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Some feedback please
Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:16 am
by jamesrjones
Hi everyone.My name is James. I'm new to Taxi, but looking forward to receiving a great songwriting education. I hope those of you who have had greater experience than mine, (which is to say most) will be able to provide me some opinion on my songs. Today I have a song that I'd really like some help with. Specifically I'd like feedback on production quality, lyrics, vocals and melody. Thanks to all of you who comment.It's called "I Cried Again"
http://www.taxi.com/jamesrjones
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:01 am
by billg
Hey there, I don't feel qualified to go nit-picking on ya because I'm not an expert in your genre. I do think it's a cool song. I also think you'll hear that your vocals are getting just a little bit lost. You've got that BIG stereo spread going on with your voice struggling to get in the mix.
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:28 am
by jamesrjones
Thanks Bill. I think you are right on the money there. Vocal mix is on my list to fix.
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:42 pm
by twilsbach
Sounds good jamesr,I agree that the vocals get a little lost.It also sounds like the vocal delivery is fighting the tempo. It wants to be a little faster to my ears. Not too much, I dig the vibe you're going for, just wonder what it would sound like a few BPM faster.Easier said than done, I realize.
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 2:40 am
by lc
Hello James,I like the overall feel of the song. I think what might be help it more, would be adding variation to the vocals during the pre chours. The first one sounds alright, but during the second one, maybe vary the way you sing the words. I'm not talking about vocal gymnastics necessarily, but adding a bit more feeling to them so it won't be as predictable. It'll help elevate the song as it reaches it's peak, while adding some dimension and dynamics to it. Otherwise, it kind of sounds like the song is just lying there.Also, after the chorus maybe add some more strings or play them in a higher octave or add/replace with other instruments to help separate the chorus and verses and give them both more definition.My ears seem to want to hear bigger drums come in at 2:51. Maybe extend the "Fall apart" lyric at the end a little more, then have the drums stop then fade out the piano. Maybe whisper one or two more "Fall apart" for dramatic affect. Come on, you were emotionally scarred! Make me feel it! I agree with the others that the BPM maybe should be increased just a touch.I think the song has great potential. Keep at it!
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 8:20 am
by vicky
I like it...in the future try posting lyrics....I know it helps me see the form, and comment more accurately....with that said,,,,lc had a good comment about the drums...more could come in and expand the groove, to help build up vocals as song builds...the recording of the vocals is missing something, but maybe it needs a background vocal part to thicken and add emotion....sounds really good,,,you're almost there,Vicky
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 1:28 am
by jamesrjones
Thanks to everyone for your helpful comments! For those of you interested in the rework, I've uploaded a new version.
http://www.taximusic.com/hosting/songs. ... rid=13938I Cried AgainIts end of December, theres snow for the holidaysI drove on up to the city, had some time to contemplateI remembered the time we spent in our cabin by the bayAnd the time we flew to Paris to walk the Champs EllyseesTrust and passion out of fashionWords not spokenVows were brokenI cried again, cried againYou couldn't seeYou were hurting uskilling meI cried again cried againtroubled heartsseldom heal they just fall apartI stopped in at my brothers, but I guess they went awaySo shuffled through my pictures and found the of our wedding dayI remember the way you laughed when you said I looked like Al CaponeI would never have guessed that five years later I'd be alonePatience Heartache Stupid mistakesNights of worryAnger then furyI cried again, cried againYou couldn't seeYou were hurting uskilling meI cried again cried againtroubled heartsseldom heal they just fall apartI found your letter and I read out each word loud To remind me of what you did and how you broke your vowI cried again, cried againYou couldn't seeYou were hurting uskilling meI cried again cried againtroubled heartsseldom heal they just fall apart
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:03 am
by lc
When I click on the link to bring up the page and click play, it takes me to a blank page Does the original link you posted at the beginning of the thread contain the new version? I think i can hear some differences, but I can't be 100% sure. So I'll hold my comments until then.
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:40 pm
by jamesrjones
Re: Some feedback please
Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:16 am
by lc
Ok, the original link did have the new version. I thought so, but just wanted to make sure.I try not to comment on production too much unless it's something that is just obvious to me. I'm still learning about that aspect and don't really have proper equipment to do so. But, it seems like there might be too much reverb on the vocals.I like what you did with the background during the pre-chorus. I still think you should try to be a little more loose with the second pre-chorus, however. A song like this really demands feeling and emotion to come from both the lyrics and vocal performance. it seems to come across just a little stiff.When you start singing "worry" in the second PC, that's when the variation should start. And when you get to "anger and fury", I want to feel it. Try adding a slight edge to your voice there. Hearing the words "anger and fury" doesn't move me as much as feeling them would be. Kinda like the difference between throwing a bullet at someone's head and shooting one...they both might hurt, but one will have a greater impact.After the bridge, when you say "and I..." to go back to the chorus, I think you should go with D#(and), F(I). Again, to help elevate and show forward movement of the song. It's only two words/notes I know, but little things like that to me, could make a big impact on how a song is perceived. Is it standing still...or is it taking me somewhere? That, or just start the backing vocals from that point, instead of at "cried again".Hope I was clear in my opinions. Taking what I said earlier and everyone else's comments, I think would polish up this song nicely.