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Hopefully this is the last worktape I need to make...but we'll see. I sped the tempo up a little, but I'm not sure if it works as well. I'm eager to see what you guys think. To me it looses some of the emotion when it's faster...http://www.andrewscottwills.com/YOU%20N ... AVE.mp3YOU NEVER LEAVE©2009 Andrew Scott Wills-verse1-You hang around like an addiction,Every mornin' I walk in the kitchen,I still look for you,Sip some coffee and rub my sleepless eyes,And then I look down and realize,I poured a cup for you,And I hang my head,-chorus-Bad as it hurts I can't take it,Fast as I drive I can't shake it,I can't outrun your memory,Hard as I push I can't break it,Lying to myself will never fake it,It's so hard to believe,You're gone when you never leave,-verse2-My truck was spotless no dust on the dash,Now there's fast food wrappers and cigarette ash,And a broken sun visor,Sometimes I dream about your lips,Then I wake up to the rumble strips,Under my tires,I take a deep breath,-bridge-My buddy set me up on a date, Some girl he knew,I find myself comparing her to you,

This is turning out nice Andy!The verses are good for me. Melody matches the phrasing pretty well.In the chorus, I think when you get to the hook line, you should leave out "inside" and sing itas:"I still dont believe your gone""Cause you never leave.For me its understood that hes feeling it inside. (where else would he be feeling it unless shes a freeloader and hes trying to get her A$$ out on the street )I can see where your trying to go with the bridge. Maybe leave out the line "picked her up half past eight". I think this would consolidate it and make the delivery easier.This one is really coming together. I would suggest a faster tempo and move it closer to the "power ballad" status. There are enough "sad cause shes gone" ballads floating around out there. (hell bout every other song I write is one) I like how this is sounding. Good emotion and imagery.Matt

Yeah, what Derek said. The bridge seems still a bit unrefined, but I'll wait to hear the phrasing.But I'm diggin' the rework of the rest of the chorus.

I think you're ready to cut the first demo. Of course, a song's not done until you stop tweaking it, so I always just consider a song "in progress" regardless of how good I think it is...I usually come back later with something to change. It's all good.My only real gripes about it as is would be (1) I like the original tempo or thereabouts, and (2) the bridge lyric doesn't raise the emotion of the song (it's good, but kinda neutral).Maybe consider (if you're not too tired of considering) writing something for the bridge along the lines of (downbeats in bold):You swore you'd never leave, you'd be with me 'til I die,Funny how you kept your word even after your goodbye.I dunno. Just call it done and move it to the next level in the process. We could stall you here for years. Love the work, man.

OK, I've listened to the new version several times now...Lots good. The song is "sticky" and I remember a lot of your lines.My remaining suggestions:I liked your original phrasing (better) on: "I still look for you""poured a cup for you""And a broken sun visor""Lying to myself will never fake it" is a lot of syllables to fit in that line."when" in your hook could be confusing to some. I know you've tried several. Did you try "'cause?"I look forward to hearing the final demo. I want a copy for my iPod Derek

Thanks Warren I'm glad you liked it that much. And yes, I am very proud, this is the 12th rewrite of this song, it's kind of like a child Thanks Derek, I think my phrasing problems were a product of trying to increase the tempo too much. I'm going to slow it down a bit, somewhere between the original and this version. And I think I might change "Lying to myself will never fake it" to "lying to myself can't fake it" if slowing the tempo down doesn't sufficently repair the problem. Yes, I used "cause" before but I got some comments to try something else. But I do like "cause" better. "You're gone cause you never leave": I think the problem was that it might be taken too literally. But I'm leaning toward using it anyway. Thanks everyone for your input. I think this song is on the pro-demo lineup. I'm listen up for anyone comments. I won't be getting demos for a couple weeks yet. Do you guys think I can get away with just a guitar/vocal?Andy

Kel, Thanks man. I appreciate your tears. I think I will keep this very low key when I have it demoed. Probably two guitars and a vocal or something simple like that....I like the idea of a simple demo just for the price. Andy

thanks, matt! (sorry to hijack...)

Hey Erin, good to hear from you! Congrats, and you are welcome to hi-jack any of my threads if it has to do with a new addition to your family Thanks for chiming in. I'm glad you commented on the bridge, because I have never been happy with the bridge. Do you think it is good melodically and the problem is the lyrics? Or the other way around, or both? lolAndy