TAXI.com

Here is one of the songs I put together. Any comments you have would be greatly appreciated!Too Good For YouWritten by: Jill E. Parsons © Jill E. Parsons, 2009 There was a time when you had my heartI was sixteen and life seemed hardYou were everything I hoped a man to beBut you were too good for me. So I did what any girl would doI tried to forget about youI picked up the pieces of my broken heart Cause you were too good for me. And now here we are, we're all grown upI "got pretty" you say to meso now I guess I'm good enough to date, but I just can't relate cause Honey, you're a little too late. Chorus:If you didn't want me back thenThen I'm too good for you nowYou didn't want me back thenHow do you feel now Now that you're crawling back to meHoping for a chance to beTogether, well I'm sorry but...I'm too good for you now. You were the only one I hoped forYou were my breath, I needed moreto keep my blue heart beating, oh but nowNo, I don't need you now. I want a man that loves me for meAnd not a boy that refuses to see That who I was then is who I am todayThe tables have turned and Baby, I guess I got my way. Chorus:If you didn't want me back thenThen I'm too good for you nowYou didn't want me back thenHow do you feel now Now that you're crawling back to meHoping for a chance to beTogether, well I'm sorry but...I'm too good for you now. I hope you sleep tonightAnd dream of meI just can't help but smileCause I've been waiting for a while to say.... Chorus:If you didn't want me back thenThen I'm too good for you nowYou didn't want me back thenHow do you feel now Now that you're crawling back to meHoping for a chance to beTogether, well I'm sorry but...I'm too good for you now. If you didn't want me back thenThen I'm too good for you now.

Hi Jill... I'm going to assume that you want feedback in terms of commercial viability, and the first thing I'm going to comment on is structure. Three verses (stanzas) before the chorus is too many, and the whole lyric looks too long for conventional song form. You have to find a way to boil 12 lines into 4 or 5. Another thing looked for in songwriting is contrast between sections. Your verse stanzas (which would be set to the same melody) are 4 lines long, and so is the chorus. In terms of story, I think you have a good idea, but it all needs to be edited down. We need to see the characters and relationship more clearly. I'm a fan of using imagery to convey emotion. Try to find new ways of saying things that are often said in song, like - 'I picked up the pieces of my broken heart'I think a good way to write a story is to think of it as a video, and then describe the action to us. I'd also suggest writing it in third person just to give yourself another perspective.I like the attitude in the lyrics - you turned me down once, don't think of coming back to me now - just think you need to work a little on the structure of the story.Feel free to keep or sweep, this is only one person's opinion. Whatever you do, keep writing!HTHHummin'bird

Jill, I like the idea of your lyrics and I think you have made a good story. At the same time, The only current genre I can think of that might allow length is humorous singer/songwriter.I have to agree with Hummingbird that your song is too long for any market you are probably considering. I would ditto all of her suggestions. Do you have any books that help with structure guidelines? This is your song so take whatever we've said and use or discard any of it. Good luck -- Bette

Thank you both for your comments! I am new to writing lyrics but have be writing poetry for quite a while.