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Hello fellow forum members,

I need your suggestions on these lyrics. Am I on to something good with these lyrics below or do I need to scrap them? I've been working on and off on this particular set of lyrics for awhile. I think there getting closer to being completed but I keep coming back to the lyrics and making corrections.

I picture this particular set of lyrics being used in an upbeat, rock song. The kind of song Metallica or a similar band would record.

Feel free to give me any feedback...good or bad regarding the lyrics.



Last Ride In Life

Sinister storm clouds in the distance
Rebels born to offer our resistance
Bonnie and Clyde of this generation
Standing on the edge of life sensation

Chorus:
Can't hear anyone pleads we're in too deep
Last ride...last ride... last ride in life
No future plans cause we're in too deep
Last ride...last ride...last ride in life

The time has arrived to lose control
Lost in the world with our dead souls
Close our eyes throw caution to the wind
No idea how this tragic story will end

Guitar break: (bridge)

Love to accelerate love the speed
Our lives ruined by the need for speed
Hold on tight as debris starts to fly
Kiss my lips this is our last good bye

Closing chorus:
Screams heard from the right we're in too deep
Last ride...last ride... last ride in life
No future plans cause we're in too deep
Last ride...last ride...last ride in life

Sirens blare notify our last of kin
Last ride...last ride... last ride in life
The story has finally come to an end
Last ride...last ride...last ride in life

So... is this about a couple people jumping off a building?

Whether the lyrics will work depends on the music... but i'm sure you knew that.

My first impression is one of a little confusion as to what is going on; is this a couple that is running from the police after robbing a bank just for the fun of it?

Some of the lines don't match the rythm of the words- but maybe you meant to do that, hard to tell.

I think it's an interesting idea, but probably too many uneccessary words

seems like it may be better to say "this is our last ride." Is the song centered around the "need for speed," or is that a condition of your characters?

just some thoughts- you may hate me now. lol

Thank you for your suggestions. I don't hate you for voicing your suggestions. The only way a person gets better is by letting others tell them what they did wrong in the first place. I will take a look at your suggestions the next time I work on this song.

Hi Mary,

I'm a songwriter - but wouldn't qualify as a lyricist. Just thought I'd chime in nonetheless.

You're creating a good atmosphere to me - I'm getting the apocalyptic vibe, perhaps its the end of the world, or maybe the drones have broken through the last defense

The problem with not having the music yet is of course we don't know it all fits and where the stresses are etc. I often find I strip out words and syllables the further I am towards completing lyrics - but I guess that can happen when its being put to music.

One thing I would definitely avoid is the duplicate rhyme of "speed". That's probably a no no.

Being strict, the only thing I didn't really get from the lyrics is a clearer picture of whys and hows, that they are in this situation. Sometimes its OK to be a bit vague though. The real lyricists might give a clearer picture!

Hope this help at all...

Good luck with it
Gar

definitely has that 90's Metallica wording..
" last ride " in the chorus .. has lots of options for a biker classic rock song too.

you painted a picture.. and took me for a ride.. thanks

might wanna check the lyricist/songwriters section for stuff like this too..


cheers

I am having a little trouble understanding the first line of the chorus. Can you explain?

I like alot of the lines but I am getting stuck there.

Andy

Gar: Thank you for stopping by and looking over my lyrics. It's much easier for me to write to a rough demo of music when writing lyrics, but I have no music for this song yet. I'm getting a majority of responses about people not understanding what is happening at the beginning of the lyrics so the beginning is definitely a good starting place when I re-write the lyrics.

Jimc: Thanks. I want to take people for a "ride" with this song. It's clear to me that I wasn't clear enough in the beginning and I probably lost my audience because of it. I've tried the lyricist section without any response so that is why I posted here.

Andy: Sinister clouds in the distance....Evil is waiting for the two people in the song. Rebels born to offer our resistance...No matter what these two people in the song do, they'll do it their way. Bonnie and Clyde of this generation...because they're going to do what they do, they will end up dying doing what they want. Standing on the edge of life sensation...is just that...the freedom of not worrying what people think.

It was meant to be a tragic love story. Rebel boy meets rebel girl, they fall madly in love, the way they choose to live life collides with the norms of society, the conflict with society leads them on a wild ride against society. Somewhere (trying to be to fancy with my words), I lost my audience. I need to be clear in my lines.

Thank you, Andy.

Hey Mary;

Thanks for the explanation that helps and i get it. I would suggest - if the singer is to take on the role of one of the two that you add more pronouns to the text. Let the singer tell the story situation like explaining this dream they had last night........

Good luck.

Andy

Andy: Thank you for the suggestion. Pronouns would definitely help clarify what is going on better. I'll definitely use some pronouns in the new draft.