Falling in love with your own songs

[Esther]

I've read several times that one of the things songwriters shouldn't do is fall in love with their own songs. For several reasons (that I wouldn't like to list here because you probably know them).

Am I the only one who just can't keep this rule? Most of the time I write a song I love it! Then TAXI screeners return them... But I still think they are great (The TAXI critiques are reasonable though.)

[mazz]

My theory about this is that we actually fall in love with the process of writing the song and end up overlaying the feelings from the process onto the product (the song). This makes it very difficult to see the song as what it eventually will be: a commercial product (assuming that the writer is aspiring to be a commercial songwriter).

It takes practice to separate oneself emotionally from the product of one's creative effort. IMO, one way to do this is to write all the time and do a lot of rewrites. Really look at everything that has been written under a microscope, don't accept the first thing that comes out as "divine inspiration", question everything: "Does this say what I mean to say?"

Seeing your song as a product might seem strange at first, but it's really the way someone who doesn't know you sees it and perceives it. They don't know (and probably don't care all that much) how glorious or inspired the experience of writing it was, they want to know if it's going to meet their requirements or not.

I suggest listening to other peoples' songs and putting on the hat of a screener and trying to hear it through their ears. This is good training because you're not going to love someone else's song as much as you love yours right now, so you can train yourself to be more analytical and see songs as a stand alone product, a product of a creative process just like any product, but all you see is the presentation.

Loving your own work is awesome, but loving it so much that you can't see it's flaws is a sign that you need to do more writing and rewriting and practice stepping back at various places along the process of writing and really ask if you are glossing over something or if it's expressing exactly what you want to express. You'll be surprised at how much you might be ignoring because your emotions are coloring your judgment.

For me it's an ongoing process!

Good luck,

Mazz

PS: I came across this quote that really says what I was trying to say much more eloquently:

The Craft of Lyric Writing, 1985, Sheila Davis, Writer’s Digest Books.

"What separates the amateur from the professional is not so much degree of talent as it is a difference in attitude. A professional looks upon a newborn song as a first draft, a work in progress to be put aside to gel and later examined dispassionately for flaws – ultimately to be polished to a fine luster.
The amateur views the initial outpouring as if it were cemented in place. The very idea of rewriting is emotionally rejected. The amateur clings to the myth that writing is a matter of inspiration. As a result, frequently nothing comes: there’s no technique to draw upon. So for many, “amateur” becomes a lifetime status.
The promising pre-professional, on the other hand, seeks appraisal rather than praise. He or she can discern that rejection of the writing is not a rejection of the writer. Assignments are viewed as a challenge, and re-rewriting is accepted as inevitable.
A song is process of evolution, and revising is simply a part of the process. Understanding that fact is a requisite for success."

[fret17]

I've been going steady with about three or four songs from my harem for about 20 years....I read Sheila Davies' book...it's what got me to understand lyric construction....but when it comes to rewrites on what I feel is already hit worthy, I tend to just write another song entirely...I'll wait for a collaberation with a connected pro before I get a breast reduction on one of my Bimbos!

[Casey H]

I often fall in love with my own songs. Sometimes I think it's repetition. I tend to play the new ones over and over and over and over again...

The key for me always is... Put it away for 1-2 weeks then listen again. Does it still sound as good to you? Sometimes even the next morning I'm in shock as to what I liked the night before!

Casey

[Kolstad]

Personally I hate the fact that I need to listen to my own song hundreds of times in order to mix it properly, instead of listening to all the music that I love from great artists. So, I can't honestly say that I just loove my own songs.. I love to express myself, but always think I could have done this and that better.. so it's never quite satisfactory to me, I'm afraid. My best time is when I get off my own music, and can indulge in something from other artists.. that's an aaaahhhhh moment for me..

[billg1]

There's a certain point in the process where I hate my songs. It usually goes like this-

step #1- man, this is a great idea, it's gonna be the best song I've ever written-
step #2- crap, this just doesn't at all have what I was going for
step #3- I hate this, I think I'm wasting my time
step #4 -I'd quit except for the fact that I promised myself to see every idea through until the end.
step #5- I can finally just sit and listen to it from start to finish without wanting to change a lyric or reach for a knob, so
it's done, but I don't love it.

I honestly can say that I've never been in love with one of my songs. If I really like the lyrics it seems something in the music or mix bugs me, or vice-versa. I'm not even sure that lyrically my songs are improving, but I feel my mixes are. I'm old enough to realize that it's just the way I am & i'll probably never be 100% satisfied with one of my songs. That's really what I think keeps me going at it. The day I actually L O V E one of my songs I'll probably quit . . . or get hit by a bus-

[guitarhacker]

I like most of my songs but I try not to fall in love with them. There is too much work to do...deleting and editing and rearranging to get a song up to the level needed to be in love with it.... I have come across a number of writers in other forums who have written a really good rough draft. When I contact them to offer a co-write to improve the song..... fixing the lyrical flow and word patterns and melody issues, I often find that the writer is totally in love.... telling me that it's perfect like it is......


.....OK.... what can I say to that?

Hint: I don't even try. In one case, I wrote a totally new song... totally new lyrics and melody from the inspiration of hearing one of those songs.... the writer declined to work on his tune at all.... so I wrote my own.

[Len911]

Why in the heck would anyone write a song they didn't like or love? You might not love it forever, but gee whiz,lol! I believe there are more than just two types of people in the world, people who love their song and see no room for improvement and would be devastated for a change and the "professional" whom only writes from the head and will change anything if they think it will make them a buck. Of course if you read that in a book, that is a book author firstly and foremost. That's almost like a singing book instructing performers to sing without any passion and emotion. Imo if you don't like or love your song in the first place, why make changes, just drop it in the garbage. I usually find something I love in every song I write, but often times the rest of the song built around the part I do doesn't work or develop properly.
The thing with songs is that even if a million people like your song enough to buy it, there are hundreds of millions of more who didn't, and probably at least 5 million who think it totally sucks, so if you don't love it, destroy it already!lol!

[Hookjaw Brown]

I have to fall in love with my next song. I was sitting in a chair, putting on my socks, talking to my wife when she got this soft look on her face and asked me if I had just said some lines from a song. When I told her that was just what I felt about her, she e-mailed the lines that I had said back to me.

I think I need to write a song....a love song....with those lines. How can you not be in love with a love song to the one you love? Conundrums!

[vikvik20]

If I don't fall in love w/ my songs, or at least the idea of it, then I can't support the song and just throw it away.

If I don't love it -- I can't convince anyone else to love it either.

I have a lot of unloved children =D