TAXI.com

This is my first time posting on TAXI.

>>>====> NOTE: I completed a bunch more enhancements based on the great input you folks are giving me.
I'm always looking for constructive criticisms, you won't hurt my feelings.
I update the "REVISION xxxxxx" so you can see if it has changed since the last time you looked.
I know it is too long, but that will be the last thing I change after implementing other suggestions that I may get. <====<<<
Please provide me with some feedback on these lyrics.

Thank You,
Jerry Taylor

"Party Time Once Again" is a true story of a man who meets his true love. Then his country sends him across the sea while in the ARMY. When he returns, he finds his true love has found another flame and he starts drinking and partying, trying to forget his true love, but no matter how much partying he does, he can't forget.

Title: "Party Time Once Again"
Genre: Folk Country Blues Balad
Three chords and the truth = Chords E F# B
Lyrics by: Jerry Taylor (2022)
I can't play, I can't sing so the SoundCloud link is just to a very rough "EXAMPLE" of how the Lyrics could be used if someone who can actually sing and play would use the lyrics.
The link to SoundCloud is here:

NOTE: jlt aka Chucky Chopper

https://soundcloud.com/user-698453702/p ... once-again


FOURTH REVISION:

Well it's party time, party time once again
I've been to so many I don't even know where I am
I must party time to forget my only true love
She's the sweetest girl from heaven up above

My country sent me way 'cross the pond
For many months, many months I wasn't around
And when I returned life just wasn't the same
My only true love found herself a new flame

You see she left me when I was away
And I'll regret it, I'll regret it till my dying day
So I try to forget her by having party time
So please fill my glass up one more time

>>>Oh how can I make this loneliness end
>>> Yea I'll never be with her, I'll never be with her again

(>>>====> BRIDGE BEGIN <====<<<) B F# E
I used to enjoy all of her charms
Now she's giving them in another man's arms
did everything I could do to make her stay
I never thought I'd see this dismal day
(>>>====> BRIDGE END <====<<<)

She was the sweetest girl before I left
Yea the one that I never wanted to forget
if you see tears, if you see tears please don't ask
And if you see my glass is empty, just fill it up fast

>>>Oh how can I make this loneliness end
>>>Yea I'll never be with her, I'll never be with her again

I do know that I miss her now and then
But I really miss her a lot more now than then
Yea I miss her, I miss her more now than then
So my friends let's really party time again

So it's party time, party time once again
Since my love told me, she told me it's the end
So my friends let's party time, once again
And I don't even care, I don't even care where I am

Oh how can I make this loneliness end
Yea I'll never be with her, I'll never be with her again
Oh how can I make this loneliness ever end
Just knowing I'll never be with her again




---

WAV file of "Party Time Once Again"

NOTE: jlt aka Chucky Chopper

https://soundcloud.com/user-698453702/p ... once-again

Welcome Jerry! It's a good idea to let us know where you are thinking of pitching this. To an artist or to film/tv?

For myself I understand the sentiment of the song very well, but I would like to hear more of the story. If it's party time once again, why is that? Who is it you miss, what was so great about her? What is it you miss the most? Why did she leave? If it was your fault, do you regret it?

Hope that helps
H

Wow! I love those ideas and am immediately adding a few more verses from my real-life experiences into the song lyrics and they seem to fit nicely. I'll wait a few hours (days) to see if I get any more input that I might have to update as well.

Hi, Jerry.
If you're writing poetry for printed used - the length of it is not such an issue.
If you are going to be writing lyrics aimed at being compatible for a singer & song,
then being observant and mindful of STRUCTURE might be a good place for you to start.

The trick is to tell your story with as few words as possible - sort of - beginning with some very conventional outlines.
FOR EXAMPLE:
Verse 1/Chorus/Verse 2/Chorus/Bridge/Chorus... or
Verse 1/Pre-Chorus/Chorus/Verse 2/Pre-Chorus/Chorus/Bridge/Chorus.

A song for radio might be aimed at a length of anywhere between 2-1/2 to 4 minutes... 3 minutes being a good 'average' target, IMHO.

So: if your real-life experiences are being put into song format, rather than write a 10 or 12-minute piece...
cut up your stories into 'bite-size', focused pieces: with your title & chorus working together.

