The Girl at the Circle K

[cameron]

Hey y'all,Here's my latest work tape in the best (worst?) country voice I could manage. I don't play guitar so the guitar fills and the lead guitar solo are missing. I usually leave that for the demo studio... just like to have enough so they know what I'm after.Is the song any good or not? I've heard it so many times now I have no idea.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... trueThanks for the listen,CamThe Girl at the Circle KMy perfect woman was a rodeo queenA real cowgirl with some real tight jeansA self sufficient girl of means Who could wear pearls or bale hayThere's not a lot of country girls 'round herejust convenience stores selling gas and beerso I changed my tactic and I ran awaywith The Girl from the Circle KWell she needed lots of coaxing so it took a lot of tripsI must have bought a dozen chili dogs and half a case of SchlitzBut I knew that I could win that girl one dayShe was easy on the eyes and she worked real hardroping guys like me and running credit cardsIt took me quite a while but I could finally sayI got my girl from the Circle KNo she didn't ride a horse but I didn't mindShe had Wrangler jeans and a cute behindThere's lots of pretty girls but I have to sayI got mine from the Circle KinstrumentalWell she needed lots of coaxing so it took a lot of tripsI must have bought a dozen chili dogs and half a case of SchlitzBut I knew that I could win that girl one dayShe was easy on the eyes and she worked real hardroping guys like me and running credit cardsIt took me quite a while but I could finally sayI got my girl from the Circle KSo we headed off to Vegas and we were hitchedbut it wasn't very long before I got ditchedI bet the ranch and gave it all awayto that Girl at the Circle KI bet the ranch and gave it all awayto that Girl at the Circle K

[billg]

i like it Cam. I think you ought to change the last line in the first verse to;"Who wears pearls while baling hay" it conjurs up an image. Of course in my filthy mind the pearls are ALL she's wearing while baling hay but that's probably something I should take up with my shrink.

[matthoggard]

So Cam, you been spending alot of time at your local Circle K??Its catchy. I like the melody. I think the chorus could be a little more "fun" but I no its a work tape.Its a good fun song. I think a couple tweaks on some lines to make it smoother.Seeing more of your style soming out. I like it!M~

[teleblaster]

Fun little ditty, clever lyrics and great use of interesting chords to keep things from getting into a typical 1,4,5. BTW: I once ate a dozen chili dogs chase with a half a case of Schlitz -- that was a really bad week.... I think that's when I quit drinking. One of these days I'm gonna quit chili dogs too. I love the wobbly organ sound; what did you use for that? Needs a big ole lap steel or tele bendin' solo in there where the lyrics say 'instrumental' .Thanks for posting this one up.

[erandall]

Hi CamI'm with BIll on the girl wearing pearls while bailing hay. I think that you can't really give up the "ran away with the girl from the Circle K" in the first Pre-C. I think it's gotta be more than a half a case of beer...I like the idea of the chorus, especially the first four lines. After that, I think it's got to be more of an image. A shoulder strap peeking out of a sweatshirt says UVA or whatever... Back to the country girl wearing pearls idea.I like the ending, but I don't get it. Did the narrator win or lose? Maybe it's just my NE upbringing, but I'm not sure what happens. BUT, having said all of this, I like it! I only offer suggestions to songs that I like. So, I hope you take what you want and forget the rest. Cheers,Ellen

[jwebbinspired]

Hey Cam, You've got some great ideas and your lyrics are really descriptive (something I need to work on). This is definitely a fun song and I think I know what Matt is saying about the chorus needing to sound a little more "fun." I think simply speeding the song up will handle some of that issue. I like the melody. I don't know if I would change anything...if you do speed it up however, you might have to change a couple notes. The main thing I need to agree with is Ellen's comment about giving up the hook too early. I think it should be the first line of the prechorus...it will be more dramatic. I love the reference to chili dogs and Schlitz. You're very good at setting a scene.Great stuff Cam!Andy

[ideascapes]

Cam,Love the lyric/story idea and agree with Andy that it might be better at faster tempo.The discussion about pre-viewing the title line is interesting and comes up frequently. The way you have it written right now is more of a verse/refrain form where the title appears in the last line of every verse, and the chorus becomes more of a bridge. Considering how long your current chorus is and that the title only appears once (at the end), this approach could work.I'm not sure it matters, but did you notice that verse 1 has a different rhyme scheme than the others?Hope to hear the final version.Vince

[cameron]

Hey Everyone,Thanks for the feedback. I know the forum is getting lots busier these days and it takes a lot of time to respond to every posting. With all the great comments and the overnight factor I think I have a better idea of what's needed. You guys managed to hit on just about every concern I had as I was writing it.Bill - You got two votes on wearing pearls WHILE bailing hay, and it would make the words flow better. The problem I had with doing it that way is it makes the guy sound a bit weird, even if she has her clothes on.Matt, I think you put your finger on what's needed in the chorus. Making it more "fun" is a good way to describe it. I think it has more to do with the delivery than the lyrics, and I think maybe the right singer could pull it off. I'm going to try speeding it up too, as has been suggested. Vince - Yes, I did notice the rhyme scheme was different in the first verse. The "self sufficient girl of means" line said exactly what I wanted to say so I went with it. I'll keep looking for something that will work and also keep with the rhyme structure in the rest of the verses.Ellen and Andy- I know what you mean about giving up the hook too early. Unfortunately, if I don't the bridge that follows (it really is a verse/bridge form) wouldn't make sense. I'll have to think about how to handle that. Ellen, what I'm saying in the last verse is that he ran of to Vegas and married her, but I insinuate that it didn't turn out well and he eventually lost his ranch to her. I think I better make that a bit more clear. You're right about 1/2 case of beer not being enough. I've been trying to come up with something that would fit in the space.Teleblaster - My organ sound is an old Yamaha DX7 run through an analog Leslie simulator. I forget the brand name of the Leslie simulator (I'm not at home as I write this) but it's the best piece of equipment I ever bought. It wasn't cheap but it really nails the Leslie rotating speaker sound in a 19" 1U rack space. Made in Germany I think. I bought it about 20 years ago.Thanks again,Cam

[ig88]

the guitar sounds awful way too quiet and dry and distant i hate it especially for a country song thats like the main focus. Good job with a country voice. country makes me want to die but it has potential. Good structure.

[partyofone]

Cam,I love that lyric idea. I'll second the "fun" chorus comment.