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I have been sitting in the duguout at the end of the bench watching everbody else participate.It is time to submit a song after being here a year and a half.I posted this song a year ago and finally made all the changes that were suggested from forum members at that tme. I added a better chorus and bridge as a result of that help.I am looking for help to find a genre. Also any comments on the mix etc. My niece is singing this and will be 17 on Tuesday.PaulNote I re-panned the mix as suggested by RDL and changed the drums in the chorus to include the ride. (was that a pain) Much to be said about using a drum machine. Real drummers are off:)Doubled the vox and panned it 20%Thanks everyone for helping.http://www.taxi.com/feaker Abandoned I listened closely to the words she said Holding hands sitting on her bedKnew my time with her was almost gone Memories will live on and onHer last words…. whispered When she said goodbye Be strong , hold on, Keep your head up high She abandoned me My only love is gone She abandoned meI’ve got to find the strength to go on Much too soon foster parents came But their love was not the same Trouble came almost every day Never fit in and had too much to sayBut mom’s words…I heard Told me to be kind Memories, visionsLocked inside my mindI’m trying to be strong Trying to hold on I’ts not any better Since you been gone Days harder nights lonely I been thinking bout you every day

I think your niece has a lovely voice,I think the verses are really sweet,vocally,melodically and lyrically.I don't like the hook quite so much it seems like you try to build and it doesn't quite come off.Also I think you could get rid of the I Wanna Hold Your Hand motif.Good work teach!7/10

Pablito, this is beautiful! And your niece has a lovely voice. Dunno about the mix, I'll leave that to the experts, the only thing to me is, there's a tiny guitar solo and I wanted it to go on more, I think it is too short, it should go on more on my opinion.

Hey Paul,I give you a couple ideas since you were kind enough to give me some comments. First I'd put the solo git in the intro panned in the center.Since your rhythm git is sort of left, I'd pan the git doing the swells to the right. Keep things in balance.Notice also how your drum track builds a bit going to the ride at :45, but when you go into the chorus which should be the apex of the track energy, you drop back to a sidestick which IMO loses energy.I'd also pan the parts competing with the vocal for space leaving the center for the vocal.Vocals sound good BTW. Genre? Hard to say...its not country enough for country so it strikes me as kind of MOR 70's or something at this point.Hope that give you a few ideas.

benjamineThe first bridge was seen as too short, so I added what would be the first part. It was months later i got her back to sing with a different mic etc. Lacks continuity and more. Might chop it again or resing and blend/build ti better.Might have to bribe my niece back with gum and gas money for her car:)The holding hand thing is sappy.Thanks for you honesty. That IS the best helpBellaI have to go back and count, I don't like solo's to go on more than about 15 seconds. Have to try to keep the song under 3:30. My wife tells me I should go on more too:) Thanks for stopping byPaul

Apr 18, 2009, 1:16pm, feaker wrote:BellaI have to go back and count, I don't like solo's to go on more than about 15 seconds. Have to try to keep the song under 3:30. My wife tells me I should go on more too:) Thanks for stopping byPaulThere you go, Pablito! Listen to the controller!

RDLMan did you hit the panning thing on the head.I had set it up where I thought things should be and had a friend (has a studio) come over and pan everything in different directions. He kept saying he knew what he was talking about and I just went along for the ride. What you said make a lot of sense. I am going to re-pan it and repost.You are also correct about the drum track. I left the drums alone when I changed the song and yes, there is only a cross stick (or whatever you call it) rather than a build.I am very impressed in what you observed in one quick listen. That is the difference between the haves and have not's!!I have lots of time and wish I the talent to help others as you do.Thank youPaul

My God... Beautiful Voice!Lovely song Paul...I'd very much like to hear some pianos in this track...Oh, and I think a simple voice/piano alt version would also be sweet!-Kel

Paul,I wanted to give this tune a listen, but it wasn't there on your page!I feel "Abandoned".....Just kidding - but, let me know when it's on-line again.Best wishes,Al

AlI just updated it at the exact time you tried to get in. Too funny.Paul