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Anybody care to give me your thoughts about these lyrics? Anything trip you up or cause you to have to read it twice?
Chorus right now is instrumental/vocal oo's - no lyrics.

Left to Chance

If gravity let go of me where would I be
Thrown into forever but never free
Can I count on you to grab my hand
or will I be left to chance?

Sometimes the games we play walk a fine line
Is the next move yours or mine
Can I count on you to show what's in your hand
or will we be left to chance?

What if you'd made a right when I went left
Would we have never met
I will count on us and make my bet
We are not left to chance

Let's roll the dice again and see what may
Maybe today's our day
I will count on us I've placed my bet
We are not left to chance

Hi - my review 'technique' would be to offer possible replacement words, where something seems fuzzy/unclear (with an explanation) to consider; just my 2 cents worth:

Verse)
If gravity let go of me where would I be
Thrown into space but never set free (hard to connect loss of gravity & "forever")
Can I count on you to grab my hand
Refrain)
or will I be... left to chance? (if you're planning to repeat this, even melodically)

Verse)
Sometimes the games we play walk a fine line
Is the next move yours or mine
Can I count on you to include me in your plan (avoid repeating use of same word - hand)

Refrain)
or will we be... left to chance?

Bridge)
What if you'd made a right when I went left (change the melody here - make this your "middle 8"?)
Where would we be, to never have never met (filling out, or completing the thought)

Refrain (removed that entire 3rd line/phrase - to be more concise)
I'm so glad... we are not left to chance (begin to bring in the hope & resolve - to flip it)

Ending/Verse)
Let's roll the dice again and see what can be (ditto)
Maybe today's our day - you and me
I will count on us I've placed my bet

Refrain)
Let us not just... be left to chance (empower yourself/yourselves/us)

Tag)
Let us be one - and not... left to chance (too corny?!)

Okay... sorry... feeling like the Song Surgeon here... more than 2 pennies...
Take or leave it... to chance!!

Hi Cheryl...

here's another crazy idea... what if you changed up the order? like this:

Verse 1)
Could I count on you to grab my hand (get the "you" included in your first line)
If gravity let go of me?
Where would I be... thrown into space?!
But never to be set free (hard to connect loss of gravity & "forever")

Refrain)
or will it all be... left to chance? (if you're planning to repeat this, even melodically)

@funsongs Your method of reviewing and contributing is great! I WANT lots of input. Thanks for your thoughts.

CherylMitchell wrote: ↑

Thu Aug 08, 2019 12:35 pm

@funsongs Your method of reviewing and contributing is great! I WANT lots of input. Thanks for your thoughts.

Well, okay - cool. Was a little concerned it might seem heavy-handed.
Whatever helps, helps... toss the rest.
Now that you've caught my interest, I'm looking forward to see how you develop your song.
Cheers.

Nice feedback on the lyrics!