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This song lacks a lead guitar track and I will add one more high harmony part on the last chorus ( when my voice is fully back ). Was hoping to get feedback on the song as well as the production. It's real close to how I envision it. I appreciate the feedback...*** EDIT Competed version now up. Followed some suggestions....www.taxi.com/jwhamptonForgive You Not How can I forgive you When it's not what you seek Deny the lies, discrete disguiseI can't believe the words you speakHow can I forget you That's not an easy choreThrew out your shoes, removed the screwsThat hung the cross on our front door When I call you on the phone To tell you I'm alone I'll be right over, you send me homeChorusForgive you not, for what you did Forgive you not, the crimes you hidYou never loved me from the start Forgive you not, the house we paid Forgive you not, the kids we madeI held you high above my heartForgive you not.SOLONow I can forget you, it's easier each dayA new fishing pole and waterin' holeAnd a maid to cook things my wayOh, there's times that I miss youLike when I'm in the tubOr there's dirty dishes, or cleanin' fishesOr when I need a long back rub When you call me on the phone To tell me you're alone You'll be right over, I'll send you homeChorus (repeat)

Quote:This song lacks a lead guitar track and I will add one more high harmony part on the last chorus ( when my voice is fully back ). Was hoping to get feedback on the song as well as the production. It's real close to how I envision it. I appreciate the feedback...www.taxi.com/jwhamptonForgive You Not How can I forgive you When it's not what you seek Deny the lies, discrete disguiseI can't believe the words you speakHow can I forget you That's not an easy choreThrew out your shoes, removed the screwsThat hung the cross on our front door When I call you on the phone To tell you I'm alone I'll be right over, you send me homeChorusForgive you not, for what you did Forgive you not, the crimes you hidYou never loved me from the start Forgive you not, the house we paid Forgive you not, the kids we madeI held you high above my heartForgive you not.SOLONow I can forget you, it's easier each dayA new fishing pole and waterin' holeAnd a maid to cook things my wayOh, there's times that I miss youLike when I'm in the tubOr there's dirty dishes, or cleanin' fishesOr when I need a long back rub When you call me on the phone To tell me you're alone You'll be right over, I'll send you homeChorus (repeat)John, really GOOD song....you obviously know the commercial country market.....looks like you've really studied good song structure when it comes to what Nashville demands. Your hook really pops here....I like 'forgive you not.' It's clever. Also, I think you indicated that you do your own demoes....heck, I'd have to pay a nice tidy sum for demoes that sound this good, so you're doing a great job on the production end. Your voice sounds a bit like Tim McGraw which is an asset.....all and all, I'd give you very good marks here.I especially like the lines "or there's dirty dishes, and cleanin' fishes, or when I need a long back rub."Now that's great country. Good luck clearing those Nashville high bars.....it's good to have country songwriters on board.

Hey, I know you!Forgive me, John, but I only have a lyric critique right now. But I still think it is feedback worth considering...First off, I really like the lyrics in the chorus. Straight-up, well said, and they get the point across.But I’m having a real problem (lyrically) with the second half of your song. I find it difficult to digest that you go from lamenting in the first verse to moving on in the second, with very little explanation as to how/why you are now able to move on. The song starts off with you longing and then ends with you over it. It feels like a huge disconnect, at least to me. Also, the lyrics in the second verse, to put it completely ineloquently, kind of make me, as a female listener, not like this singer at all. And I do not think I am the only female that would feel this way. You feel better now because you have a maid to cook for you, so you don’t long for your wife anymore?? You only miss her when there are dishes to be done or when you want a back rub?? No wonder she left you! You may want to try re-writing the lyrics in the last half so they are more accessable (i.e. no potential to offend or make you look like a jerk.)Just my thoughts.

Hi again,It has occured to me that this song may be a true story for you. So, I would just like to clarify that I was only being playful when I said "no wonder she left you." Its just my sense of humor. Please don't take it as anything else!

