"Quitting Time" Sketch up for comments

[geo]

Hi Guys....This is a rewrite of a song I started writing back in 1988 but never fully finished.... I started singing the chorus in the shower the other day and threw this together.... it's rough... loops and such.... just trying it out....Basically I want to know if it works..... I'm thinking of adding some rock style guitar and do a Sublime type treatment..... so any comments on style direction, instrumentation etc. are welcomed....I warn you of two things..... 1. It's full of cliches ...2. My singing... not good even by my lax standards Oh, the break/solo section is blank... there will be more there...I think this is the fewest words I've ever written in a song.... Peace, Geohttp://www.taximusic.com/download/183694/Quitt ... p3Quitting TimeGeo 2008Rising up, every morning, long before the sun.I grab my tools and a cup of coffee, the working day has begun.ChorusIt's all about one, one drop in a bucket don't amount to a hill of beans...But I owe I owe I got nothing to show so it's off to work I go...Just one more day I should be OK...I'm normally fine come quitting time.Day to day and week to week the morning sun might change.But moth to month and year to year my grind remains the same.ChorusSoloSo line em up right here my friend, I'll drink till I have my fill,Cause tomorrow's gonna bring the same old thing but right now I've got some time to kill.Chorus

[kitz]

Yeah!! Definitely Doit!!I'd like to hear "one drop in a bucket" - about a thousand voices - about 2 octaves lower" just for fun!!Kitz

[devin]

I love it!! The vibe, echo-y synth-y thing-y you used (<-- technical term) is cool for me.I can picture some distorted guitar lead waaaaay back there in between the lines of the chorus.

[geo]

Thanks guys!!!!Good suggestions too, plan to incorporate both ideas!!!Peace, Geo

[remmet]

Cool song! I like the vibe and the arrangement, and even your voice works a good part of the time.As for my suggestion: The chorus melody and feeling is perhaps a little too similar to the verse. I wonder if it could be given greater contrast so it would stand out more. Also, to my ears, the last two lines of the chorus don't seem as energized as the first two. Instead of building, the chorus seems to lose steam. With "quitting time" the title and main idea of the song, it might be good to build the chorus so that line would be the high point.I like this song and think it has excellent potential if you can take it to the next level.Richard

[rlcmusic]

Hi Geo,Had a quick listen to this and completely agree with Richard's comments - notably - I sort of expected the last line "I'm normally fine come quitting time" to ascend melodically - but hey just one more opinion! Good luck with it and all the best,Rachel

[wrdsnmuzik]

I like it too . . . a great piece. I'd love to hear a harmony on 'quitting time' . . a nice third . . or a spooky fifth? maybe even an octave-down track, just for another quality. I like the guitar-keyboard sound, but yeah, a nice clean guitar on the off-beat, especially on the verse, then maybe a nice sustained organ chord under "quittin' time".

[geo]

Thanks guys..... been playing around with the melody and like it ascending.... going to play with it a bit today, add a little guitar etc....Peace, Geo

[jchitty]

You know I like just about anything you do, Budroe, but I agree with Richard here as well....there needs to be a little more chorus and verse contrast here....if you get that fixed, I think you have something here 'coz this is a wonderfully quirky and fun song!