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"Deal Breaker"

Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2019 1:08 pm
by Casey H
I haven't put a song up in P2P for a long time... This one is a co-write with Marcus Cohen, with vocal by Juliet Lyons... Produced by Paul Otten. It takes a village! :D

Any and all comments welcome. :D ... ns/s-afahC


Re: "Deal Breaker"

Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2019 1:12 pm
by ComposerLDG
Listening now, Casey, liking it from the very beginning. Great vocals, production is nice and tight. Sounds like a winner to me!

Re: "Deal Breaker"

Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2019 8:07 pm
by annalynchmusic
Hi Casey,
This genre is far from my wheelhouse but wanted to chime in and say I think the words are great!
Sounds a bit Pop-Punk to me, was that what you were going for?

Best of luck with this one!

Re: "Deal Breaker"

Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2019 6:10 am
by songmaster
Great song Casey! It's got that " Hit Me With Your Best Shot " vibe, only more contemporary. A winning combination with all you have aboard. Great vocals and production and nicely written :)


Re: "Deal Breaker"

Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2019 6:33 am
by Elderman
Hey Casey

Well done. Great hook and production. Reminds me of Pat Benatar. Like it very much.


Re: "Deal Breaker"

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2019 1:02 am
by mikemichnya
Hey Casey,

I liked the song from the start. Nicely produced, great energy, cool vibe and loved the hook!

There were two (maybe three) minor lyric speed bumps for me. The 'expectations - imperfections' rhyme in the chorus doesn't work for me, since it's the next to last syllable (before the '-tion') that rhymes. I'd look for something a little stronger (limitations, provocations, etc.). Same thing in the second verse with the 'wrong - hard' non-rhyme. You set up that nice AABCCB rhyme scheme in the first verse, you're strong enough writers to keep the meaning and find a rhyme in the back end of the verse. In verse two, since you ended line one with 'someone', in line three, you might replace the 'Someone who'd' with 'I thought you'd'. Just a thought.

Lastly, I think the "There was a time that I cared for you" line in the pre-chorus is redundant and doesn't advance the story. You could repurpose the line from the middle of the chorus:

It’s not what you did it’s what you didn’t do
You weren’t there when I needed you

Of course, you'd then have to replace THAT line in the chorus with another line (maybe another 'ation' rhyme?). Or something like:

Baby, if I don't see you first
Maybe I'll see you later
Oh yea, see you later
‘Cos that's a deal breaker

I wondered if you considered repeating the hook?

So now it’s see you later
Oh yea, see you later
‘Cos that's a deal breaker
Yeah, you're a deal breaker

Mtc, fwiw.

Best of luck with it!