change or just try again?

[hummingbird]

I submitted my piece, called "Christmas Toy Parade" to this listing:"The Owner of a new Music Library needs a wide range of ORIGINAL CHRISTMAS INSTRUMENTALS (no vocals) for use in film/TV/commercials, etc. He needs tracks with button ending - no fade-outs."It was returned saying "not close enough to what the listing asked for". The screener says "Cool ideas and sounds for this listing, though the arrangement is overly complex." They suggested I have too many instruments playing the melody (?) and that I should simplify so that there is more cohesiveness. It also says "production not great but clean enough for this listing".So my question is, do I revamp this piece to deal with the issues brought up by the screener, or do I look for other listings that might suit it better? Your advice appreciated.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... am=1thanks for the help.Hummin'bird

[geo]

Hey HB, wow you cover a wide range of stuff, I'm jealous .Unfortunately I agree with the screener here on the melody, while it made me smile it felt disjointed, a little too much "bells and whistles" makes it hard to latch on to the melody. Maybe a remix first? Try lowering the clicky sound maybe? Sorry I don't know the instrument names . My suggestion is to do both. If you remove the Christmas bells it could work as a straight up Kid's commercial or even animated feature.If you rework I would consider reinforcing the "march" part of the song (maybe a bass ump-pah thingy and a little more drums?) and a simpler melody. Good luck.. Geo

[matto]

I agree with the screener, it's a bit disjointed and herky jerky...not really particularly Xmassy either to my ears.Remember to always think of the potential applications for a library Xmas piece: somewhere in the background, creating a Xmas atmosphere.This piece doesn't really put me in the Xmas spirit, and it's jerkiness would make it draw too much attention to itself to work as a background or underscore piece.I would re-purpose this as a comedy piece. Take out the sleigh bells, simplify it a bit (although for comedy it can be more disjointed than it could for Xmas applications), maybe put it a bit more over the top with comedy sounds, and I think you'd have yourself a contender. matto

[daniel481]

Hey all, I had a similar situation with the two pieces I submitted for this Christmas listing, except mine dealt with the sound quality. The screener said that in my song "The 25th" there was a lot of distortion and it was overly squashed, and in "Snow Stroll" that it was also a bit distorted. He also felt that "The 25th" lost its Christmas-y feel towards the end, as well, and that the organ in "Snow Stroll" also took it a bit away from its feel. Just curious to see what other people think. I agree that the tracks are fairly loud, but I'm having a hard time hearing downright distortion. I may be crazy or just not hearing it right, but I've been mixing a mastering records on a professional level for quite a while and am usually pretty good about catching that...Anyway, I was a bit disappointed on at least one of these not being forwarded, so I'm just curious to see what you guys think! Both songs are on my page at taxi.com/dandiaz.Thanks!Dan Diaz

[rick]

I absolutely love your range of creativity.I think you should decide on one dominant instrument to carry the melody and try that.By the way I thought your recording was more than just clean,but that's just my opinion.Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!

[diogenes]

Hey Hummingbird, I normally don't chime in on instrumental listings (only because they're not my thing so I don't feel any insights I might have would be very useful), but I felt compelled because you really go out of your way to help everyone on these boards, so I thought I'd try to return the favor. Well, production wise I think it's fine. I do agree with geo though in that it could work as more of a kids animation piece than a christmas piece though. It just didn't sound real christmas-ee to me. Neat piece though nonetheless.

[kevinmathie]

Hey Vikki, I definitely think this piece is worth redoing. I can see where it could have a Christmas feel given the right treatment. Or you can do as Matt suggested and turn it into a comedy piece. Either way, here is my advice:I had a hard time figuring out what the melody was. Sometimes I thought it might be in the xylophone, sometimes in the clarinet, and sometimes in the bassoon. But I was never sure if I was listening to the melody or some countermelody. Of course, switching the melody between different instruments isn't a bad thing by any means, but when you redo this song, you may want to clearly establish the melody in the very beginning of the composition. Give it to one instrument or instrument section, and don't let other instruments distract us from that melody. I'm not saying don't use counter-melodies, of course. I'm just saying that if you do use counter-melodies, make sure they are clearly secondary parts. One way to think of your composition is to have one "primary" element (the main melody) at any given time, an optional "secondary" element (a counter-melody that is clearly subordinant to the main melody) at any given time, and all the rest of the instruments should be "tertiary" elements, meaning they do nothing but provide support harmonically and texturally for the other two elements.Another thing you may want to try is to think more "chorally." By that, I mean that orchestrators often think of an orchestra as different "choirs." There is the string choir, the woodwind choir, and the brass choir.So, since your arrangement leans more heavily toward the woodwinds than anything else, I'd start there. I'd strip away everything but the woodwinds, and build a strong composition with just the woodwind choir.After that, you can add another choir, like the strings, or just keep it as a woodwind-based composition, and add in the color instruments, like the tuba in the bass, or the xylophone and sleighbells in the treble.That would be one way to uncomplicate your music like the Taxi screener suggested, while using tried and true orchestration techniques.You've got some good ideas, though. So, when you get time, I'd definitely redo it if I were you.

[Casey H]

Hi VikkiNice piece... I think I recall you started this one originally for comedy? It's better suited there... Definitely not Christmas-y.It might be tough for film/TV with those very deliberate percussion (three stooges/Charlie Chaplin) "knock knock knock knocks" for lack of better words to refer to them... There is nothing wrong with them musically, they are done well, but I can see this difficult to sync this with a scene. Maybe you should strip them out and work with the underlying theme music, which is good. Casey

[ljweber70]

Hi, Vicki,On a positive note, I CAN hear this piece being played in the background of a scene at Santa's Workshop with elves clinking away at toy building Also, I think the title of the piece fits your direction with the "toy" theme. However, I agree that it is more geared toward comedy / children as is and not so much Christmas sounding.If it's any consolation, the following 3 pieces I submitted to the listing were also returned, labeled as not sounding enough like Christmas:http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInf ... ID=5780583 Larry

[smaltonian]

VIKKIFollow your heart.......