High Stakes - alt-country or folk (minor edits)

[mikeShort]

A study in metaphor. Does this work for you? For a little structural clarification, this is essential V C V C B C, but the second chorus is truncated to get right into the bridge.

Edited version shortens one line in the chorus and adds one line to the bridge, which became necessary once the music started emerging.

High Stakes
by Michael B. Short © 2013

I'm the hand she carefully dealt
Then laid face down upon the felt
Never in the least compelled
To find out what it was she held
Could have been an ace high
Could have been a pair
Could have been a full house
That she left lying there

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The turning of a card
That's the only way
She could have known I was the winner
But she left the game
And never seemed to know
She'd hit the jackpot

I'm the wheel she'd give a spin
But never wait until she'd win
Round and round the ball she goes
But where she stops we'll never know
Could be a zero
Could be a rouge
Could be a seven
When she'd walk away we'd lose

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The spinning of the wheel
That's the only way
She could have known I was the winner
But she left the game
And never seemed to know
It was me who gambled everything
Doubled down and felt the sting
When she wouldn't stay and play
Downed her drink and walked away
To find a game that wasn't mine
Another fool who stands in line
Do I dare clean up
The chips she left behind

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The wheel or a hand
That's the only way
She could have known I was the winner
But she left the game
And never seemed to know
She'd hit the jackpot

[LooknGlass]

I'm the hand she carefully dealt
Then laid face down upon the felt
Never in the least compelled
To find out what it was she held
Could have been an ace high
Could have been a pair
Could have been a full house
That she left lying there


Hi Mike, I like most of this verse, but have a question (I could be missing something, I didn't see) You say "I'm the hand she carefully dealt" and then say " Never in the least compelled
To find out what it was she held". It sounds conflicting when you were the hand dealt and then didn't know what she had. But I see the idea and like it. "Laid hers face down upon the felt" (or something like it) would alleviate that (imo). I can't really comment a lot on it because I don't have the melody that would help me piece it together better. "Round and round the ball she goes"...I just can't get the feel of that line, yet with the right music I may change my mind. Overall I like what you're working at and like what I see.

[mikeShort]

I don't understand your confusion over the imagery in the first verse. One deals cards face down, which she did (in metaphor) then never picked up the cards to look at them. In the metaphor world, she deals herself a winning hand but doesn't know it because she never takes the time to look at it, or indeed even feels any urge to look. She reeled in the singer then didn't even take the time to see what the relationship was or could be.

The second verse may not be all that clear. It's a reference to roulette, where you spin the wheel then release the ball, and the ball rolls around the top of the bowl before falling into the slot, which determines the outcome. So what I was trying for was:

Round and round the ball she (being the ball) goes

But leaving it vague enough that it could be the ball we're talking about, or the "she" in the song.

Explaining is general not a good thing! So I may have work to do.

[nylyrics]

Mike:

First of all i love VEGAS -baby, that said, I agree with lookinglass and your thougts about working on it more.

I think it makes sense if you say "I'm the hand she was dealt" or ''..carefully dealt" because the way you have it now she is the dealer and she dealt someone else cards is the picture - even though she may be dealing herself some cards too.

Andy

[mikeShort]

Okay, I'm convinced that there was an issue with whether "she" was a player or dealer, so I've tried to clear that up, fix some other awkward lines, and clean up some tense issues. It's now in the present tense (except lines 3 and 4 in the first verse, which is okay since she no longer holds the hand once she lays it on the table, right?). I also softened the jackpot line by adding "If" to make the singer seem less confident and/or arrogant. What do you think?

High Stakes
by Michael B. Short © 2013

I'm the hand that she is dealt dealt
Then lays face down upon the felt
Never in the least compelled
To find out what it was she held
Could be an ace high
Could be a pair
Could be a full house
That she leaves lying there

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The turning of a card
That's the only way
She could find out I'm the winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
If she hit the jackpot

I'm the wheel she starts to play
They roll the ball as she walks away
Round and round the ball she goes
But where she stops we'll never know
Could be a zero
Could be a rouge
Could be a seven
She goes and we lose

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The turning of a card
That's the only way
She could find out I'm the winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
That it's me who gambles everything
Doubles down and feels the sting
When she doesn't stay and play
But downs her drink and walks away
To find a game that isn't mine
Another fool who stands in line
Do I dare clean up
The chips she leaves behind

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The wheel and the hand
Are the only way
She could find out I'm the winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
If she hit the jackpot

[nylyrics]

Mike;

So you the singer art the casino games and she is a player who is missing opportunities and not taking chances? Is that the story?

A few comments below might help make it clearer.
I would also think about how to add more conversational sounding lines in it - think of it as YOU are the casino games or gambling in general and take on that voice "I am a high stakes game but worth the chance....wont you please allow me one dance?"

Andy

High Stakes
by Michael B. Short © 2013

I'm the hand that she is dealt dealt
Then lays face down upon the felt
Never in the least compelled
To find out what it was she held
Could be an ace high (maybe add "I " before this first line)
Could be a pair
Could be a full house
That she leaves lying there

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The turning of a card
That's the only way
She could find out I'm the winner (A winner)
But she leaves the game
And never knows
If she hit the jackpot

I'm the wheel she starts to play
They roll the ball as she walks away
Round and round the ball she goes (She sounds like the ball now instead of her or is she walking around the ball in circles?
But where she stops we'll never know
Could be a zero
Could be a rouge
Could be a seven
She goes and we lose

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The turning of a card
That's the only way
She could find out I'm the winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
That it's me who gambles everything
Doubles down and feels the sting
When she doesn't stay and play
But downs her drink and walks away
To find a game that isn't mine
Another fool who stands in line
Do I dare clean up
The chips she leaves behind

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The wheel and the hand
Are the only way
She could find out I'm the winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
If she hit the jackpot

[mikeShort]

I've reworked the lyrics to clean up a couple of POV problems that you all have pointed out. I've now tried to make it clear that the "she" in the song is a player, and the singer the games. The bridge pivots a little bit to show how much the singer has put into the games, or into being the games, if you prefer. I think all in all it's much more cohesive, but I'd like to know what you think.

I've cut extra stuff from the end of the verses, and added a verse, so the structure is now: V V C V C B C. The last line of the second chorus is dropped to roll right into the bridge.

And the last line of the first chorus if she hit the jackpot, changes in the last chorus by dropping the "if." That's not a typo. Without the "if" in the first chorus, the singer seems arrogant. By dropping the "if" later, he seems despondant, at least to me!

What say you?

High Stakes
by Michael B. Short © 2013

I'm the hand that she is dealt
Then lays face down upon the felt
Never in the least compelled
To find out what it was she held

I'm the wheel she starts to play
They roll the ball as she walks away
Round and round and round it goes
But where it stops she'll never know

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
Show the cards spin the wheel
That's the only way
She could find out I'm a winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
If she hit the jackpot

I'm the dice held in her hand
Above the table where she stands
She shakes them up and lets them roll
But never watches where they fall

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The throw of the dice
That's the only way
She could find out I'm a winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
That it's me who gambles everything
Doubles down and feels the sting
When she doesn't stay and play
But downs her drink and walks away
To find a game that isn't mine
Another fool who stands in line
Do I dare clean up the scattered chips she leaves behind

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
The dice the wheel the cards
Are the only way
She could find out I'm a winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
She hit the jackpot