High Stakes - alt-country singer/songwriter folk

[mikeShort]

Edited: I realized that I hadn't change one line in the chorus in this version; now I've done that.

At least one friend thought this song should be written in simile, and not metaphor, but after thinking about that, I'm staying with metaphor.

Another criticism was that three gambling metaphors was one too many, and that the third verse should be different. That's what brings me here for your comments.

For those of you joining late, there used to be a first verse that started "I'm the hand that she is dealt". I like it as poetry, but "dealt" and "felt" are extremely difficult words to sing at the end of a line. So when I came up with a new third verse, switching the point of view from the singer to the "she", I ditched the first verse and went with old verses two and three. This is what I came up with. What say you?

High Stakes
by Michael B. Short © 2013

I'm the wheel she starts to play
They roll the ball as she walks away
Round and round and round it goes
But where it stops she'll never know

I'm the dice held in her hand
Above the table where she stands
She shakes them up and lets them roll
But never watches where they fall

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
Spin the wheel throw the dice
That's the only way
She could find out I'm a winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
If she hit the jackpot

She's the game that has no rules
Played with gambling chips of fools
A game that no one ever wins
But she will never lose again

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
Spin the wheel throw the dice
That's the only way
She could find out I'm a winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
That it's me who gambles everything
Doubles down and feels the sting
When she doesn't stay and play
But downs her drink and walks away
To find a game that isn't mine
Another fool who stands in line
Do I dare clean up the scattered chips she leaves behind

High stakes on the table
High hopes on one play
Spin the wheel throw the dice
Are the only way
She could find out I'm a winner
But she leaves the game
And never knows
She hit the jackpot

[LooknGlass]

Yes, I think I remember the previous version. I like what you have and although some may see redundancy with the metaphors, I think it sits well, especially with the right music and singing style. It's obvious to me that the gambling metaphors are the meat to the message and I say good job.