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This is a song I wrote, sung by Justice, age eleven. I would appreicate any comments. Thanks.Tomhttp://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo. ... ID=6622578

HI TOM.....JUst the sweetest song.. And she sings it just beautifully... very nice production..A real winner.... Great Job...Jay......

OK Tom, the needle on the cute-o-meter just went off the scale. Nice song and production!Cameron

I really like the chorus on this song! Ad-libs at end are good.If I were you, I'd re-write some of the verse lyrics. The language there, for the most part, is way too 'adult' for an 11 year old and their audience. For example:From the start it was every clear, We are captured; we won’t disappear. Time will come and time will fall behind.No 11 year old would ever say this. Dean

tomPreciousPaul

I agree with Dean here Tom...Everything here is ALMOST there. Not casting dispersions on the singer here (very cute), but I think that getting an older voice (solidly in their teens anyway) would give more depth and a singer of that age would be able to sing it with more emotion, conviction and believability.Also, this production could use some beefing up with some rougher edges -- this is really clean right now, and especially with the young voice (and the sing songy lyrics) makes it sound even more like it's geared to an even younger audience, though the words say differently. You could probably use a bridge section here to to get away from it sounding TOO simple as well.And just so you know where I'm coming from... Tween to me isn't really for tweens to sing (meaning 10-12 yr. olds). Tween pop is Disney pop in my book... so Hannah Montana, Jonas Bros., etc.... most of which is sung by 14-18 year olds. I'm sure there are a few other definitions out there, but I believe this to be the standard.This song does have a lot going for it though, and with a few tweaks I think it could get there!

Very cool song..... I would go with a slightly older singer (echoing Zoom here) and maybe a little more on the scratch guitar.... that "CHANK, CHANK, Chank" stuff.... it has a nice way of anchoring the rhythm section...Love the B-b-b-baby stuff, really hooky!!!Nice stuff, Geo