Would love some feedback on this singer/songwriter song

[MSteinmann]

Hi,

I wrote this little song "Turn my day around" (bottom of the list on our Taxi band page):

https://www.taximusic.com/hosting/home.php?userid=71312

for listing Y181105SF - an ad about a kid having a bad day and his mom saving him . It got returned with the following friendly critique: "Maya, There's a lot of potential in the songwriting in Turn My Day Around - nice concepts. You definitely kept in mind the commercial will pull 30 seconds out of a song for a spot. As the listing is looking for a song with production like Brave by Sara Bareilles or Bubbly / Colbie Caillat, I'd spend time working on different forms of songwriting and drawing from pop influences from various eras to really nail something like this. "

I'd love some feedback... for example, what genre would you say the song is in now? I have a folk-pop background and really seem to have trouble putting my finger on what makes for a "singer/songwriter" song... also, if you have ideas on how to improve the mix, arrangement, songwriting etc, that'd be very welcome too! It was done very quickly and I know the vocals and mix could be better...

Thanks!

Best,
Maya

[ttully]

Hey Maya,

Well....your song is folky.... but not pop enough.
Listen to Brave by Sara Bareilles and compare to yours......MAKE YOURS MORE LIKE THAT!!!!!


My 2 cents worth,
Tim

[MSteinmann]

Thanks Tim!

Yeah, I guess the pop elements in "Brave" are especially the rhythmic arrangements and vocal style, right?
We didn't get specific references in the listing, but the ones they wrote in the critique are definitely helpful... I'll give it a try.

Best, Maya

[ttully]

Well...if you didn't get good examples, it is very tough to give them what they want!!!
Your track could be perfect for a different listing...

And yes.... I mean the rhythmic stuff and vocal style....that is what is making it pop.



Thanks,
Tim

[MSteinmann]

Yeah, I was a bit lost - they did mention these artists but no specific songs, and I'm not that good at guessing yet.
I figured it was those things I'd have to change. Thanks Tim!

Best, Maya

[songmaster]

Hi Maya

I like your song and I can also see why it didn't fit the listing.I have a little trick I do when I want to write a song like say Ed Sheeran. I will look at his chord patterns for a song I like and I will write a different melody and lyrics to it. I will also stick closely to his rhythmic choice which will automatically feel very contemporary. I guess it is a bit of cheating but I think it is the only way to really study what these guys are doing. I'm sure they also cheat a little

Tom

[MSteinmann]

Hey Tom,

thanks, that's a very good idea! I think that really could help to get my songs to sound more contemporary.
Yes, I'm sure no one is inventing everything in their songs from scratch !

Best,
Maya