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Hey guys,

Hope this finds you all in superb fettle. Thanks in advance for any feedback. I've posted the song recording at the bottom so you can see how I've fitted in the lyrics after you've read 'em.

Thorny Roses

(Gareth Ebbs)

I won't call you baby
Baby if you give me just a maybe, maybe
I can be courageous
But I can't stand us being strangers, strangers

You say you don't know
But I think you know just what you're doing
Every time you come around
You always end up screwing,
with my head

Thorny Roses are what I'm holding
You don't want me and it cuts me so
Thorny Roses are what I'm holding
My hands are bleeding but I just can't let go, of you

I walk by the highway staring at the sky
I feel so hazy, so hazy
Were there ever really times when you were you mine?
Or was I crazy, just crazy?

Deep inside I know
I'll never get back your affection
So I want you to go
But I've got just one last question, are we really through?

Thorny Roses are what I'm holding
You don't want me and it cuts me so
Thorny Roses are what I'm holding
My hands are bleeding but I just can't let go of you

I know I'm not gonna change your mind
I know we're out of time but I just can't seem to see the truth
It's just so hard to see you walk away, walk away
Please just walk away

Thorny Roses are what I'm holding
You don't want me and it cuts me so
Thorny Roses are what I'm holding
My hands are bleeding but I just can't let go of you

https://soundcloud.com/stasissounds/thorny-roses

Damn, that's really nice! You might want to post this in Peer to Peer to get more feedback. I love the lyrics in the chorus. If your intent is to pitch this to other artists then I'd say it's fine as is. But if you want to submit it as a finished product to libraries and such, you'll probably need the instrumentals to sound a bit more natural. Maybe record them in a studio with a real piano and strings (perhaps a mellotron). Or change the arrangement entirely and make it more guitar/drums oriented. Just one man's opinion.

Hey Nick,
thanks very much for that - appreciate it.

To be honest, I really like the song. But it hasn't been grabbing the screeners, thats for sure. Most comments seem to be around the coherency of the lyrics and the imagery etc. I can see where they're coming from. I definitely want to pitch it to other artists and yeah, the piano is programmed - but I might have someone to do something organic so that would be nice to approach the libraries if all else fails.

Perhaps I pitched to the wrong listings as well - been thinking its more along the lines of country/ballad than a contemporary pop number - I think its future lies in a more country-ish style singer? Just me thinking out loud. But I know that market is massive in the States too.

I'll try P to P as well, many thanks

Best
Gar

Gareth you've hit gold with this one. I had a listen and the song sucked me in. It wouldn't be out of place on a film soundtrack! I hate describing things as 'cute' but that's what the song screams out to me. And as for not being forwarded, don't let that get in the way of what is a great song - it'll get there! You know what they say about good things and waiting.

For pitching I really think it's fine. I would not try to make it sound more country, pop or rock. It has a generic cross-over feel to it. Whoever you pitch it to will have the ability to hear "through" the arrangement and recognize the potential. If they don't have that ability they're in the wrong line of work

That said, if you want to turn it into a finished product that totally excites YOU and trips all of your triggers, then by all means do so. Just don't scrap this particular version.

wow - thanks very much guys. Really appreciate that. Perhaps I should keep pushing it as is for a while. With the amount of rejections we all get based on the odd lyric here and there etc, you do worry about the song having to be the full finished article, and not something that someone can see potential in, and change around etc. So the screener comments make me feel like I should rework it.

I did have a great a feeling about this track to be honest. Its good for the ego etc...but really, if you're like me, these things are just kinda 'beautiful accidents' that you almost can't claim, aren't they? Hopefully they'll keep coming...its that good 'ol fear that keeps me motivated much of the time

thanks

>>>Its good for the ego etc...but really, if you're like me, these things are just kinda 'beautiful accidents' that you almost can't claim

I totally feel the "almost can't claim" part. I posted lyrics for "Christopher Says" here a few weeks ago. Didn't really ask for any feedback. Just put it out there to see what bites I wrote it in 2011 but have not recorded it yet. I just can't get my head wrapped around an appropriate arrangement. Posted it here just to see if I can get re-excited about it. Those lyrics flowed out of me in about 15 minutes, after I read a really disturbing article about a kid. I have no problem saying those are excellent lyrics (and I've had some pretty accomplished song writers tell me so). The reason I can say so is because I almost don't think of them as mine. In 40 years of dabbling in writing, this kind of free-flow of lyrics has only happened 3 times. I watched a video on youtube recently where a lady explained it's more important to learn how to tap into our free-flowing subconscious than it is to take any kind of formal song writing class. I'm inclined to agree.

Yeah I have to agree there big time. Whether its lyrics or melody, especially more organic stuff, its rare I've been able to sit down and say "I'm going to write this song" etc... the old cliche - you can't force it.

moments of pure inspiration are wonderful. I (try to) make electronic music sometimes and I find it very easy to over formulate things and slip into something predictable when I'm adding layers on a formulaic beat etc. That said, electronic music is just as rich as others, and just as open to originality and experimentation. that's just a bad habit of mine.

If you have a link to that video I'll give it a look! Must investigate that whole side of things a bit more - its surely worth looking into

>>>If you have a link to that video I'll give it a look!

Here it is....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kLEd8q-NBM