Lyrics feel too wordy. Any input?
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2020 11:21 pm
The melody and instrumentation for this song would be solid for a placement on a drama tv show. I’m just having a tough time fixing the lyrics from what I originally wrote (sappy song about proposing to my wife).
I’d like to keep the chorus and bridge. Nothing else has to stay. I’d love some notes if anyone cares to help. Thanks!
LIT ME UP
Off speed and syncopated/
Heart beats while I waited. Time/
had forgotten how to fly./
Breath deep through nervous laughter/
For keeps and everafter/
I’ll take your hand on bended knee/
Pre
Now I’m on fire/but when you found me I was/
All alone and in the dark
I was waiting my turn/ I’d been ready to burn/
All I needed was a spark...
And you lit me up
You lit me up
I won’t let you go
Don’t let me go
Don’t wanna be isolated/
Solitude is overrated/
I’ve had my fill of time and space/
Do you wanna be my steady handed/
Wild-heart and understanding mind/
Will you stay with me for life/
Repeat pre-chorus and chorus
Bridge
I’ve been waiting my whole life
I’ve been ready for tonight
All I needed was a spark
And here you are
Here you are
X2
Chorusx2
I’d like to keep the chorus and bridge. Nothing else has to stay. I’d love some notes if anyone cares to help. Thanks!
LIT ME UP
Off speed and syncopated/
Heart beats while I waited. Time/
had forgotten how to fly./
Breath deep through nervous laughter/
For keeps and everafter/
I’ll take your hand on bended knee/
Pre
Now I’m on fire/but when you found me I was/
All alone and in the dark
I was waiting my turn/ I’d been ready to burn/
All I needed was a spark...
And you lit me up
You lit me up
I won’t let you go
Don’t let me go
Don’t wanna be isolated/
Solitude is overrated/
I’ve had my fill of time and space/
Do you wanna be my steady handed/
Wild-heart and understanding mind/
Will you stay with me for life/
Repeat pre-chorus and chorus
Bridge
I’ve been waiting my whole life
I’ve been ready for tonight
All I needed was a spark
And here you are
Here you are
X2
Chorusx2