Thanks Adrienne. I am not a sexist by any means, these kind of lyrics are not unusual for country music. There are plenty of songs that are written by both male and female that "trash" the other sex during a break up. This is especially of female singers. Hit artist Taylor Swift:"So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy That’s fine I'll tell mine you’re gay So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time As far as I'm concerned you're just another picture to burn. There's no time for tears I'm just sitting here planning my revenge There's nothing stopping me From going out with all of your best friends"Country music has not succumbed to political correctness and it is mostly written with tongue in cheek humor and not to be taken seriously. Toby Keith is one of the biggest country singers now. Some of his lyrics:"I gave you my best shot, butyou didnt fallhead over heels in love after all dont wanna hear no more, baby, theres the door"** The song is telling her to get the hell out of his life"I sobered up and I got to thinkin'Girl you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'"** He used to enjoy time with her while he was drinking but now that he is sober he realizes she is a whining pain in the arseBrad Paisley lyrics:"Well I love herBut I love to fishI spend all day out on this lakeAnd hell is all I catchToday she met me at the doorSaid I would have to chooseIf I hit that fishin' hole todayShe'd be packin' all her thingsAnd she'd be gone by noonWell I'm gonna miss herOh, look there, I've got a bite"**Obviously telling his wife/SO that he is fed up and fishing is more important to him than his feelings are for her.I only wrote these out to familiarize you with the genre. I know country isn't the most profound music in the world and may often appeal to the least common denominator but I am doing here what everyone else is; trying to write songs that will appeal to a certain demographic and hopefully sell it However, I will take to point your suggestion of the disconnect between 1st and 2nd verse. Thanks for your opinion

Quote:Thanks Adrienne. I am not a sexist by any means, these kind of lyrics are not unusual for country music. There are plenty of songs that are written by both male and female that "trash" the other sex during a break up. This is especially of female singers. Hit artist Taylor Swift:"So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy That’s fine I'll tell mine you’re gay So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time As far as I'm concerned you're just another picture to burn. There's no time for tears I'm just sitting here planning my revenge There's nothing stopping me From going out with all of your best friends"Country music has not succumbed to political correctness and it is mostly written with tongue in cheek humor and not to be taken seriously. Toby Keith is one of the biggest country singers now. Some of his lyrics:"I gave you my best shot, butyou didnt fallhead over heels in love after all dont wanna hear no more, baby, theres the door"** The song is telling her to get the hell out of his life"I sobered up and I got to thinkin'Girl you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'"** He used to enjoy time with her while he was drinking but now that he is sober he realizes she is a whining pain in the arseBrad Paisley lyrics:"Well I love herBut I love to fishI spend all day out on this lakeAnd hell is all I catchToday she met me at the doorSaid I would have to chooseIf I hit that fishin' hole todayShe'd be packin' all her thingsAnd she'd be gone by noonWell I'm gonna miss herOh, look there, I've got a bite"**Obviously telling his wife/SO that he is fed up and fishing is more important to him than his feelings are for her.I only wrote these out to familiarize you with the genre. I know country isn't the most profound music in the world and may often appeal to the least common denominator but I am doing here what everyone else is; trying to write songs that will appeal to a certain demographic and hopefully sell it However, I will take to point your suggestion of the disconnect between 1st and 2nd verse. Thanks for your opinion So country music appeals to 'the least common denominator?"Sigh, doesn't look like you have much respect for your own genre.

Jchitty, I was joking when I said that. You know what I mean... Country is kind of like rock. There is garbage out there (Beastie Boys, KISS) and there is good stuff (stones, zeppelin, coldplay, etc...) Even though Kiss and Beastie Boys are garbage, I still like it and listen to some of it. I was making a point that some country music does often appeal to the simple minded folks like myself but so what. So does rock, my past music preference. Same can be said of movies. I enjoy watching the Godfather. I also love to watch the movie "Dumb and Dumber". It has absolutely NO redeeming value and is completely silly and appeals to "the least common denominator". Now I am not calling all country music equivalent to this movie but some is and some isn't. My song for instance is. It's silly, not real profound and is suppose to just be a fun song. Not a whole lot of in depth meaning. Appealing to the "LCD" in that it will hopefully just entertain the listener and not solicit deep thoughts of sadness or joy. Many country songs will do this but not this one. I hope I explained well. I do respect the genre so perhaps I did not communicate that comment as I intended it. Sorry if it appeared I was selling out country. I am not...

Oh, my. I hear the train a'comin.

Quote:Oh, my. I hear the train a'comin. Now that cracked me up, Squid...

Hi JohnAs always, catchy with a good hook chorus. I agree that there is a disconnect between the verses. You may need a smoother transition for the change in how you go from broken hearted to not really missing her anymore. Also, the pre-chorus lyrics for verse 1 don't seem to fit the story flow all that well. The turn around with the words following verse 2 is nice, though... As you know, Nashville is extremely picky and something like this might stop you at the gate. Do I know for sure? Definitely not especially since country is not my thing. I'm going by what I've seen from other songwriters pitching to Nashville. The slightest wart and you don't get heard. If you are not sure, I suggest getting a pro-critique. I do like the song. Musically, one thing that I wasn't sure about was your pre-chorus. It didn't flow all that smoothly into the chorus and it reminded me a bit of the Beatles' Maxwell's Silver Hammer.Everything I've heard from you has been really good. So, I'd take in all the feedback from peers and pros, see what sticks with you, and do some re-work. All the best, Casey