TAXI.com

Hi Taxi gang,

I've had a few recent submit/returns on this song that said there were too many cliche's especially in the first verse. I agree and have updated the lyrics. I would love to get some feedback on the updates before I have a professional singer do a vocal track.

Before:
https://www.taxi.com/members/xWPwd39XQl ... -last-name

After:
https://www.taxi.com/members/xWPwd39XQl ... --v2-rough

Thanks,
Troy

I just want to say first off that I love the start of your chorus. It really hooks me in. Just my opinion, but I don't see any real difference between the lyrics as far as the amount of cliched lyrics. It's not that I think they are too cliche, I'm just comparing based on what the screener says.

The thing that bothers me is that your first line says "the way you walk into a room". That does not set me up for him wanting to marry her. I'd rather it be more special things that they share, how much they have in common, how much he can't live without her. Your stuff seems like he's setting her up for "Girl, I want to date you", rather than marry you. I don't know what the lyric should be (and I wouldn't be so bold to give my lyrics like some people on here do) but these are not quite it.

Thanks @karafinman !!

I get what you are saying. The origins of the hook is as a cheesy pick up line so right in line with what you are saying. It needs to be deeper than that so it sets the tone.

I will work on getting a better opening line.

Troy