TAXI.com

This song (with music) was my one and only submission 3 years ago. Figured I'd put it up here for review. Don't have music available yet due to tech cluelessnes (a condition for which I hear there is a reliable cure- learn something new!) It's a country ballad. HEAVEN KNOWSVerseSeems I'm havin' deja vuWith heartache once againI'd like to make some new mistakesAnd outrun this old painBeen here once or twice beforeHome, my job, my world gone madI'm tryin' to do ten things at onceOne of those is be a dadPre ChorusAnd it's hard to read the signsIn the storm of all this changeDo I run for shelterOr go singin' in the rain?ChorusSometimes heaven knowsSometimes heaven glowsShines a light to showThe blind which way to goHeaven understandsPain inside a manTakes him by the handAnd down so many roadsBut when it takes him homeOnly heaven knowsVerseWouldn't it be easierIf life were more the sameWeek to week, year to yearEven day to daySometimes we got to pick up the paceOthers slow it downGive our sweat and tears to win this gameWhen the rules change, we come crashing downChorusBridgePaths of gloryPaths of stoneI never walk this road aloneSo shine on meI need a friendLight my way until the endChorusThose long lines in V2 look clunky, I know. They're a musical build up to the Chorus. Speaking of music, gotta learn how to do this MP3 thing soon!Any feedback is most welcome and appreciated. Thanks!Arthur

I see not everyone's lyrics are gettin' reviewed, so I'm not takin' it as negative yet that this hasn't captured anyone's attention. Figured I'd get it closer to to the top of the page before it falls off. Anyone wanna give it a go?

Hi Arthur,Since this does have music already, it'd be great to hear the music too - would help to give overall feedback.I like the concept of the song. The lyric I keep "re-reading" is: "Paths of glory, Paths of stone, I never walk this road alone" - obviously songs are very very subjective but I am trying to make sense of this in the context of the lyrics. To me it sounds like you are going to compare 2 different "paths" to take ie: "glory" or the opposite despair/sadness etc.... but it turns a bit concrete - excuse the pun. I like the 2nd part of the bridge....you're saying you need a friend (ie: Heaven as I understand it) but before that you say "I never walk this road alone" - it would make a lot more sense to me (again personal opinion) if you said "I'll never walk this road alone.....So shine on me etc" - you sound like you are already on this road with someone - if so - who? I think verse 2 would benefit from being more descriptive. In verse 1, there is more of a story developing - eg, you're a Dad facing lots of challenges - it becomes slightly more vague later on - what "rules" change? I know songs mean different things to different people but maybe if there were a few more details, it could help me relate to the song more.Hope you get to put the music up soon . As always....above is just one opinion. Good luck!All the best,Rachel

Hi Rachel and thanks for the response! Also wanted to thank you for Girl of My Dreams comments. Felt good to have someone connect to it.Yeah, these have music. I'm still clueless about anything technical, so getting stuff into MP3 and getting my Taxi page up will most likely be a weeks long process. I mentioned this was my 1 and only submission 3 years ago. It was to a high bar country listing and didn't have a strong enough melody (I come from a blues/rock backgroud. Melody? What's that?). I've since learned more about melody and songwriting from a variety of sources, so now I'm finally willing to put my stuff up for public review (soon as I figure out these darn computers!)But here's what I didn't say at the beginning. The screener gave me no suggestions for lyrics, just called them remarkable. I think he gave me 8 for lyrics and 9 for marketability, so they weren't perfect, but I got the sense that with a fleshed out melody it would have been a forward. Crazy thing is, I had no idea that getting that close on my first attempt ever at country was basically a resounding success! Instead of being inspired I got discouraged, but did spend time getting more familiar with country and took a Jai Josephs class on melody. It wasn't until I attended the Rally and started reading here that I really GOT how high the bar is for these listings, and how close I'd come. Anyhow, there's "the rest of the story" on this one. Thanks a bunch for taking the time to comment. Hopefully it won't be long before I can put music up.Take care,Arthur