Disconnection: 2nd re-write AAA/Alt-rock
Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:35 am
Hello,This is a song that I got 7's and 8's on in my initial critiques and they suggested some tweaks. I rewrote and brought it to the Road Rally where my mentor said the chorus still didn't have enough lift. So this is my 2nd re-write and I'd like to hear from the group before I re-record the whole thing.Version 1: http://pleasurejunkie.net/disconnection1.mp3 - The Taxi screener said there wasn't enough contrast in this one.Version 2: http://pleasurejunkie.net/disconnection2.mp3 - This chorus I like better, but mentor said took too long to get there. Plus thought maybe chorus could be bigger (he, he)Version 3 (Current): http://pleasurejunkie.net/disconnection3.mp3 In particular I'm concerned with:1) Lift/impact for chorus2) Overall flow (i.e. is the verse too long, etc)3) Strength of melodyThanks and I apologize in advance for some bad notes and sloppy playing! 