Re: Prioner of this war

timbehrens · Post by **timbehrens** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:13 am

Hey there,Just listened to your tune... lots of nice heartfelt lyrics with a great flow. I've been taking a couple of classes in writing for country lately and have been getting some pretty good feedback. Just a couple things I could share in relation to your tune. First, it would be nice if the chorus moved up melodically... as it is, there isn't a lot to differentiate it from the verses. I think a nice strong harmony above the lead in the chorus could give it some variety as well. Also, you might want to re-work the two lines of the bridge. It's a solid point lyrically, but ending both lines with action doesn't flow as well.Anyways, I'm a relative new-comer to the songwriting world, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I really enjoyed listening though and think there's some great stuff here.Best wishes,Tim

ideascapes · Post by **ideascapes** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:47 am

This must be Craig, based on the last name and forum name.Tim gave you some good advice. I'd also add that more contrast (harmony, melody, phrasing, instrumentation, note lengths, etc.) between the individual sections of your song would help add interest. Your bridge brings a little of this, but is pretty short.On the production side, the vocal is loud compared to the guitar and you're not getting much harmonic support because of that. The drums could use more variety.Love the sentiment and Ray did a good job on the vocal.Hope this helps!Vince

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 1:44 pm

Howdy. The lyrics feel real and heart felt which is huge in country music. You have to connect. You do well of using the terminology such as "missing in action" "flank" "tour"I would third the melody comments. There is not enough distinction between the parts of the song. Good stuff!!!Andy

littlestfly · Post by **littlestfly** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 5:24 am

thanks for all the feed back guys but i ended this post thanks for the critiques