Need "better lyrics" on return S210809NK
Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2021 8:33 am
Hi everyone. This is my first post in forums, first submission, first return! haha
My question: I agree with the feedback, but asking the community for suggestions. It's hard for me to hear what could be improved in the lyrics based on the feedback. Listening the references, the lyrics seem metaphorical to me. The feedback was lyrics needed improvement and looking for some tips on how.
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My song: "We're Not Alone"
https://soundcloud.com/genxmark_music/w ... and-vocals
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The listing:
MODERN POP SONGS with Female Vocals are needed by a Major Label A&R Executive for a HUGE, Grammy-winning Artist working on her next album.
This Artist is looking for Mid-Tempo Songs that could fit on a playlist with the following references:
"Just Give Me A Reason" by P!NK feat. Nate Ruess
"Elastic Heart" by Sia
"Million Reasons" by Lady Gaga
Although one of the references has some Male Vocals, please submit Songs with Female Vocals only for this request. No Duets, please.
Please send well-crafted Pop Songs with captivating melodies, soaring choruses, and excellent lyrics. Your production and any virtual instruments or samples you use should be high-quality and modern. Expressive, well-performed vocals could be the cherry on top. This Artist is looking for Songs that could land her on the Top 40 charts NOW – give her that!
Your production and recording quality needs to be clean, clear, well-balanced, and good enough to represent your Songs well. Do NOT copy the references in any way, shape, or form. Use them only as a general guide for tone, texture, and overall vibe.
Please submit as many Songs as you'd like, online or per CD; include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI. Submissions must be received no later than 11:59 PM (PDT) on Monday, August 9th, 2021. TAXI # S210809NK
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The feedback:
I think you could improve this song by:
"The lyrics could be strengthened and refined here. The listing requirement is for a "pop song" with "excellent lyrics." Using a more conversational, organic approach mixed with an innovated/edgy spin (rather than metaphorical) would help the listener interpret your song as a pop song with an excellent lyric."
I returned or forwarded this song because:
I am returning this song because it does not fit the listing requirement of "pop song" with "Excellent lyrics."
Box checked: "Lyrics need improvement"
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Lyrics:
--Verse 1
Even when others have let us down
We know where we belong
The best times have yet to be found
Two rights can’t make a wrong
The stars align
Even when planets collide
We have our past that makes us strong
--Pre-Chorus
Maybe it’s not so bad after all
Maybe it is and maybe we’ll fall
Here with you by my side
The wall is crumblin’ down
There’s no fear, no need to hide
--Chorus
We’re not alone
No matter how low we go
We’re home
We’re not alone
No matter how low we go
We’re home
--Verse 2
Looking at broken pieces on the ground
No need to pick them up
Tryin’ to kick you when you are down
Tell me is it enough
My scars my pride
The worst is out of sight
We’re down, all that’s left is up
--Pre-Chorus
Maybe it’s not so bad after all
Maybe it is and maybe we’ll fall
Here with you by my side
The wall is crumblin’ down
There’s no fear, no need to hide
--Chorus
We’re not alone
No matter how low we go
We’re home
--Chorus
We’re not alone
No matter how low we go
We’re home
My question: I agree with the feedback, but asking the community for suggestions. It's hard for me to hear what could be improved in the lyrics based on the feedback. Listening the references, the lyrics seem metaphorical to me. The feedback was lyrics needed improvement and looking for some tips on how.
------------------------
My song: "We're Not Alone"
https://soundcloud.com/genxmark_music/w ... and-vocals
-------------------------
The listing:
MODERN POP SONGS with Female Vocals are needed by a Major Label A&R Executive for a HUGE, Grammy-winning Artist working on her next album.
This Artist is looking for Mid-Tempo Songs that could fit on a playlist with the following references:
"Just Give Me A Reason" by P!NK feat. Nate Ruess
"Elastic Heart" by Sia
"Million Reasons" by Lady Gaga
Although one of the references has some Male Vocals, please submit Songs with Female Vocals only for this request. No Duets, please.
Please send well-crafted Pop Songs with captivating melodies, soaring choruses, and excellent lyrics. Your production and any virtual instruments or samples you use should be high-quality and modern. Expressive, well-performed vocals could be the cherry on top. This Artist is looking for Songs that could land her on the Top 40 charts NOW – give her that!
Your production and recording quality needs to be clean, clear, well-balanced, and good enough to represent your Songs well. Do NOT copy the references in any way, shape, or form. Use them only as a general guide for tone, texture, and overall vibe.
Please submit as many Songs as you'd like, online or per CD; include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI. Submissions must be received no later than 11:59 PM (PDT) on Monday, August 9th, 2021. TAXI # S210809NK
---------------------------
The feedback:
I think you could improve this song by:
"The lyrics could be strengthened and refined here. The listing requirement is for a "pop song" with "excellent lyrics." Using a more conversational, organic approach mixed with an innovated/edgy spin (rather than metaphorical) would help the listener interpret your song as a pop song with an excellent lyric."
I returned or forwarded this song because:
I am returning this song because it does not fit the listing requirement of "pop song" with "Excellent lyrics."
Box checked: "Lyrics need improvement"
------------
Lyrics:
--Verse 1
Even when others have let us down
We know where we belong
The best times have yet to be found
Two rights can’t make a wrong
The stars align
Even when planets collide
We have our past that makes us strong
--Pre-Chorus
Maybe it’s not so bad after all
Maybe it is and maybe we’ll fall
Here with you by my side
The wall is crumblin’ down
There’s no fear, no need to hide
--Chorus
We’re not alone
No matter how low we go
We’re home
We’re not alone
No matter how low we go
We’re home
--Verse 2
Looking at broken pieces on the ground
No need to pick them up
Tryin’ to kick you when you are down
Tell me is it enough
My scars my pride
The worst is out of sight
We’re down, all that’s left is up
--Pre-Chorus
Maybe it’s not so bad after all
Maybe it is and maybe we’ll fall
Here with you by my side
The wall is crumblin’ down
There’s no fear, no need to hide
--Chorus
We’re not alone
No matter how low we go
We’re home
--Chorus
We’re not alone
No matter how low we go
We’re home