TAXI.com

First time of posting ... I'd really like to have an opinion (or ten) on this song. I have made a demo which needs a re-mix but I've lost the component tracks due to a PC meltdown (don't forget to 'save' and 'save' and 'save' again!). Advice on whether to put in the hours on a start from scratch scenario to re-record would greatly appreciated? I hear a sort of 'Jimmy Buffett' feel to the thing. Thank you for your time.

Friendliness is Free

I've got to be honest and say with my hand on my heart
that whatever I try it just seems to keep falling apart
she's finding it hard to forgive
I know I'm a man who has sinned
she says I've been sailing a little too close to the wind

CHORUS
set me adrift in the indian ocean or in the mediterranean sea
the wind in my hair the sun on my face and friendliness is free
let me loose on the caribbean or on the blue aegean sea
it's the perfect time a wonderful place
and it's the last you'll see of me

I'm out of my head dreaming of maybes and mights
too many side streets too many bar-room nights
she says that my chances are slim
I've been playing a game I can't win
I guess I've been showing too many sheets to the wind

CHORUS 2
push me out in the indian ocean or in the mediterranean sea
the wind in my hair the sun on my face and friendliness is free
throw me a line in the caribbean or down the south pacific way
it's the perfect time a wonderful place
and that's where I'm gonna stay
(stay with me)

GUITAR SOLO

this nuclear winter will bring a young man to his knees
gripped by inertia caught in its ice cold freeze
she says that the future looks thin
but I believe it's a time to begin
I'll be setting my sails into the teeth of the wind

CHORUS 3
sailing away in the indian ocean or in the mediterranean sea
the wind in my hair the sun on my face that’s where I’m bound to be
drop me off in the caribbean or in the blue aegean sea
it's the perfect time a wonderful place
and friendliness is free

Regards and thanks again

alanogue

PS The ISWC No. for this is T-011.599.157-5. You can listen to the early mix here: https://soundcloud.com/musiccues

I've got to be honest and say with my hand on my heart
GOT TO BE HONEST WITH HAND ON HEART

that whatever I try it just seems to keep falling apart
EVERYTHING I DO JUST FALLS APART

she's finding it hard to forgive
SHES FINDING IT HARD TO FORGIVE ME

I know I'm a man who has sinned
THE MAN WHO SINNED

she says I've been sailing a little too close to the wind
SHE SAYS I'VE SAILED TOO CLOSE TO THE WIND

that whatever I try it just seems to keep falling apart
WHATEVER I TRY, IT JUST FALLS APART

inga wrote:that whatever I try it just seems to keep falling apart
WHATEVER I TRY, IT JUST FALLS APART

Thanks for your ideas Inga though we seem to have lost the scanning somewhere along the line ... I need that intact to fit to the melodies I've written. Take a listen, if you have time.
And thanks again.

alanogue

Just playing with words. Less is more.

Hmm for me these lines

set me adrift in the indian ocean or in the mediterranean sea
the wind in my hair the sun on my face and friendliness is free
let me loose on the caribbean or on the blue aegean

Are just a bit too abstract. Would love to hear something more concrete. Honestly I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say. Is she kicking you out? Or is she being evasive? I would kinda rather just hear that she's ducking you. Is she out of your life. I don't know to me I find it hard sometimes to get the theme across with too many metaphors. Maybe try saying what you're trying to say in simple non metaphoric words. Then put those to songs maybe consider not even using metaphors there. Unless you feel it's working to convey your theme.

adessell wrote:Hmm for me these lines

set me adrift in the indian ocean or in the mediterranean sea
the wind in my hair the sun on my face and friendliness is free
let me loose on the caribbean or on the blue aegean

Are just a bit too abstract. Would love to hear something more concrete. Honestly I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say. Is she kicking you out? Or is she being evasive? I would kinda rather just hear that she's ducking you. Is she out of your life. I don't know to me I find it hard sometimes to get the theme across with too many metaphors. Maybe try saying what you're trying to say in simple non metaphoric words. Then put those to songs maybe consider not even using metaphors there. Unless you feel it's working to convey your theme.

Hi adessell ... thanks for your interesting ideas (and your time)

yes I figure it like this: he has not been up to speed either in his life or his relationship with her; she naturally is not happy with this and keeps reminding him he's a bit of a loser; but for reasons we don't know she is hesitant about doing anything about it; he dismayed by but responding to this continuous criticism decides he's going to do something about it himself and asks, metaphorically and not by her, to be cast out on to the ocean of possibilities where he can start again, face the challenges and where he will find friendliness free of any pre-judgement.

I take your point about being more direct and saying what I mean; I just sort of liked the idea of the open sea, wind in your face, warmth of the sun, a cleansing journey into the unkown, a new opportunity.

Thanks again.

alanogue