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Bump Casey

My answer is no. Good song by the way.

Thanks Horace Kelly Ann and I thank you very much...Casey

i love the first two lines. right there, i knew this song was going to be good in my book. i dig

Nice song, recording and mix... Vocals were a little like a subdued Grateful Dead tone.. pretty cool... the arrangement is a little strange, although I can't seem to put one together that would be considered normal, so that doesn't necessarily offend me... The stretched out second B section caught me as a little bit of a struggle... If that portion could build a little with some backing vocal arrangement driving the point home, I think that would bring it together...It seems so easy to hear things in other folks efforts or at least things to try... If I could learn to be that subjective on my own stuff... who knows..Thanks,DaveThe Davewavehttp://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandid=189280

Thanks Gschmitt and Dada I appreciate the listen and the feedback. A few have told me the vocal is a little low in the mix. The main reason for this post (although I love any feedback! ) was to discuss ABAB song structure (verse/bridge/verse/bridge without a chorus) and whether or not a song can achieve any success in that format. With that in mind, anyone care to comment?I wrote this song a long time ago before I attended "Songwriting School" . I didn't know about rhyming patterns, hooks, etc at that time- just started strumming and singing. Some of the lyric corrections shown MIGHT address a bit of that, but I think the song is too personal and specific (lyrics up top of thread). What do you think?Thanks,Casey

Well, your initial post was pretty specific.. I can't say I can think of a hit song with that format... To say the song is scrapped would be your decision... Personally I think the end of the bridges at least need to drive home a point both musically and lyrically (which 2 and 3 do, lyrically at least)... I haven't tested any serious waters with my music, but all I seem to hear is either where's the chorus hook and the chorus isn't big enough... I guess most folks are listening for the chorus...I ramble, but had to reply back since I didn't voice the correct opinion the first time.. I still like the tune overall..Later,Dave

Hey Casey-This is a nice song. It might not be #1 hit material due to its unorthodox structure and its singer/songwriter vibe (which compliments the song nicely IMHO), but it still deserves to be sung and heard! Putting on my critics's hat, I think the piano sound robs some life from the track; it sounds small and artificial in comparison to the organic acoutsic guitars and other "live" instruments (though the mix shows it in a good light considering its shortcomings).As far as ABAB hits go, Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" is ABAB(BB), with several modulations throughout. Of course, he's already in a niche category with his style, so this might not be a good comparison to your song.Don't scrap it. Andre

Hello Casey, If you’re still looking for pennies ... here’s my two cents. As I know the ABAB format to be, your song doesn’t quite fit this song structure, it’s more of an ABABCBA kinda layout - not that it much matters as long as the words and music carry the ear along ... you got yourself a song I think, that you think , that there is enough that is good about this song that it’s worth offering up for critique. So before you decide to kill ‘er all together I say keep whatever makes this song memorable, work on the voice of the song and POV ..unless it’s a duet, or schizophrenic cowboy tale ( something this world has much to little of ) ... I’d say that you’re A ‘s and B ‘s should sound, at the very least, like they know each other: Verse 1Kelly Ann you talk to me like a personNo one here has the sense to do thatWhat I don't need is more of those cheery smilesKelly Ann you just give me the factsB Section 1"Such a fine young boyWhy would he ever try to hurt himself""Such a fine young boyIt's just one time he had too much to sleep at night"I can't sleep at nightVerse 1, is in the singers voice and singers point of view ... he want’s to tell us about Kelly Anne ... then out of nowhere B Section 1. Introduces a new voice , a new character (who is he’s talking about and why do we, you , me and kelly anne care. Then just a suddenly as you left you return to the final line of B Section 1. To proclaim that you, yourself can’t sleep at night... Do you hear what I’m hearing ... I thinks it falls under the First, second and third person narratives dilemma we all have to rewrite thru. Any who, didn’t expect to write this much, but I did so you owe me a penny. The melody is nice the simplicity of your verses is refreshing ... I don’t think you need to complicate the bridges so much to achieve contrast... And please kick somebody out of this bed so my ears have room to breath. P. O. V.