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Hi,I wrote the music to Dean's lyrics. This is a rough draft.We would greatly appreciate any comments on the song "Cherry Moon" Strengths/weaknesses...Here are the Lyrics:Lyrics by Dean Brantley Taylor (ASCAP)www.letstalkmusic.com/DeanTaylorVERSEMy first kiss was a rose-haired girlHer scarlet eyes lit up my worldWith reflections, siren-likeOf a red moon on a deep red nightRuby sky, I gotta preachThat on these nights everything’s in reachI see clear. Thoughts alignMiracles come. It’s a magic timePRECHORUSUnderneath a cherry moon shineCHORUSCherry moon, cherry moonHeart beats wild under cherry moonCherry moon, cherry moonDreams come true under cherry moonVERSE With the seagulls, I drank wineWhile the porpoise sang Patsy ClineAll the fish danced in the seaOn a white beach turning burgundyAnd I found you in that crimson lightStaring up at a glow so rightJust like a big neon signThe magic moon told me you were mine PRECHORUSI love you my magic moon shineCHORUS BRIDGEBig old eclipse, Earth, moon, sunMoon turns red and I have funCHORUS CHORUS [optional]END© 2008 by Matthew Stevens & Dean Brantley Taylor Here is a link to the music file on my TAXI Hosting page.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... trueThanks for your time,Matt Stevenshttp://keystevens.googlepages.com/mymusic

WOW! I thought this was a great song. To be honest, at first listen, I didn't feel the verse and prechorus, but was shortly thereafter sucked in by a wonderful Chorus. I felt that the strongest things you have in the song is the Chorus, Bridge, and the pitch change in the final Chorus.(I'm a sucker for a pitch changes within songs)I listened to it a few times, and the only thing to me that doesn't seem to fit, but does, is the prechorus. I can't point out why, but the prechorus seems to fit in the song in an awkward way. I wish there was a way I could explain it, but I think it only makes sense in my head. I'm not saying the prechorus is bad, but it just fits in an awkard way I know you said it was a rough draft, but I think the levels in the vocals should come up a tad. Don't know who's singing, but KUDOS to the singer. I think that the singing is really great and it fits the style of the music to a T.I can't wait to hear the finished version of this song!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the compliments Solrax and thanks for your time giving it a few listens. We will probably get a singer through the forum to make it shine once we find one later.Thanks for your music input Solrax. The vox will be louder in the final version though and I will be adding in some haunting guitar bits and fills as well to take it up a notch.Matt Stevens

Hey, Matt! Good tune!I'm assuming this is your song demo, and you're wanting a song (not production) critique, so I'll only make production comments where it really hurts or helps the song.Overall I like the feel. It's upbeat, fun and has a good melody.While I love short intros, this one left me a bit off balance because the instruments are not all together on the starting downbeat. Also, the A-B-C#m intro progression didn't give my ear a chance to orient, so I was kind of wondering where we were on the first downbeat of the verse. After the first phrase of the verse, though, I knew where we were.Great job on the verses. Love the melody and the nice little chord changes.Like Solrax, I had trouble with the prechorus. I don't think it adds anything sonically, lyrically or emotionally to the song. In fact, I would ditch it altogether. You really don't need it. In fact, it weakens the chorus because it ends on the A chord, which is the same chord you use to start your chorus, so you get no clear signal that "hey, this is the start of the chorus". I suggest that at "Miracles come. It's a magic time" you hold the D chord for 4 more beats and then head straight into the A chord of the chorus with a nice fill during the extra four beats.The chorus is really nice. Nice lift.You may want to modify the latter half or just the last lyrical phrase of the chorus to take the idea a bit further or give it an enhancement or twist. Lyrically, the last half of the chorus is just saying the same thing as the first half.The ending of the chorus seemed to lack energy from a chord progression standpoint. Beginning with "Dreams come true..." you're playing (with "." representing additional beats): F#m...G#m...A..BE, so there's almost no tension in the phrase. You may want to try doing something similar to what you did half-way through the chorus: F#m..G#mA...D...A..., and just let the chorus end on that A chord so you have a nice set up back into the verse. It's just a suggestion, and the main idea is you want to end the chorus with some tension or energy.I enjoyed the bridge, but not the key change. It sounded a bit forced and 80's-ish. Perhaps a more modern way to get back to the chorus would be to hold the last chord of the bridge for just another measure then, without changing the key, go into the chorus somewhat soft, with whole notes (but still full tempo) to give it a thoughtful, pensive feel. You could then kick in to the second half of the chorus (or the repeat of the chorus) full force.Again, overall this is a really nice tune. And the notes above are just one songwriter's opinion. I hope it helps some.Good luck!Jonathan

Jonathan,Thanks for your in-depth feedback. I was going to change the Intro to possibly. A C#m B A to see what that would be like since it offers the verse to start on a new note. I also am starting to see the 80's like Bridge sound. Might work on that part again for an alternate fitting bridge as an option. The last part of the chorus I also see to be possibly rushed to get it over with-kind of ending. I think the feel from the first half could be somehow achieved in the second part better.We will see when I get back into it what happens.Thanks again for you input JonathanMatt

No problem. Good luck, my friend! Jonathan

hi to dean--only problem i found was that the verse's seemed too wordy/almost crowded. i liked everything else, except the lead vocal, but depending on the criteria, that might not be a problem.the best to you, and good luck,warren hein

Thanks everyone. Great feedback. I just got back from 10 days in Florida, so Matt and I will get together and make some improvements. I agree, we need to do something with the prechorus .. probably delete it .. but maybe new music. I see where you are coming from on the chorus lyric repetition .. got an idea of a slight mod that will work to say something a bit different in the second half, but ... sometimes I like chorus lyric rep ... so .. Dean

Hey Dean, I think this is a good song. I agree that the pre-chorus is weak but wouldn't go so far as to say you don't need one. But if it were a choice between this one or leaving it out all together I think I'd lean towards leaving it out. I think you'll need to be careful production wise or you could easily end up with a track that sounds very 80's (unless of course that's what you're aiming for) -

Hi there Matt,Congratulations to you for this excellent music and to Dean for such very cool lyrics. I read his story - people never cease to amaze me. I think the chorus is brilliant, very strong. I'd just let it rip...maybe you could say "I got you" instead of "dreams come true" I feel it might suit the music better.Admittedly I haven't read the other comments and suggestions, but personally I wonder whether the intro might be a little busy? I think I would start off by dropping out a little of the "umph" you got goin on there. I can't hear the lyrics properly see! The pre chorus might lack something, maybe you could turn it round make it solid, a few words just to say ... "right here, right now no need for sunshine underneath"...Cherry Moon. Obviously this is just an idea.I hope I haven't over stepped the mark, this is an exciting song...guess I got excited lol!Best of luck, Lindsey