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http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtra ... akerAmadeo Gauthier/ John WestwoodBitter sweet in her eyesBlinded by her smilesI taste the truth from her lipsAnd catch the lies from her when she slips-You're a heart breaker babe!Its all in the way she speaksHer smile is like a special treatand When she says she is only mineI catch myself. Again this time?-Ah babe! You're a heart breaker honey!Hah!Aint nothing like it seemsAll illusions and broken dreamsOpportunities wasted, Bitter fruit tasted-Not a day goes by I don't try to get it together again now,She's deeply superficial and works hard at her playher truth is artificial in an endearing kind of wayShe takes more than she gives a rule of no returnsHer icy glare can dim the sun, and well her coldness really burnsBut you me on, Turn me babe!Heart break,You're a heartbreak honey!Mmmm...

Hi Carr, Just want to say you have written wonderful lyric here. At the same time (this is from my point view) I just think that in this section of your lyric that I've copy and paste below, you have too many words in there. Other that I enjoy the story. Other may have their're say.Aint nothing like it seemsAll illusions and broken dreamsOpportunities wasted, Bitter fruit tasted-Not a day goes by I don't try to get it together again now,She's deeply superficial and works hard at her playher truth is artificial in an endearing kind of wayShe takes more than she gives a rule of no returnsHer icy glare can dim the sun, and well her coldness really burnsBut you me on, Turn me babe! stay wellIrwin

Quote:Hi Carr, Just want to say you have written wonderful lyric here. At the same time (this is from my point view) I just think that in this section of your lyric that I've copy and paste below, you have too many words in there. Other that I enjoy the story. Other may have their're say.Aint nothing like it seemsAll illusions and broken dreamsOpportunities wasted, Bitter fruit tasted-Not a day goes by I don't try to get it together again now,She's deeply superficial and works hard at her playher truth is artificial in an endearing kind of wayShe takes more than she gives a rule of no returnsHer icy glare can dim the sun, and well her coldness really burnsBut you me on, Turn me babe! stay wellIrwin Amadeo seemed to handle the line length ok . did you listen to it or just read ?J

Hi Car, I did not listen.I just read your lyrics,But I will have a listen later.Stay wellIrwin

I would clarify the point-of-view. You're weave in and out from talking ABOUT "her" to talking TO her. This is a songwriting no-no, from what I've studied. (Read "The Craft of Lyric Writing" by Sheila Davis...great book!) It makes it confusing to the listener. Also, IMO, the "not a day goes by that I don't try to get it together" doesn't really fit with the first part of that verse. However, I love the way you said her "coldness really burns." Great line!

Carr,the link to your song is not working.

Quote:Carr,the link to your song is not working.http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtra ... ckid=63078

Quote:I would clarify the point-of-view. You're weave in and out from talking ABOUT "her" to talking TO her. This is a songwriting no-no, from what I've studied. (Read "The Craft of Lyric Writing" by Sheila Davis...great book!) It makes it confusing to the listener. Also, IMO, the "not a day goes by that I don't try to get it together" doesn't really fit with the first part of that verse. However, I love the way you said her "coldness really burns." Great line! I originally thought that too and redid it but on reflection left it as Amadeo arranged it . Its a rhetorical statement not an conversational one. Its more obvious in the sound track

Quote:I would clarify the point-of-view. You're weave in and out from talking ABOUT "her" to talking TO her. This is a songwriting no-no, from what I've studied. (Read "The Craft of Lyric Writing" by Sheila Davis...great book!) It makes it confusing to the listener. Also, IMO, the "not a day goes by that I don't try to get it together" doesn't really fit with the first part of that verse. However, I love the way you said her "coldness really burns." Great line!There are a few oxymorons in thereJ

Its all about the lies she weaves, the permanence as she leaves.not a day goes by as I try to get it together nowJ