into your life - the lyric could also have some cross-over with 'Christian' material?

2nd Vs the front 4 lines are tight and I love the 'billion years', the cosmic dust is a little harsh. I think you were going for in all the time in the whole universe you found me - but it needs more development for it to flow. What about your hiding on the edge of the universe space/time & still you where found by his/her sunshine (start light)?

2nd pre-Ch is not really there for me - it is just description. Your 1st pre-ch was direct but was about all their trust/faith in you? 'consequence' seems more like a word from a 'sworn affidavit' then a love song. What was the thing of consequence that your so proud? If it is something the listener go say 'yeah I get it that is worth being proud of' then they will get it when you say no well I even more proud of this!

Or you could just push it in a different direction 'night/darkness' - you could then use your 'turn on/leave on the light' imagery from your current Ch.

Great work,

Burt

[inga]

Tears fall from my heart
Like rose petals on the snow

- like rose petals onto snow -

[nylyrics]

Burt:

Thank you for your guidance. You are a master at this.... Inga: Thank you for the suggestion on "onto". I chose to leave it "on the" to keep it in the present moment and place. I did use "onto" in the bridge though.

I am straddling the singer songwriter pop song/christian crossover area I think - trying to keep my pronouns in check so it works all around.

Here is where I am at:

“Blessed”
Music and Lyric ©2013 Andy Mackay

Tears fall from my heart
Like rose petals on the snow
These cold walks in the woods
They warm my soul
When I stop and look back
At all the way I’ve come
You kept me on track
You were the one

Who trusted and believed in me
Your faith never shook
You stood by and inspired me
Through every step I took

I’m blessed
Blessed by your sunshine
And love, your love in my heart
Yes I’m blessed, blessed because you’re mine
my sunshine, my sunshine

Deep in the background of life
Where I hid, so well
You reached out
You knew the pain I felt
And it took me some time
Before I understood
The strength of your love
But you , you knew I would

and you helped me to believe in me
Through every trying turn
You guided me when I couldn’t see
And at last I’ve learned

I’m blessed
Blessed by your sunshine
And love, your love in my heart
Yes I’m blessed, blessed because you’r e mine
My sunshine, my sunshine

Bridge:
And when I look to the sky beyond these evergreens
I couldn’t be more at peace
The ice is melting off the trees
Like teardrops onto me

I’m blessed
Blessed by your sunshine
And love, your love in my heart
Yes I’m blessed, blessed because your mine
My sunshine, my sunshine
I’m Blessed.

[BurtHK]

Thanks Andy I think just another set of eyes/ears is all I am? You are doing all the work here - again great progression, really just a few little things for me

“Blessed”
Music and Lyric ©2013 Andy Mackay

Tears fall from my heart
Like rose petals on the snow I like Inga suggestion but 'onto' make the moment immediate 'on' gives it a sense of memeory
These cold walks in the woods
They warm my soul
When I stop and look back
At all the way I’ve come
You kept me on track
You were the one

Who trusted and believed in me
Your faith never shook
You stood by and inspired me
Through every step I took

I’m blessed
Blessed by your sunshine
And love, your love in my heart
Yes I’m blessed, blessed because you’re mine
my sunshine, my sunshine

Deep in the background of life
Where I hid, so well
You reached out
You knew the pain I felt
This is still not as engaging as other lyric (lack specificity)
And it took me some time
Before I understood
The strength of your love
But you , you knew I would

Consider constituting the ideas of the pre-Ch into the above four lines & just rpt pre-Ch from Vs 1? As it is strong and works well with cross-over potential (Your faith never shook etc). Both sets of lyrcs are about 'taking time to realise how true the love was'? It is the actions of the other that make you realise, not just you working it out.

and you helped me to believe in me
Through every trying turn
You guided me when I couldn’t see
And at last I’ve learned

I’m blessed
Blessed by your sunshine
And love, your love in my heart
Yes I’m blessed, blessed because you’r e mine
My sunshine, my sunshine

Bridge:
And when I look to the sky beyond these evergreens (not conversational like the other lyrics)
I couldn’t be more at peace
The ice is melting off the trees
Like teardrops onto me Tear drops evoke sadness, if they are tears of joy then you need to say it

I can see where your going with the bridge and it is potentially really lovely - before worrying about lyrics write out in long hand (almost like a screen play) what you see "coming to the edge of the woods, and you look out and see the sky clear, rays of sun through cloud and you are at one with it all because of you". I'm not a big outdoor person, but even I have had the experience of crossing a ridge and seeing the landscape open up (once or twice as the weather cleared) and having that centred feeling? It common and is a powerful moment to put in your bridge - just find the lovely balance between evocative images and conversational tone that you have found in your other lyrics.

I’m blessed
Blessed by your sunshine
And love, your love in my heart
Yes I’m blessed, blessed because your mine
My sunshine, my sunshine
I’m Blessed.

Perhaps 'So Blessed' as a sign off?

Have you got any music in mind for these lyrics or any tracks you want it to sound like?

Burt

[songmaster]

Hi I just wanted to say that this is a beautiful lyric and what everyone has suggested is right on. I can hear a melodic piano behind this. Great job.

[ChipD]

Andy,
Beautiful, beautiful lyrics! These could be left alone and be just fine! I loved the fact that I got a sensation reading them. They convey emotion so well.

In terms of things that I might consider changing, here are some thoughts...

- The second verse didn't have the nature/winter imagery that the rest of the song had. You obviously could overdo that type of imagery, but the total absence of it made me feel that the second verse was a little bit disconnected from the rest of the song. The prechoruses do a good job of giving the listener a quick break from the imagery.

- Two uses of a tears metaphor made me feel like one could be replaced. I like the bridge one better with Burt's suggestion of using "tears of joy" instead of "teardrops."

- I understand why you changed the chorus to not talk about leaving a light on with such nature-based imagery. Still, I think that there was a strength in "leave it on" as a payoff line that "my sunshine, my sunshine" doesn't have for me.

I am really looking forward to hearing this with music. I really love what you are going for here.

[AnthonyCeseri]

Yeah, man - I think you've done a really nice job with these lyrics.

I question the "sunshine" metaphor, only because it's so common. But I think you paint a nice picture here.