Hope that helps.
Cheers,
Peter

hummingbird wrote: ↑

Fri Mar 04, 2022 2:44 pm

Welcome Jerry! It's a good idea to let us know where you are thinking of pitching this. To an artist or to film/tv?

For myself I understand the sentiment of the song very well, but I would like to hear more of the story. If it's party time once again, why is that? Who is it you miss, what was so great about her? What is it you miss the most? Why did she leave? If it was your fault, do you regret it?

Hope that helps
H

"I put more of the story in the lyrics. I know it is a tad long, but making it smaller will be the last thing I do after I get all these other good comments in place. Thanks.

funsongs wrote: ↑

Sat Mar 05, 2022 12:56 pm

Hi, Jerry.
If you're writing poetry for printed used - the length of it is not such an issue.
If you are going to be writing lyrics aimed at being compatible for a singer & song,
then being observant and mindful of STRUCTURE might be a good place for you to start.

The trick is to tell your story with as few words as possible - sort of - beginning with some very conventional outlines.
FOR EXAMPLE:
Verse 1/Chorus/Verse 2/Chorus/Bridge/Chorus... or
Verse 1/Pre-Chorus/Chorus/Verse 2/Pre-Chorus/Chorus/Bridge/Chorus.

A song for radio might be aimed at a length of anywhere between 2-1/2 to 4 minutes... 3 minutes being a good 'average' target, IMHO.

So: if your real-life experiences are being put into song format, rather than write a 10 or 12-minute piece...
cut up your stories into 'bite-size', focused pieces: with your title & chorus working together.

Hope that helps.
Cheers,
Peter

"I had to read up and see examples of "bridges" then I added a few. I loaded up the revised Lyrics and uploaded the updated song "EXAMPLE" into SoundCloud as well. It is a little long now but the "cuts" could be the last thing after I get more ideas from the reviewers." Thanks for you input.

Forgive me, I picked out the lines that seemed to resonate with me, and this is what I felt the story was about. Keep or sweep, just suggestions. I recommend having a look at Robin Frederick's books and courses. I am quite sure you have a hundred stories or more to tell, understanding song form will help you to zero on the details. If you want to write commercially, you have to find a way to tell your story so that it feels to the listener as though you are telling their story. - cheers, H

My country sent me way 'cross the pond
For many many months, I wasn't around
And when I returned life was not the same
My only love found herself a new flame

How (do I) make this loneliness end
I'll never be with her again


I used to enjoy all of her charms
Now she's giving them in another man's arms
I never thought I'd see this dismal day
(Did ev'ry thing) I could do to make her stay

How (do I) make this loneliness end
I'll never be with her again


(Oh she was) the sweetest girl (before I left home)
(the one I never wanted to) forget
if you see tears, if you see tears don't ask
(if you see) my glass is empty, fill it up fast

(Gotta) make this loneliness end
I'll never be with her again

hummingbird wrote: ↑

Sun Mar 06, 2022 12:25 am

Forgive me, I picked out the lines that seemed to resonate with me, and this is what I felt the story was about. Keep or sweep, just suggestions. I recommend having a look at Robin Frederick's books and courses. I am quite sure you have a hundred stories or more to tell, understanding song form will help you to zero on the details. If you want to write commercially, you have to find a way to tell your story so that it feels to the listener as though you are telling their story. - cheers, H

My country sent me way 'cross the pond
For many many months, I wasn't around
And when I returned life was not the same
My only love found herself a new flame

How (do I) make this loneliness end
I'll never be with her again


I used to enjoy all of her charms
Now she's giving them in another man's arms
I never thought I'd see this dismal day
(Did ev'ry thing) I could do to make her stay

How (do I) make this loneliness end
I'll never be with her again


(Oh she was) the sweetest girl (before I left home)
(the one I never wanted to) forget
if you see tears, if you see tears don't ask
(if you see) my glass is empty, fill it up fast

(Gotta) make this loneliness end
I'll never be with her again

Thanks for the great comments. I didn't get into Frederick's books and courses but because of your suggestion, I did start with "Songwriting for dummies" that I picked up after your suggestion.
What I find interesting with writing lyrics, is when I try to actually use them, I tend to make changes based on how I happen to feel on a particular day or time? It gets weird in that I will change something and then change it back like it was multiple times depending on how I feel at the time I am using them. Is this NORMAL? If it is, someone should write a song about it! (joking, I think?)