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This is a serious question directed to all of you out there with kids, a full time job, and composing a lot of music.

Is there enough time for everything?
I'm so confused. Music, and composing music is a lifestyle to me rather than a hobby.
But when you don't get that much money from it yet you have to have a full time job
to be able to get the gear you need.
My wife to be really wants kids, I wanted it several years ago, but I'm having a second
thought about it now when I have this flow with my music. I'm not ready to give up.
I don't want to destroy her life either, we have talked about this a lot over the last
couple of days and decided to give it some more time.

If I bring a child into this world I do want to be able to spend time with him/her, not
just rush into the studio every second and let my wife to be take care of it.

We both have time consuming hobbies, so it hasn't been a problem now.
But with a child it will be I'm afraid.

How do you handle this, you out there with a family?

..
Good question Alex. Tough question. It's good that you are thinking about it though. many people don't try to plan things, they just go for everything .. and then crash and burn.

I don't have kids, but it's always been my experience that there is a limit to what I can do well and enjoy. When I take on too much, I don't enjoy it as much and personal relationships usually take the hit.

Seems like you are on the right track: prioritize what is most important, realize you can't 'do it all', go for what's most important.

A solution might be to put a time limit on hitting the production music so hard. Maybe you'll get enough income going there that you can quit your job and have kids! But if it doesn't happen in a certain time, then have kids and reduce the music time.

Don't forget to plan time in your schedule for you and your wife .. even after the kids are born.

Good luck.

Hi Orest,
I match your description to a tee. I work for a large software development company. It's very demanding and stressful. I'm married and have four kids, and I'm pursuing a composing career. Here are my thoughts:

Most limitations are self imposed; except for maybe gravity, that whole existing in 2 places at the same time, and a few other phenomena (death, taxes etc.) I'm going to guess that you can manage a day gig, wife, kids and a composing career Orest. You're smart, talented and you clearly care about relationships and others or you wouldn't even be asking these questions.

My family is the single greatest treasure I have on this earth, (my black lab Maggie is a close second.) My music is enriched and made 'more special' because of them. My 'studio' is just around the corner from our family room. While they're watching TV, I'm often tracking with headphones, taking short breaks and interacting with them. It certainly isn't ideal from a pure music production standpoint. But being with the people I love is golden for me. I'd rather track in my little 10x10 than in the 'A' room of the best facility in the world. This is one of the reasons that I love TAXI. I just couldn't do the 3 gigs a week thing, or even worse, go on the road like so many of my friends are doing (hmmmmm, maybe I'm the one putting limitations on myself now... ).

I guess for me music doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's an expression of my life, and it feeds back into my life. My family enriches my life in ways that I can't even begin to explain. They enrich my music, and hopefully my music enhances and enriches them. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hope this isn't too 'gushy'. it's a topic that I"m really passionate about.

^^^^What Erich said, heh. You're a very smart guy who cares deeply about getting the 'family thing' right. I have no doubt you'll make a great dad, and having kids will make you more committed and connected; maybe even more musical.

Remember that good ol boy - Johann Bach - had twenty (20) children and was able to compose and perform a new song every week. IMO some of his most enjoyable work was the pieces he wrote to teach his children how to play the clavichord. His minuets and improvisations.

Hi Orest, interesting perception!
It seems to me that you are projecting an outcome onto a reality which does not exist! To be married is wonderful, & having a child, or children is even more wonderful! Being married & a dad, is perhaps the two greatest gifts I've ever allowed for myself! I was a late starter to the family thing, because I did music all the time, performed, taught & composed, & never really thought I wanted anything else. Then my wife entered the picture & things changed.. for the better I might add. It's because I loved her & she loved me... we got married, & for the last few years I've been a very happy & proud dad, a very happy married man, & working my but off for both of them to succeed in all that I do!

Allow for change without the fear, & certainly without the projection.... trust yourself & your partner, love each other, & all will workout just great! Everything is possible, you just have to work at it!

Good Luck!

Cheers,
Vincent!

Hi Orest,

I'm new to the forum, but I'm not new to Taxi or the challenges of life. I'm also not a parent. My wife and I made a conscious decision many years ago not to have children. I have nieces and nephews and most of my friends have children. While I don't think I or anyone else can advise you, maybe I/we can just give you some things to think about.

One question that comes to mind is, how much time did Bach spend with those 20 kids? That's an extreme case. Some say you should only have as many kids as there are parents. That means 2, so they can get a healthy amount of attention.

Perhaps all of our limitations are self-imposed, but there is the reality of time and energy, and kids take a lot of it, and so does anything you really want to do well. One thing I have noticed consistently about most of my friends with kids is that when they made the decision to have them, they had no idea how much work it would take. Work = time and energy.

A couple of musicians that I know who had children, wound up continuing on with their music as a full-time practice while they maintained a full-time job. How did they do it? Their wives did the bulk of the childcare and most everything else. It was ideal for those guys, but they were just unable to give enough attention to everything. I think that is something to really think about. I think we can do a couple of things at the same time really well, maybe 3 if we are lucky. And whether we are doing them really well might be debateable. But beyond that, I think we end up doing many things kind of superficially or not as well as we could have if we only had 1 or 2 things to focus on beyond daily living. Oprah says you can have everything, just not at the same time.

One last thing I would bring up is that idea of needing to work full-time to pay for new gear. Kids require the same.
I'm not saying you should do one or the other here, absolutely not. I think you have to look at your priorities, what means most to you and then make your decision. I have gone on here a bit. I just think that doing anything well takes time.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best and may you excel at it.

Harry

I'm of the opinion that parental attention is vastly overrated and America, in particular, is raising a generation of spoiled, entitled little pansies, but that's probably more than a little off-topic, heh.

Orest:
you have "this flow with your music that you're not willing to give up"? why would this "flow" stop with child? why wouldn't a child enhance your creativity?
I still remember being in a grassy park, as my daughter (six years old at the time), went chasing after a butterfly, laughing and giggling. She thought she could actually catch it. That's the thing about having a child -- they make you aware of imposssible dreams.
Ain't no way having a child will stifle your "flow".
Ott

Orest;

These are important questions to ponder. When my children were younger, I did my composing time when they were at school (once I became self-employed), and before that, and hour or two a night after they went to bed. I kept at it consistently, but tried to balance it with my other obligations.

I think it helps to figure out how MUCH time you want to devote to the things that are important to you. Perhaps when children are younger, your pace of music will be much slower, and then can be picked up later.

For me, my overriding value about everything I do is that it has no urgency in it. I try to say YES only to those things which I can do with good self care (which means just as much down time as "doing" time). This past year I said YES to some wonderful new opportunities, but it was a thing or two too many, so I recently had to withdraw from one for the time being (even though I LOVE the people involved and really really wish i could have done it).

Bottom line is, figuring out how to do what you love, what your passion is, and how to balance everything so you're not going BONKERS is important!

Hang in there. You'll figure it all out. And personally, as a single parent for 15 years, I just invited my kids into much of my music activities, which was good for ALL of us!