Newbie... Feedback please... If you have a minute...
Posted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:46 am
I'm a brand new official member of Taxi, though I've been checking out the website for a while... I posted something last week re: the first professional demos I sent out/received back & whether or not they 'cut it'.
The more I listen to them the more they grow on me... BUT...
My concern is that, for the most part, they're not how I intended them to sound. In particular is "Finally Movin' On". It sounds a bit jumbled, starting near the end of the second verse. I meant for the lyrics to flow together, but that's not how they turned out. Was the song improved? Please let me know what you think.... I am a newbie, after all! What do I know?
I have only 5 songs up right now, and would appreciate any feedback you can give on any aspect of any of them... More to come soon, hopefully...
I don't want to tie up the board, so I'll leave my link and the lyrics to one of the songs.
http://www.taxi.com/hayzel70
I truly appreciate honesty... AND I don't expect anyone to listen to ALL of them!
Thanks!
Brenda
Finally Movin’ On
by Brenda Friederick
(1st Verse)
In desperate pain, he watched his only son spiral
Been reaching out to him in vain for the last three years
His guilt and his shame about the son he couldn’t save was undeniable
Remembering the boy he used to be brought a lot of hard tears
That boy’s changes raised questions that came with a lot of hard tears
(Chorus)
What is the number that equals too many times?
When is enough, enough? Where is the line?
Where is the line?
(2nd Verse)
All that remained was the shell of a stranger who wouldn’t let him in
He just wanted his son back, but that boy's arms bore tracks of the lost
Betrayal and lies replaced the peace in their lives, grief nearly killed that man
Some wondered when he’d discover love doesn’t require that high a cost
(3rd Verse)
When that day finally came he packed his memories away and said “Son, I love you!
The door will be open for you when you’re ready to live
But watching you killing yourself is killing me, too
Never thought I’d turn my back on you but I’ve given all I can give!”
(Chorus)
What is the number that equals too many times?
When is enough, enough?
Where is the line?
When comes the moment you are defined
As either weak or strong, right or wrong
For letting go and finally movin’ on?
The more I listen to them the more they grow on me... BUT...
My concern is that, for the most part, they're not how I intended them to sound. In particular is "Finally Movin' On". It sounds a bit jumbled, starting near the end of the second verse. I meant for the lyrics to flow together, but that's not how they turned out. Was the song improved? Please let me know what you think.... I am a newbie, after all! What do I know?
I have only 5 songs up right now, and would appreciate any feedback you can give on any aspect of any of them... More to come soon, hopefully...
I don't want to tie up the board, so I'll leave my link and the lyrics to one of the songs.
http://www.taxi.com/hayzel70
I truly appreciate honesty... AND I don't expect anyone to listen to ALL of them!
Thanks!
Brenda
Finally Movin’ On
by Brenda Friederick
(1st Verse)
In desperate pain, he watched his only son spiral
Been reaching out to him in vain for the last three years
His guilt and his shame about the son he couldn’t save was undeniable
Remembering the boy he used to be brought a lot of hard tears
That boy’s changes raised questions that came with a lot of hard tears
(Chorus)
What is the number that equals too many times?
When is enough, enough? Where is the line?
Where is the line?
(2nd Verse)
All that remained was the shell of a stranger who wouldn’t let him in
He just wanted his son back, but that boy's arms bore tracks of the lost
Betrayal and lies replaced the peace in their lives, grief nearly killed that man
Some wondered when he’d discover love doesn’t require that high a cost
(3rd Verse)
When that day finally came he packed his memories away and said “Son, I love you!
The door will be open for you when you’re ready to live
But watching you killing yourself is killing me, too
Never thought I’d turn my back on you but I’ve given all I can give!”
(Chorus)
What is the number that equals too many times?
When is enough, enough?
Where is the line?
When comes the moment you are defined
As either weak or strong, right or wrong
For letting go and finally movin’ on?