Out of the Blue - Request Review of Lyrics
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 4:18 pm
Hi all,
If you have time, I would appreciate your opinion on the updated lyrics and title change to my song, "Out of the Blue".
I just received a good review of the same song titled, "Forever Together Superman", and have made the advised changes (See below).
The changes to the chorus resulted in a title change as well.
Speakin of which, I'm about to change the chorus to, "Oh, won't you fly with me", thus getting rid of the words, "Baby" and "marry me" to even make it more universal.
Your thoughts?
And the rest of the chours might go like this: "I’ll be a super hero for you
Moving like a breeze
Out of the blue"
Man, I could be changing this all night.
Both versions of my song are at: www.taxi.com/paulsmusiccafe
Ignore the broadcast quality and song structure. Please focus on the lyrics.
Thanks,
Gus
Listener's comments: "Tasty guitar line in the intro. You've got a good grasp on the power of using plenty of colorful and creative imagery in your writing. The chorus hook could potentially have more of an element of universality. Actually, the first half is more universal than the second half. "You smiled when you looked at me and said, 'Forever together Superman'" is more specific to the singer's situation, and not as easily relatable (in other words, it might work better as a verse detail, rather than part of the chorus hook.) "
If you have time, I would appreciate your opinion on the updated lyrics and title change to my song, "Out of the Blue".
I just received a good review of the same song titled, "Forever Together Superman", and have made the advised changes (See below).
The changes to the chorus resulted in a title change as well.
Speakin of which, I'm about to change the chorus to, "Oh, won't you fly with me", thus getting rid of the words, "Baby" and "marry me" to even make it more universal.
Your thoughts?
And the rest of the chours might go like this: "I’ll be a super hero for you
Moving like a breeze
Out of the blue"
Man, I could be changing this all night.
Both versions of my song are at: www.taxi.com/paulsmusiccafe
Ignore the broadcast quality and song structure. Please focus on the lyrics.
Thanks,
Gus
Listener's comments: "Tasty guitar line in the intro. You've got a good grasp on the power of using plenty of colorful and creative imagery in your writing. The chorus hook could potentially have more of an element of universality. Actually, the first half is more universal than the second half. "You smiled when you looked at me and said, 'Forever together Superman'" is more specific to the singer's situation, and not as easily relatable (in other words, it might work better as a verse detail, rather than part of the chorus hook.) "
Casey