Hey, Mladen,
I agree and disagree with Andy...
I think there's a really good song here, which I could absolutely imagine Christina (or similar diva) doing justice to, but IMHO you won't get this song past the gate-keepers until you address some issues...
Structure-wise, you absolutely HAVE to cut the intro in half – like, that's the very first thing you do. Picture yourself as the A&R guy who's heard 200 songs today and is running out of time to find THE song. Would you wait 30 seconds to hear a voice come in? I wouldn't. I'd have clicked 'next' before then. There's also that dead section at 1:24. I'd make the chord changes twice as fast and cut the in half too, for demo purposes.
Next on my list... the drums. The fills are too complicated. Strip out everything that interferes. If you listen carefully to current pop, it's all about ear candy – some new aural flavour every few bars. And pop is rarely about virtuoso playing; it's about tastefully supporting that killer voice. So I'd drop all syncopation, if this were mine, and mix up the sonics some more. I'd also lose that electric piano sound at the beginning. And compress the drums and piano – a lot..
The singer's OK, but she's not bleeding. Christina, Rhianna, Adele would be dying inside. If you can get her back, I'd ask your singer to do another take. Failing that, there are at least a few pitch issues which you should fix with Melodyne ('lose' in the pre-chorus at 1:06 is a case in point). Also, if you A/B this against 'Beautiful' you'll notice there's a lot of double-tracking of her lead vocal (aural candy) – you might try the same.
Notice also how the strings vary – in the bridge in 'Beautiful' we go to pizzicato, which would be very effective in your chorus, imo. Those strings, by the way, if they're not actually real strings, sure sound like it. They're played individually, and that cello feels like it's on your lap. Synth chords don't cut it here, I don't think – you need to think like the individual players, and give each line slightly different bowing.
This is where I disagree with Andy – I think your chorus is fine, chordally, but the melody could use some work. Take us up to the highest heights. Note how Taxi listings for diva songs always ask us to give the singer the chance to show off her amazing range – your song is her next career choice, and her career depends on a big, soaring hit. And for that we need a huge chorus. So play around with melodies there, and find the biggest. Always look up rather than down (the scale, I mean).
Ralph Murphy (if you don't know who he is, find him) says that all pop music should be written for women caught in traffic. With that in mind, I would also ditch the minor chords ('on a dream' in the pre- at 1:20). She wants to get home and drink wine, eat chocolate and see her kids, but meanwhile she wants to sing her heart out while she's stuck on the off-ramp. But guess what, she's an accountant, not a trained singer – so keep it simple and let her sound fantastic (at least with the windows rolled up
)
Hope this doesn't sound pompous, Mladen, and ignore it if you wish. This is just my opinion. But I've been studying this considerably over the past couple of years, and while I don't profess to be close to success yet, my rule book is well thumbed. Good luck with this – I'm looking forward to hearing the next version.
Sincerely,
Nick
BTW, I LOVE Croatia. I've never been to Zagreb, but have spent many summer vacations in Trogir
