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This is a rough-- not at all a broadcast quality performance or production...This is a roughThis is a rough(Did I mention that this is a rough?) How does it strike you? (I did post a version of this a long time back... Made some songwriting changes...) Hook? Lyrics? Does it work? Thanks Caseyhttp://www.broadjam.com/transmit/index.p....77 ... com/caseyh ... Last song.The Break-ing Point (c) 2008 Charles P. Hur*witz(Verse 1)Just as I thought / you want to do more than talkCos now you're inviting me inKeep your keys where they are / let me walk to my carMy defense is getting thinWhat was black and white / seems so grey tonightThere are lines that shouldn't be crossedBut the way that you look / is the bait and the hookThat I can't seem to shake off(Chorus)3 O'clock in the morning and I know I shouldn't be hereMy body's sending me warningsThat the break-ing point is nearIt's near(Verse 2)In our lives we both said / how the passion is deadAnd how long since we felt this wayWe just wanna be touched / like teenagers in lustBut to play you've got to payNow the price is so high / can I close my eyesAnd make her face just disappearThere's an angel on one side / a devil right behindWresting at the doorway here(Chorus)(Bridge)And I knowI'm one step awayFrom a lifetimeOf pain and regretAnd I knowShe doesn't suspectI should be homeOh no no noI should be going home(Instrumental)(Chorus)

Casey, tried to play and download and got a page of written code both times.... will check back...Peace, Geo

Jan 26, 2009, 2:16pm, geo wrote:Casey, tried to play and download and got a page of written code both times.... will check back...Peace, GeoThanks... Sometimes people have trouble with that company's player... I'll also upload it elsewhere and be back... Casey

I added it to www.taxi.com/caseyh ... Last song...

Hey Casey.... that works.... I like the verses, the melody is vaguely familar, emphasis on vaguely, no worries there... I like what's going on here though I might rework some lines....Just as I thought / you want to do more than talkBut I know that I shouldn't go inKeep your keys where they are / let me walk to my carBefore my defenses get too thinWhat was black and white / seems so grey tonightThere are lines that shouldn't be crossedBut the way that you look / is the bait and the hookThat I can't seem to shake offI think they work with the melody and might strengthen the general message you have going... I like the imagery of the last two lines...The 2nd verse is cool but I might change the ending rhyme (here) as that is used in the chorus....I don't think the hook works.... I get the double entendre(that's gotta be spelled wrong ) but I don't think it fits with the feel of the verses which feel more emotionally directed... I dunno if that makes sense.... the breaking point for me brings up images of snapping.... going nuts.... frustration..... I do like the melody/feel of the chorus so I think it's worth reworking....I like the bridge... although you may want to say the "should be home" line differently.... maybe...And I knowI'm one step awayFrom a lifetimeOf pain and regretAnd I knowShe doesn't suspectShe's really not the one for meOh no no noAnd this is not where I should beOK that's not great but the home limits it to a cheating husband but by using something along these lines it's just a cheater, boyfriend, husband doesn't matter it applies in both cases so the appeal might be broader....I like it Casey.... what production style do you envision?Peace, Geo

Casey, is this a rough? {;-)I'm with Geo on the hook--it just doesn't seem to get enough power and emphasis to qualify as a payoff to the verse. "Near" gets more stress than "breaking point." The beginning of the chorus sounds like a classic pre-chorus to me, with the build. Then, what qualifies as the chorus after that is pretty short.Otherwise, you have some good advice from Geo on other lyric items.HTH!Vince

Thanks Vince and Geo!Just what the doc ordered--- some objective, outside views... In the bridge, I created pronoun confusion when I used "she" in "she doesn't suspect"... "She" was referring to the woman back home but my lyric obviously needs a fix there. Question on the hook: I agree that " the breaking point is near" just isn't the right phrase and there is too much emphasis on "near"-- a less important word in the whole thing. How much of the issue do you think is musical vs lyrical? e.g. would it be effective enough with a better set of words?Thanks again! Casey

I uploaded a slightly changed version-- very subtle update on how the word "near" is sung...

okay, so for what it's worth, i really like your lyrics. i just feel the emotion behind it, i think it's well-written, and i think it accomplishes what you intended it to. i didn't listen to it (crappy computer of mine), but based on lyrics alone, it seems like a great song! erin