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If you don't mind, just read quick through the lyric.... in one sentence, tell me what is going on in the story and why... The transmit link is there if you want to hear the song.....http://www.broadjam.com/transmit/transm ... ndsq=1What Did You Expect?By Jack Ezickson copr 2006Well I wonder, if you know by now, the word is spreading all over townI've been seeing another woman I've been fooling aroundI always had these needs you never seeas simple as needing air to breatheNow you stand there wonderin' why I cheated on youWhat did you expect me to do?We had our fights, you said your words that kinda made me doubt the way you feelbut life, is too short a ride to stay with a love that isn't realWhy you never heard all this before I was talking to a locked bedroom doorSo don't stand there wonderin' why I cheated on youWhat did you expect me to do?I always hoped we'd work this out and we would find a wayto give each other all the love we needthe kind of love you feel when you can't live without someoneBut we never could, we never did, we never willSo I'll go up go pack my stuff I can tell by the tears in your voiceYou want me gone and you're blaming me,You say I already made my choiceSo sit there let it out, have your cry, the only thing to do is say goodbyeAnd I'll take the blame for cheating on youWhat did you expect me to do?Would be much appreciated...ArkJack

Hi Jack - I can't tell you in one sentence what is going on in the story and why, because... you have 2 or 3 ideas here:- I'm cheating guy, you knew that, get over it - I had high hopes for this love & thought we'd work things out- don't blame me for being cold, you turned away from me firstI think you need to pick one and go with it.I also think there's a lot of talk in the lyric, but a lack of emotion or imagery to convey it. That's fine if the point of view & the genre carry it. The lyric seems wordy & a little unstructured.Musically I was expecting uptempo, because there seems to be anger in the lyric. But that could just be my wacky brain.I think there's potential here, you just need to decide what it is you are trying to say, and really focus on it. Nice playing!Just off the top of my head - trim it down....(it's) all over townI've been fooling 'round(two steppin' with Joy)(like a country toy boy)(I see it on your face)(I feel your cold embrace)(can't hide my guilty eyes)(the pain I can't disguise)(... I've been a fool)tell me we can work this out(... I've been a fool)do do do do do do -out(We can) find a way to give each other all the love we need(if you'll just forgive me)(... I've been a fool)I think your lyric would work if you could focus on one idea, maybe think a faster tempo, and get your hook happening. Just my opinion, feel free to keep or sweep.cheersHummin'bird

It sounds like he is rationalizing cheating on her and wanting to not feel guilty about breaking up the relationship.But I agree with Vikki. He talks around it with these other passing thoughts that distract.

One man who wanted sex and/or affection out of his relationship but didn't get what he wanted. He seems to be saying that she is blaming the gap between them on him, when he believes it is her. A situation that was impossible to solve. Meaning he would never get what he wanted, so he went looking for it elsewhere.Well, that's what I get from the lyrics.

Wow..... this is very interesting..... Jeffe hit the nail on the head with a bomb..... which means that three out of four didn't pick it up.... or said another way... the lyrics are only working 25%.... I went to a songwriter workshop last summer with Bill Pere who presented an analysis of the correlation of Meyers Briggs personality types and the understandability and popularity of lyrics.... I'll have to go back and re-read those notes.... This to me is the hardest part... . I can't quite figure out what else to do to this song as it is.... and feel inclined to leave it intact and move on to a new song altogether.... the other factor that caught my eye is whether the influence of 14 years with my stepfather from Swindon is impacting my writing.... and how I convey thoughts in my lyrics.... ?? Thanks for the feedback.... it is helpful and very appreciated...ArkJack

Another interesting point for you. You've got a lot of songwriters on here, and they look deeper into the words than your average joe would. So that percentage could be even lower!You created a puzzle with the song. There have been elements of the story left out. I assume for the listener to work out. This sort of method works well with some subjects.How many good songs did you think you knew the meanings of. Only to find out later that they meant something else?It can work.However. Some companies are very fussy, and want the meaning screaming out at them.

The lines seem way too long, AJ. Bird called it too much talking, or something like that. Even Bob Dylan didn't have lines that long.I may be bothered by the songs opening--too close to Hank Williams. "The news is out all over townThat you've been seen out running round."The principal ideas here are well-cliched.These impressions were all without listening to the song. Once I listen I hear that you have the end stops in different places from your written version. So that is no longer a problem.A song with this many words and of this Dylanish type should contain powerful images and ideas in every verse, but your lyrics keep repeating the same ideas."I've been seeing another woman, I've been fooling around." Both sides of the comma say the same thing. I think you could eliminate the second half and be more effective, not less.You have some good lines as well. I like the locked bedroom door.I don't think you worked quite hard enough on the lyrics to this one. There is a pathos running throughout that you almost manage to capture. Your character is not a happy man. The song has feeling but the words do not quite deliver all I feel they could. It is a verbose song, and that is OK. You just need a lot more active phrases in a long, verbose song IMO. Besides, I believe I hear very well what you are trying to get at, and what you are trying to acheive is indeed possible in this song.Despite what may seem harsh criticism, I do like the song. I just think you can do a lot more with it.

Thanks horace.... I do see a good change there.... "I've been seeing another woman... and not just fooling around...." gives it the right dimension that its beyond a fling, that something serious is going on..... I keep going over these lines and my gut keeps telling me they are just right for the song....its always little tweeks here and there.... I wonder sometimes why the song doesn't go on and is blocked by little tweeks like that.... or how many "little tweeks" are needed to make the song complete enough so it can be forwarded on a high bar listing.... seems like an artist recording it would have one last tweek change at the final session.... I'd be like "cool... change it"... This is the part of the business where the fog gets thick... Thanks again for the help ...ArkJack

It's amazing, the difference just a few word changes can make in a song.

I just read this again, and it still seems convoluted to me. Especially the part that says "I always hoped we'd work this out and we would find a wayto give each other all the love we need"which comes right after the part that says"I always had these needs.. as simple as needing air to breatheNow you stand there wonderin' why I cheated on you?What did you expect me to do?"For me these two thoughts don't go together. Either you love her and want to be with her and work it out (the relationship matters to you), or you are a happy-go-lucky playboy who cheats at the drop of a hat & she should get over it (the relationship doesn't matter to you), or you are an angry man who cheats because she locked you out of the bedroom (the relationship used to matter to you until she made you angry).What are you trying to say? Can you put the story of the song into 3 to 5 words? Or even write a short outline of the story you are trying to tell?Have you thought of sending this in for a custom critique? Or try sending it to John Braheny - he'll give you a line-by-line critique of the lyric. Might help.H