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Alt./Rock/Pop/AAA
Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:47 pm
by southpaw
Hey guys. This is Rewrite 3.9.1.... (or somewhere thereabouts) of a song i posted a while back called "In R.E.M." With this arrangement i tried to pull it in more of a Alt. Rock/Pop direction.Id appreciate hearing where you think the melody and arrangement stand.I am open to lyric sugg's and opinions as well. I tried to be a little more clear and simple with some of the phrases i had before... Might have lost some flavor in them?All comments and ideas are appreciated, production/otherwise."In R.E.M." By: Jamie LegerSoundscope 2009http://
www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?ba ... -----Verse 1:If i got reasonand you got rhymeThere's no reasonyou're not mineIm not your romeono im not that typeBut i'll give you my best, no lessyet im getting tiredI lie awa-kewonder-why-you-couldnt-make-it-here-tonightTried to waitnow-in-you-im-losing-my-faithPre-Chorus:Once again, here i amThis just never endsAnd the waiting will be shorterIf i re---stChorus: In R.E.M. im asleep, but im not deadan' i'll dream of youtill you wake me up insteadVerse 2:If you need leadin'Im your guideIf you need healingthen i will tryIf you need more spacethen ill give you more timeI know its never too latebut know i hate to wait Pre-Chorus:Once again, here i amThis just never endsAnd the waiting will be shorterIf i re---stChorus: In R.E.M. im asleep, but im not deadan' i'll dream of youtill you wake me up insteadBridge:It's finei know you gotta take your timeBut these eyes, have grown tiredSo they'll sleep for a while
Re: Alt./Rock/Pop/AAA
Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 4:31 pm
by marcblack30
hey Jamie, i still like the first version you posted a while back. This one is pretty cool too, the melody really sticks in your head, in the beginning the line "i'm not romeo, i'm not that type" there something strange with your vox, it's like your blowing bubbles!i'm a fan of this tune, still a fan of the original too.
Re: Alt./Rock/Pop/AAA
Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:53 pm
by toddt
Hi Jamie, you have a great sound here and I like your voice - much respect to your production and engineering, and I also I like what you have done in the intro on this one.My only comment songwriting-wise is that your line "I'm asleep but I'm not dead" leads me to expect that there's going to be some reason you have said "but I'm not dead" rather than just appearing to set up the rhyme for "instead". That may just be being technical and/or picky, but it sticks out a little to me.Catchy song though, and I expect something good will come of it.tt:)
Re: Alt./Rock/Pop/AAA
Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:40 am
by southpaw
Hey marc, thanks bro. Yea the blowing bubbles sound is a new technique im going for!... Only thing is the soap screws up my microphone a little.. No, but thanks for pointing that out. I can hear what you mean here, i hadnt noticed that. tt, thanks for the listen and comments! Appreciate the lyrical pointer. With the line, "but im not dead" my intention is to imply that, im tired of waiting on this girl, and so im going to sleep. "but im not dead" is supposed to mean that im sort of in between states of being... I.E. between being fully alive and vibrant, and completely dead in spirit and hopeless. In R.E.M. a deep sleep. The in between, of being awake and being dead. Is this the way you understood it in the first place? Thanks guys
Re: Alt./Rock/Pop/AAA
Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:18 pm
by toddt
Hi Jamie,I understood the physical meaning of it (i.e. when you're asleep you are not, in fact, dead!) although I didn't get the translation into "between vibrant and dead in spirit". But I am ashamedly one of the lumpen mass who generally takes lyrics as I hear them and doesn't look for extra meanings or dualities!Again, to me it's just something I noticed - and whilst it's really not that important, it would be one of those lines that I would keep searching around for something more flowing i.e. "we are dancing in my head" or "you are always in my head" etc (they're not quite right either, and sorry I know it's poor form of me to suggest lines that you haven't asked for but I'm just trying to make a point which I'm incapable of describing properly) .Still, while it really is just a minor detail for me, I guess I'm sticking my nose in because I like the track a lot.Best of luck mate.tt
Re: Alt./Rock/Pop/AAA
Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:36 am
by southpaw
No worries, tt. I see your point and appreciate the lyrical ideas. Thanks for taking the time.Jamie
Re: Alt./Rock/Pop/AAA
Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2009 2:23 pm
by yammer107
You have a great voice Jamie (if its you) good potential for contemporary radio sounding stuff IMO Dont have anything more in depth at the moment.... trying to get everybody to bed over here... Chris