Removed will re-submit at a later date
Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 2:25 am
This song had to return to the intensive care unit, for repair. It's in a critical but stable condition.
Hi Major Shadow, you sound like your enjoying what you do.
help I could suggest, having a look at a more defined melody, it did feel a little like it was half sang and half read.
Learning the words off by heart and not singing as you read will help in bringing it more towards a 'song' - flow verse to chorus and such because you will notice were block parts are in the lyrics. By Blocking Parts I mean were a line has more syllables than the melody can take ( before it becomes a different melody), causing the songs melody flow to be 'blocked' / stopped. Where we lose the listener.
It could be you have many song (meaning mostly melody) ideas in this one , learning words off by heart is the first step to picking one melody you like and sticking with it, then lyric changes will flow naturally as they are highlighted as not "fitting" - I hear that is referred to here on the forums as 'phrasing'.
Putting in the work in to learn it off by heart is something I feel personally all songs need to go through before recording, but it should be easy/come naturally, if it is hardwork to achieve singing from memory, then we have a huge indication that something needs work. If the melody and words are hard to stick in our head as the writers, it is likely impossible they will stick in the head of the listener
That's all, of course, if it is a traditional idea of a song with verses/chorus that you are going for.
Hope I helped
Sedge