Takin Pictures Off The Wall

[bmete]

Hi It's me again, a while back I posted the lyrics to my first attempt at writing a country tune. ( ok no snickering) It was called "Bankers Strong Arm".Well my son Ryan and I were collaborating on it. Being that neither of us play country we decided to have Jimi @ Nashville Demo cut the demo. At the Rally we talked with Jimi about what she needs for us etc.-Well, during the mentor luncheon, we were lucky to get Pat Patison sit at our table- (great guy ), he was pushing his books, so we bought two sets- long story short, Ryan has read his set cover to cover- and well mine are around here somewhere.After reading Pat's book, Ryan informed me that I broke just about every rule about songwriting with my first draft. So armed with Pat's book, Ryan and a musical buddy of his Ron rewrote Bankers Strong Arm into -Takin Pictures off the Wall. same story just said a lot better.So we just got this snipit back from Jimi and wanted to share the tune & the story with you all.Hope you like it!Takin pictures of the Wall--http://www.reddproductions.net/takinpictures2.mp3We welcome any and all comments!Bob

[yammer107]

Hi Bob ...... Like it, alot actually. I'm even a bit jealus of your overall idea. I'm a Rock/Pop guy by the way ..... with an appreciation for the newer country and some of the classics ( Patsy Cline to Shania Twain ) So take my 2 cents as you will I guess. I have a bad habit of not writing this way ( building around a central idea ) ...I'm a terrible 'muse' writer. Good job. Chris

[devin]

Great song Bob...I can tell you're a proud papa (and not just of the tune!). I'm on my lousy laptop, so I won't be commenting on sound quality (not that I've ever heard any issues with that studio).Nice song, real nice. The hook kinda snuck up on me with the arrangement as it is. I guess you could "loosely" describe it as being used as a refrain a few times, and then launching a more traditional chorus well past the 60 second mark? Maybe I'm just over analyzing...because I think it's really GOOD now that I've heard the song 3 times. Nicely done...good luck with it!P.S. This may be well off topic for what you intend to do with this song...but you've got some good experience I've noticed in sending tunes out for demo: Do folks generally demo a song in the key/singing range of the artist they're probably pitching to? A quirky question for sure...but I'm thinking I should stop writing for my Cash-esque range if I ever move something to Jimi etc?

[jeffgreenleaf]

This is GREAT!! Sounds excellent.

[cameron]

Bob,Can you post the lyrics?This is a great idea for a song, and you obviously read the book! From what I hear Pat was pushin' more than his book with some of the ladies, but that's another story.I felt the melody could me a bit stronger in the verses, but maybe I just need a few more listens.Also seemed like the choruses were a tad long, and at first I had a hard time discerning the verses from the choruses, but that may have been me. Seems obvious now, but I still think the chorus needs to be shortened. In fact, you'll definitely need to cut the length of the whole song down if you want to get it cut. Anything over about 3:40 to 3:45 max is considered too long for country radio.You've done a great job though, especially for a first country effort, and I think the song has real possibilities with some rework. You should have posted your work tape first and we could have nipped a few things in the bud, like the overall length of the song, before you spent money on the demo.Seems like you've told a good story, but it's a bit too late for me to dissect the lyrics without reading them.Cam

[elser]

I love the chorus and the bridge. The production sounds really good. It seemed a little long to me. Maybe the verses are a little long? It kinda seems like it takes a long time to get to the choruses. But maybe that's just me. If anyone else agrees it might mean something.Aaand! It's super appropriate for the current world situation and economy, so that's a really big bonus. It's eloquent, well stated. Elser

[elser]

Funny, after I wrote my little piece there, I read Cam's response so I listened to it again and got some stronger opinions. I think the first instrumental section should be cut, you could do that yourself with editing software and you might want to edit down the second gtr solo as well. I wish there were a way to get three choruses in there, I think it would enhance the resolution aspect of the last chorus. Maybe the b-sections could be shortened.I think it could be a great song, as many like to say, 'great songs are made in the re-write'.

[deantaylor]

Bob,Good song. I enjoyed it. Lyric seems good (post it). Good story. Nice 'twist' in the song .. with finding the money and keeping the place for another year .. good country songwriting there.I think improvement would come in shortening everything, verses, chorus. For country, get it down to 4:00 or less. Cut out the instrumentals, tighten the lyric or remove some verses. Get 3 chorus' if you can, and get to the first chorus quicker.Dean

[bmete]

Thanks everyone for your input, Ryan & I appreciate it.Yeah, the length is an issue- working on that presently.Being that this is going to be hopefully pitched to someone.. wouldn't they be putting their touch on it, and they would cut it down to fit whoever would be interested in it, or does the demo have to be cookie cutter perfect? Thanks again for your comments!Here are the lyrics:REVISION 5 Takin' pictures off the wall Verse I:Its been four generations in our nameBoth my father and his were born here, my son and I the sameThe rains came too late too little this year, now I'm starin down my greatest fear; I'm takin' pictures off the wall
(Riff)Verse 2:Big business got the big bailout plan.But there's no hope in sight for this working American, Should've listened to that city manNow I'm desperate for a helping handI was too busy workin, Now I'm takin' pictures off the wall Pre- Chorus:workin sun up , workin sun downhangin my head when I'm walkin round town everybody knows I'm losing this fightworkin sun up, workin sun downtried to get ahead but I kept losing groundWhere we gonna rest our heads tonight? Chorus:staring down an empty halltaking pictures off the wall
Verse 3My baby said she'd sell her ring, she'll do anythingI doubt the money'd even get us through the springI know she sees things differentlywon't let her lose her dignity she's lost too much, taking pictures off the wall Bridge: My grand-dad bought that ring with every dime he hadFor the love of his life, a school teacherThey built (*big hit here*) this family (*pause*)from the ground beneath my feetIt's the last piece of their legacy, just another faded memory (guitar solo) V3 (music mellows)Sweeping up the attic floor- there's a loose boardYou know, grandma never trusted banks, You'll never guess what was underneathfifty grand in cash at leastthis will get us through next season, put those pictures backworking sun up , workin sun downhold my head high when i'm walking round townnobody knows how I made it throughworking sun up, working sun downTrying to get ahead and I know I'll make it nowThere's hope for a new year, there's hope for next year on the wallPut those pictures on the wall

[deantaylor]

My understanding is: the demo has to be cookie cutter perfect.