Hey Rebecca,
I'm not a Bossa Nova aficionado, or very knowledgeable about the genre, but at first glance, it seems to me your lyric could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme. And even though this is a niche, I would still recommend making the lyric more conversational.
Also below are the lyrics to Wave. In the original Portuguese (which I don't speak), you can see the rhyme scheme. Verses: xAxAxx; AAxAxx; xAxABxBx; Bridge: ABAB (I'm guessing that vez and cais are family rhymes in Portuguese, but I don't really know). The rhyme scheme disappears in translation, but IMHO, the original was the way it was intended to be heard. (How the lyrics come across in English depends on the translation. Compare the two versions of "Girl from Impanema" below.)
Wave (Portuguese)
Vou te contar
Os olhos já não podem ver
Coisas que só o coração
Pode entender
Fundamental é mesmo o amor
É impossível ser feliz sozinho...
O resto é mar
É tudo que eu não sei contar
São coisas lindas
Que eu tenho prá te dar
Fundamental é mesmo o amor
É impossível ser feliz sozinho...
Da primeira vez
Era a cidade
Da segunda o cais
E a eternidade...
Agora eu já sei
Da onda que se ergueu no mar
E das estrelas
Que esquecemos de contar
O amor se deixa surpreender
Enquanto a noite
Vem nos envolver...
Submitted by gsbenke on Fri, 06/04/2012 - 11:21
Last edited by barsiscev on Fri, 12/07/2013 - 08:23
Wave (English)
Let me tell you
Eyes cannot see anymore
Things that only our heart
Can understand
What matters is love
It's impossible to be happy alone...
The rest is the sea
Is all I don't know how to say
There are gorgeous things
I want to give to you
What matter is love
It's impossible to be happy alone...
The first time
It was the city
The second one it was the wharf
And the eternity...
And now I know
About that wave that rose in the sea
And about the stars
That we forget to count
Love lets itself to be surprised
While the night
Comes to wrap us around
Submitted by gsbenke on Fri, 06/04/2012 - 11:31
Taken from
http://lyricstranslate.com/en/wave-wave ... z3hEkAagGX
Take a look at what is arguably the most popular - and certainly best known - Bossa song, The Girl from Impanema. The first translation, probably more exact, has less rhyme than the version at the bottom.
Garota de Ipanema (Portuguese)
Olha que coisa mais linda
Mais cheia de graça
É ela menina
Que vem e que passa
Seu doce balanço, a caminho do mar
Moça do corpo dourado
Do sol de Ipanema
O seu balançado é mais que um poema
É a coisa mais linda que eu já vi passar
Ah, porque estou tão sozinho
Ah, porque tudo é tão triste
Ah, a beleza que existe
A beleza que não é só minha
Que também passa sozinha
Ah, se ela soubesse
Que quando ela passa
O mundo inteirinho se enche de graça
E fica mais lindo
Por causa do amor
Submitted by nyuu on Fri, 19/11/2010 - 12:52
Last edited by lt on Fri, 16/01/2015 - 12:19
Copyright: Writer(s): Vinicius de Moraes, Antonio Carlos Jobim
Copyright: Duchess Music Corp.
The Girl from Ipanema (English)
Look, what a beautiful thing
So graceful
She is the girl
That comes and goes by
In her sweet swing heading to the sea
Girl of the golden brown tan
From the Ipanema sun
Her swing is more than a poem
She is the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen going by
Ah, why am I so alone?
Ah, why is everything so sad?
Ah, the beauty that exists
The beauty that is not only mine
That also goes by alone
Ah, if she knew
That when she goes by
The whole world fills with joy
And it becomes more beautiful
Because of love
Taken from
http://lyricstranslate.com/en/garota-de ... z3hEtbaEfe
Vs this version (from MetroLyrics)
Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from Ipanema goes walking and
When she passes, each one she passes goes
When she walks, she's like a samba
That swings so cool and sways so gentle that
When she passes, each one she passes goes
But I watch her so sadly
How can I tell her, "I love you?"
Yes, I would give my heart gladly
But each day, when she walks to the sea
She looks straight ahead, not at me
Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from Ipanema goes walking and
When she passes, I smile but she doesn't see, doesn't see
Olha que coisa mais linda mais cheia de graça
ela menina que vem e que passa
Num doce balanço a caminho do mar
Moça do corpo dourado do sol de ipanema
O seu balançado mais que um poema
a coisa mais linda que eu j vi passar..
But I watch her so sadly
Porque tudo to triste
Yes, I would give my heart gladly
But each day, when she walks to the sea
She looks straight ahead, not at me
Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from ipanema goes walking
And when she passes, I smile but she doesn't see
Por causa do amor
She just doesn't see
Nem olha para mim
She never sees me
Por causa do amor
SONGWRITERS
PIERSON, KATE/SCHNEIDER, FRED/STRICKLAND, KEITH
My suggestion would be to deconstruct some of your favorite Bossa Nova songs. Take a look at the lyrics in the original language and look for the rhyme patterns, and try to write more conversationally with a consistent rhyme scheme.
Good luck!