TAXI.com

Hi

I've noticed that there are some great lyrics out there - where I feel that I'm right there.

How do they do that?? How do I do that??

eg want to say - she's so hot/sexy

lyrics are... 'as she walks by everyone says... aaah'.

It's right in the moment.

I hope that makes sense with my short/ quick example.

Regards
Rebecca

I've just been doing some more searching on the inter web….

I think I'm looking for knowledge about using metaphors and personification.
I'm trying to stay away from similes.

Regards
Rebecca

I think that's one of the joys of lyric writing, for me it's like a puzzle. I use google to brainstorm ideas and of course there's always the thesaurus.

It seems to me that you're talking about "show" not "tell"

look at her she's so sexy - gives us no image

'as she walks by everyone says... aaah'. - at least gives a perspective of what we're looking at

'I'm too sexy for my cat" - who knows what that means really but it's quirky and fun

Pat Pattison's book on lyric writing is an excellent resource, dunno if you've seen it:
http://www.amazon.ca/Writing-Better-Lyr ... 1582975779

The art of showing, not telling, truly is the key to great writing - and sadly exactly the thing most writers struggle to do! I guess we could try to imply together and see what happens It reminds me of the song "do you wanna be my girl". They did a great job showing the idea "she's so sexy"

Big black boots
long brown hair
she's so sweet with that 'get back!' stare
You don't need the money when you like that, do you honey?

Thanks girls.

Yes, I've been doing the googling for synonyms, adjectives etc
I went to one of Jason Blumes weekend lectures - his presenting is amazing - we covered ' show not tell' - I'm hoping to uncover some more on how to do this bit - yes.
No I have seen Pats book - I'll check it out.

Here's a really funny blog page from a writer on metaphors - hope you like it. If only English was this interesting at school…. but I think topic matter precluded…

http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2012/08 ... -metaphor/
and another….
http://www.write.com/writing-guides/gen ... nd-idioms/

I will keep researching.
I have a scene, and a moment …. now to try to explain… make you be there.

Right then…. time for dinner… meat & 3 veg - and by that, I'm implying hot dogs with lots of tomato ketchup is on the menu. tee hee

The girls are truly right, implying something - or let others make the conclusions without telling them - is certainly about writing to show..

Here's an illuminating article by Chuck Palahniuk https://litreactor.com/essays/chuck-pal ... 0%9D-verbs

It takes a while to learn this, so write a lot (every day), and keep up the spirit. It's definitely something you can learn to do, if you stay with it.

It is also just one writing technique among many others. The Pat Pattison reference is also really good. You can take a free class with him at Coursera https://www.coursera.org/course/songwriting

I was thinking about this post hence I am back lol.

"she's so sexy" - to me the way to deal with this is to start by brainstorming all the things that make her sexy to the singer...

but, there's nothing wrong with "she's so sexy" if the lyric around that statement actually tells us how or why this conclusion is reached. And imo it's all about imagery... describing the 'scene' as though it's in a movie so we can 'see' it.

like (just off the top of my head)

she's so sexy
cookin breakfast with her hair hangin down

or (brainstorming imagery)

she's so sexy
drivin that bright green
Hennessey Venom GT
got her bright red toes hard on the pedal
I'll never catch her in my mini Winnebago
why'd she have to be
so sexy


cheers
H

Thats a great verse, Hum! Now, rewrite it for film/tv, following Robin Fredericks advice on making it universal
http://www.taxi.com/transmitter/1107/un ... yrics.html

Yup, "Show us, don't tell us" rules. It's not easy!!

I always thought Carly Simon's "That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be" was a masterpiece in this area, ESPECIALLY verse 1:

My father sits at night with no lights on
His cigarette glows in the dark
The living room is still
I walk by, no remark
I tiptoe past the master bedroom where
My mother reads her magazines
I hear her call sweet dreams
But I forgot how to dream

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/carlysim ... uldbe.html

The way she "shows" us her parent's life is songwriting nirvana.

Casey

Thanks guys.

I went to the Chuck Palahniuk site - and I really liked the webpage you referred me to.
I surfed within the site & really like the 'Seven Songs, Seven Literary Devices'. - I think I'm looking for that type of information.

(…. I hated english at school, it was my worst subject - (I'm back to school! )… and music was my best subject!).

This is what I've come up with so far….

Sultry is the air, and
silent evening sky
Pulse of bossa guitar
Tap of piano string
It's tune a melodic delight.


Looking at this now, I can see a problem with the it's - because I haven't discussed the 'It's' prior to elaborating on what the 'it's' is.
I've aimed to set a scene to let people can imagine being there.

Rebecca