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Hey guys,

I am new to TAXI and basically learning the ropes. I'd love your opinion on the lyrics below. Please tell me what you think. Here's the unmixed arrangement of the song in case anyone is interested in the sound.
https://amayzlin.com/track/3913172/the-new-beginnings

Thank you,
Alex

-------------------------------

​The New Beginnings

1st Verse:
At the sandy narrow road,
Road that barely fits a rabbit,
Meet the winter and the summer
One hates heat, the other - cold

"I'm the first to take this route" -
Very proudly said the winter,
"Out of my way! I won't be hindered" -
Cried the summer with a frown

Chorus:
Our Sun is shining
Our planet's spinning
Each year our seasons
See the new beginnings

2nd Verse:
So, the seasons have decided
To conduct an exhibition
Each will make a list consisting
Of the things kids find exciting

And the one whose list is longer
Saddles first the narrow road
Armed with lists each season spoke
Charging hard to crush and conquer

Chorus:
"Kids go skating in the winter
Build a snowman, hit the slopes
Christmas spirit, brand new hopes
Resolutions for New Year"

"Summer's all about vacation
Clear blue pools and sunny beaches,
Students part with their teachers
To embark on new adventures"

Bridge:
Our seasons, realizing
That they both bring people pleasure,
Held their hands and then together
Marched their way into horizon

Chorus:
Our Sun is shining
Our planet's spinning
Each year our seasons
See the new beginnings

Greetings, Alex.
Your post prompts a few questions;
1) Is this a song for adults, ABOUT children - or a song to be sung BY children?
2) target age-appropriate?
3) intentional LACK of rhyming?

And 'opinion' observations (from a grandpa/old-guy)
1) songs to be sung BY young children seem to be VERY SIMPLE, and easy to learn and repeat.
2) children's books tend to be illustration-associated with the words (lyrics, in this case).

Conclusion:
These lyrics strike me as WAY TOO sophisticated for children; even for many adults.

From The Peanut Gallery - good luck.
Your Mileage May Vary.

PS: the track & production sound good - but doesn't sound at all "Country".
Hope that helps,
Peter.

Hi Peter,

Thank you very much for your response.

1) Completely agree on the sophistication of the lyrics, bummer
2) What genre does this sound like?

Best,
Alex

amayzlin wrote: ↑

Thu Aug 08, 2024 1:09 pm

Hi Peter,

Thank you very much for your response.

1) Completely agree on the sophistication of the lyrics, bummer
2) What genre does this sound like?

Best,
Alex

TBH - difficult for me to peg the genre. It's good that it's upbeat and fun...
if I had to guess where to place it, perhaps light, contemporary Pop...?
I don't really know.
If you were to trim it way down and simplify it to one Verse, and one very repeating/rhyming Chorus that gets repeated...
you might be able to salvage the idea.

Good luck.

How'bout something 'child-like'...: (and make it 1st person) kids like to sing about themselves...

Verse)
In the new morning when the sun is shining
I feel so happy I feel like spinning
Outside is laughter with no one crying
It feels like Summer is just beginning

Chorus)
So let's go play... and play all day
With all my friends - until the sun goes down
Let's run around and around - 'tilI I hear Mom say:
"Okay, kids: it's time to come home!"

Maybe add a whole verse of just "LA-LA LA-LA" vocalese over your melody before coming back to the Chorus.

Just an idea - though it's a pretty radical change from your original lyrics idea.

funsongs wrote: ↑

Thu Aug 08, 2024 2:48 pm

amayzlin wrote: ↑

Thu Aug 08, 2024 1:09 pm

Hi Peter,

Thank you very much for your response.

1) Completely agree on the sophistication of the lyrics, bummer
2) What genre does this sound like?

Best,
Alex

TBH - difficult for me to peg the genre. It's good that it's upbeat and fun...
if I had to guess where to place it, perhaps light, contemporary Pop...?
I don't really know.
If you were to trim it way down and simplify it to one Verse, and one very repeating/rhyming Chorus that gets repeated...
you might be able to salvage the idea.

Good luck.

Why am I thinking country or bluegrass? I don’t know

funsongs wrote: ↑

Thu Aug 08, 2024 3:15 pm

How'bout something 'child-like'...: (and make it 1st person) kids like to sing about themselves...

Verse)
In the new morning when the sun is shining
I feel so happy I feel like spinning
Outside is laughter with no one crying
It feels like Summer is just beginning

Chorus)
So let's go play... and play all day
With all my friends - until the sun goes down
Let's run around and around - 'tilI I hear Mom say:
"Okay, kids: it's time to come home!"

Maybe add a whole verse of just "LA-LA LA-LA" vocalese over your melody before coming back to the Chorus.

Just an idea - though it's a pretty radical change from your original lyrics idea.

Peter, thanks for this!

Best,
Alex

amayzlin wrote: ↑

Thu Aug 08, 2024 3:44 pm

Why am I thinking country or bluegrass? I don’t know

Well - funny you should ask - at our last Irish Trad Seisiún with a large and diverse group of players,
it came up how at Disneyland's Adventure Land attractions - like Storybook rides for little kids...
the music that is coming out of everywhere is Irish (acoustic instruments) traditional pub/dance tunes.

So - taking a clue from Disney - THAT kind of music apparently fits well with children's playful music.

Your mileage may vary... but the laughter and good times will likely remain!

Hey Alex
Peter (funsongs) already gave you a lot of feedback. It's not country and for children's music, the lyrics would have to be much simpler.

Additionally, I think it's too fast and should be slowed down. However, there is a much bigger problem. The melody sounds too much like "This Land Is Your Land", which appears to still be under copyright (not public domain).

Sorry for the bad news.

Best,
Casey

Casey H wrote: ↑

Thu Aug 08, 2024 7:10 pm

Hey Alex
Peter (funsongs) already gave you a lot of feedback. It's not country and for children's music, the lyrics would have to be much simpler.

Additionally, I think it's too fast and should be slowed down. However, there is a much bigger problem. The melody sounds too much like "This Land Is Your Land", which appears to still be under copyright (not public domain).

Sorry for the bad news.

Best,
Casey

WOW! Unbelievable... Thanks so much, Casey!

Best,
Alex