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Hi,OK this is 1st draft of a new song. My plan is to demo it along with 2 more of my best songs to pitch myself as artist. I know the lyrics don't cover much new ground but I do like how they flow currently and the message/story of the song. Any thoughts on lyric, melody, or even production ideas are appreciated. Thanks!http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... m=trueEver Hereverse/Go ahead say the words written on your faceHow I hurt you and all the wrongs that I cannot eraseHow I used care but now I've given up onEverything that we have built upp/cBut when you've fallen downWho's always around?Who's the one that picks you upWhen you just can't stand up?chorus/Turn aroundLook behind youI am with youEver hereDon't ever thinkThat you are on your ownCause you are not aloneEver herePush me awayI come right back to youI am a part of youEver herePush me awayI come right back againWith you till the endEver hereverse/Sometimes it seems like nothing that I do is good enoughI keep on trying but sometimes I just feel like giving upWhat wouldn't I give for you to finally understandThis man just does the best he canp/cBut when you've fallen downYou know I'll be aroundI will pick you upWhen you've had more than enoughchorus/Turn aroundLook behind youI am with youEver herePush me awayI come right back againWith you till the endEver here(alternate pre-chorus idea:So before you slam the doorTell me what are fighting for?Don't you know that I (Can't you see that I)Have stood by, stood by, stood by you)bridge/who picks up all the pieces now?when it all comes crumbling down (when it falls, when it's falling down)who puts us back togetherit's me, it's me, it's me

Oops... corrected a wrong song id in my original streaming link! :-O

Hey Patrick... this is great... really strong hook!!Got some quick points...I dig your voice but don't like the thing your doing in the verses... over emphasizing the words... sounds a little forced... I would sing it more naturally ....I prefer the pre chorus you used to the alternate....I dig the break right up to the "it's me" part... sounds self centered and doesn't fit the tone of the song which is supportive.. try working in the "stood by" line from the alternate pre chorus... that has a better vibe...This is really good...Peace, Geo

Hey Geo thanks man! Hmm, that's a good point.. that bridge was getting on the angry side but you're totally right about it not fitting with the tone! Good catch man! For that matter I may even just move that whole alt pre-chorus to the bridge.I'll go back and listen to the verse delivery. I may have been getting to rhythmic in my delivery.

Duh... the pre chorus would make a great break... I was almost there... make sure you post future versions... would love to keep track of the progress...Peace, Geo

Hey Patrick,Your vocals are awesome, and I actually like the "forced" sound Geo talks about! It sets you apart form every other singer out there.I like the lyrics and the sentiment too. It's well told.Really strong, nice work!Cam

Geo.. ha ha man.. you WERE close... thanks! And I probably wouldn't have caught that on my own. I'll be sure to post the final demo!Cam thank you very much! Coming from a guy that has written some great lyrics that's very positive to hear that lyrics are working! I'm very excited to demo these new songs.

Morning Patrick. Nice to wake up to a new song here and what a great place this is to be able to post a rough demo and get instant feedback from cool fellow writers on how to make it better!Loved the song right away and you already have some good production ideas here in your rough. I have two major comments: - I think you need to go back to the root chord (B major, instead of the minor 6th, G#m) at least at the end of your chorus. Right now, your lyrical message is that you're "ever here," yet you play a minor chord against that and it doesn't get the settled resolution that it deserves (prosody). - I'd like to hear the bridge differ harmonically from the other sections more than it does now. Currently, it sounds more like a bigger p/c. Maybe something more like the instrumental break you played.If you're so inclined, this could easily be slightly rewritten for the Contemporary Christian market and could be a hit.Hope you keep posting updates!Vince

PatrickVery nice.The acoustic is perfect. Is that a midi thangy? If it is, I am selling my fender.Had a hard time with the words "ever here" right away. Thought why isn't he saying "I'll be forever here" or "always here". Simple is good, it does grow on you quickly.Your voice is awesome.Looking forward to the next update.Paul

hey Patrick... this is Awesome!Every song that U write seems to keep getting better and better man!This one also reminds me of some of Mr. Big's acoustic tracks which is something I miss very much from the late 80s early 90s...My new favorite! hahah! I know I said that the last one but really...-Kel