U180520AP - returned, thought I had nailed it... some feedback would be really helpful please

[Wizofozland]

Here is the tune

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ipmfvexyjvdea ... u.mp3?dl=0

I certainly thought (hoped) it would get a forward.. I thought Lyrically I had nailed it..

Would love some feedback on this to help me out going...forward (pun intended)


Here is the feedback

Excellent tune, Peter, but more classic singer/songwriter vibes based on melody and vocal over current pop.

cheers

Wiz


U180520AP

EMOTIONALLY UPBEAT, ADULT CONTEMPORARY/POP SONGS with Male or Female Vocals are U-R-G-E-N-T-L-Y needed by SUNDAY for an (up to) $18,000, Direct-to-Ad-Agency placement in a Digital/Online Commercial for a Major Airline. They’re searching for Mid-to-Up-Tempo Songs in the general stylistic wheelhouse of the following references they gave us: “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkHTsc9PU2A “Bubbly” by Colbie Caillat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWGqoCNbsvM Quoting Our Source: “We want fun travel music but nothing too tropical, and not too dance-y!” Give them well-crafted, breezy, light-hearted, emotionally uplifting Songs with great melodies, an engaging chorus, and a fun, likable vocal performance. Stripped-down, guitar/vocal performances can work for this pitch, but only if they’re incredibly well performed and produced. LYRIC Tip: The Ad Agency would love to hear lyrics about cityscapes, traveling, setting sail, discoveries, journeys, etc., etc., but please do your best to avoid specific names, dates, times, places, brands, and profanity in your lyrics. Good: “Trekking over mountains.” Bad: “Climbing Mt. McKinley.” You get the idea Do NOT copy the referenced acts or songs in any way, shape, or form. Use them only as a very broad and general guide for the range of tempos, textures, and overall emotional vibe and spirit. Broadcast quality is needed. The estimated license fee is $15,000-$18,000, depending on the ultimate placement. This is a Direct-to-Ad-Agency pitch. No Publisher splits – you keep 100% of the income if you land this. You’ll also keep 100% ownership of the Copyright and Master Recording, but you won’t be able to license your Song for any other TV Commercials for the duration of the term of agreement, which will be determined by the Ad Agency and you. You must own or control the Master and Composition rights to pitch for this opportunity. Please submit as many Songs as you’d like, online or per CD. All Submissions will be screened on a Yes/No basis by a TAXI screener. Short critiques only. All Submissions must be received no later than 11:59PM (PDT), on Sunday, May 20th, 2018. TAXI #U180520AP

[PhilRey]

I honestly struggle too with this CONTEMPORARY thing.... (my song has also been returned, mainly for the same reasons, and I'm very disappointed too )

However, even if I like your song, I think that what the screener maybe want to express is that:
- the voice sounds more from a 50 or 60 years old person, than from a teenager, or young adult (I really like your voice btw, but...)
- the interpretation sounds also dated (the melody is too verstile. It should be more linear, eventually more repetitive...). Same with the backgound vocals that sound more from the 70s (like the rest of the song I would say)...

What is confusing for me it's the wording used in these reviews. It's not so much about the sound for me, but more about the flavour.

Of course I can be all wrong ! (after all my tracks are often returned for this kind of listing ) - Phil

[Piewackit1]

Great tune, but I agree with the screener. More classic singer songwriter to me. I bet you find a place for this sometime in the future.

[johnlewitt]

Peter,

Nice tune. But it reminded me more of Stephen Stills than Jason or Colbie, so I would have returned it too. It could also have been a little more upbeat - I found it laidback.

John

[Wizofozland]

Thank you all for the honest feedback...it’s exactly what I wanted to hear.

Cheers

Wiz

[nicotina]

great tune- I agree with the Steve Stills comparison.

I think the song and arrangement might work, but the vocal and guitar would have to change a lot. Production values have changed a lot for those things since Stills- your voice sounds too natural and "classic". Now-a-days the singers are super smooth sounding - and I hear a lot of compression and reverb on the vocals in the references. Guitar's tend to be more "atmospheric" like electric guitars on the Jason song rather then the simple clean guitar on yours.

Maybe if you can afford it, get one of your songs mixed professionally by someone who knows how to do modern production, and watch what they do? Might be a good investment, if you plan to do a lot of these. If you do this, let me know how it's done, because I don't know either

Vince

[Wizofozland]

great tune- I agree with the Steve Stills comparison.

I think the song and arrangement might work, but the vocal and guitar would have to change a lot. Production values have changed a lot for those things since Stills- your voice sounds too natural and "classic". Now-a-days the singers are super smooth sounding - and I hear a lot of compression and reverb on the vocals in the references. Guitar's tend to be more "atmospheric" like electric guitars on the Jason song rather then the simple clean guitar on yours.

Maybe if you can afford it, get one of your songs mixed professionally by someone who knows how to do modern production, and watch what they do? Might be a good investment, if you plan to do a lot of these. If you do this, let me know how it's done, because I don't know either

Vince

thanks for the feedback Vince!

cheers

Wiz