TAXI.com

I've been working on this for two weeks. I'd like to know whether you think it really needs the bridge, whether the word pictures work for you, and whether the twist works for you. Yes, the pre-chorus gets left out third time around.

Thanks for anything you can comment on!

Here's the demo:

http://www.2lateonline.com/music/So%20H ... 20That.mp3

So He Can Do That
Revised
by Michael B. Short © 2011

Friday sundown a light summer breeze
Me and Mary at the Tastee-Freeze
It's cruisin' night checkin' out the cars
All those boys all those hours
He comes to town howlin' down the road
In his Candy Apple Red GTO
Revs his engine at the traffic light
Pops the clutch he explodes into the night

A blind man can tell he's impressed with himself

Chorus
So he can do that
Count me as not carin'
It don't matter to me
So he can do that
Why are people starin'
Nothin' here to see
So he can do that

Saturday night and the midway's ablaze
The whole town's out for Heritage Days
Me and Mary strolling hand-in-hand
Ten minutes more I go sing with the band
He comes struttin' across the stage
Not one girl acts her age
The boy can sing a little bit
But I don't see why he's such a hit

Any fool can tell he's impressed with himself

Chorus
So he can do that
Count me as not carin'
It don't matter to me
So he can do that
Why are people starin'
Nothin' here to see
So he can do that

Bridge
Small town
Everyone knows
Everyone knows what everybody's doing
Small town
Everyone knows
So why was I so surprised

Sunday morning and it tastes like rain
Sky nothin' fancy, just gray and plain
Awful quiet everyone home
Good day as any to spend alone
He left town howlin' down the road
In his Candy Apple Red GTO
Damp and cold but he don't need no heat
He's got Mary in the passenger seat

Chorus
So he can do that
Count me as not carin'
It don't matter to me
So he can do that
Why are people starin'
Nothin' here to see
Nothin' here to see
So he can do that

Hi Mike

Great lyric with loads of great imagery, and I love the twist.

However, I wonder if it could be improved with a change in the structure. At the moment you've got v/p-c/c/v/p-c/c/b/v/c and it seems a bit too long to me.

Maybe if you took the idea from v 3 and converted that into a bridge so that you’ve got a simpler v/p-c/c/v/p-c/c/b/c structure that would tighten it up. Also, the twist is a surprise in itself, so I don’t think you need to ask why you were so surprised.

Something like:

Sunday morning and it looks like rain
Damp and cold but he don't need no heat
He's got Mary in the passenger seat

Just an idea.

Cheers

I've been wondering about that myself. It clocks in at about 3:55 as is. I'm wondering whether it needs the bridge at all, but "modern pop hits" as Robin Frederick would say, all seem to have them.

I'm trotting it out live a few times to see how it goes, but I'll definitely think about what you suggest.

Nice lyrics. Well written. I agree about the structure change. Most verse/chorus songs with bridges have only 2 verses and return to the chorus after the bridge.

I didn't get the word "midway". What does that mean? I'm not a small town guy.

What is your goal for the song? You mentioned pop hit. The lyrics feel more country to me than pop. Pop hits tend not to be story songs and less wordy. If you are thinking artist pitch, remember many artists won't sing a song where they don't come out looking so good, image-wise.

Best of luck,
Casey

I wonder about that Saturday Night verse. The sounds of girls not acting their ages and the boy singing well are the only things a blind guy would have going for him in that verse. How can he tell the guy is impressed with himself and not just real good at what he does? Snotty vocal delivery?

Casey,
A midway is where the carnival rides are in a small town or country fair. It tends to be very well lit in order to entice the participants to stay and buy tickets for the rides. it would also be the place where all the games of chance are being played. A stage for local performances may or may not be close to the midway, but it's more a word picture than and actual locale anyway.

The song is more country ... I was using "pop" generically. It sounds like Springsteen a little bit, the same kind of feel as Racing in the Streets. So it would be a cross between the story songs that the Boss likes, and those that are somewhat common in the country genre.

As for the artist not "looking good," I agree that could be an issue. I'm counting on an artist wanting the audience to be able to identify with him. And if it doesn't happen, I'm 56 and don't really care if I look good or not, since it's been years since I "looked" good, so I'll sing it. I'm finding the adjustment to writing for someone else harder than I expected.

shoodBworkin wrote:I wonder about that Saturday Night verse. The sounds of girls not acting their ages and the boy singing well are the only things a blind guy would have going for him in that verse. How can he tell the guy is impressed with himself and not just real good at what he does? Snotty vocal delivery?

I like "blind man" because by this verse, it's obvious the singer is the blind man. The music, with the short pre-chorus and seven line chorus, undermines the singer's cocky words as well. So I kind of think about it this way ... in the first verse, the singer is just being snotty. By the second, it's more obvious he's missed something. By the third verse, I've dropped the pre-chorus altogether (although it still gets played), because the singer finally realizes he actually has been blind.

BUT ... "idiot" scans, and would work almost as well, and gets away from the problem that most of the second verse issues are auditory. "An idiot can tell he's impressed with himself." I'll have to think about that.


Thanks to all for their comments. They make me think, which was the goal!

Mike
I love "Racing In The Street"! I'm a big fan of older Springsteen music. I haven't gotten into much of what he's done since the Born In The USA album, though.

Been thinking about the title/hook, "So he can do that". I'm thinking that a line that identifies him stronger such as "The guy with the....", "The guy who..." or something that doesn't call him "he" but gives him more identity. You call him "he" in the verses so it might be the natural thing to name him something in the chorus.

Not always, but often it's important that a title rolls off the tongue like a common phrase. "So he can do that" isn't a memorable phrase or ones that glides off the tongue. Think about titles and hook likes in popular songs.

Just my additional 2c.

Best of luck!
Casey

The title is a quote from the movie My Favorite Year, and I guess because it's been in my family's lexicon for 30 years, I thought it would be in everybody's.

Once I get the demo cleaned up, I'm going to post it and see if people have the same issues with the music attached. You may!

Mike, if you use the word "idiot" I guarantee you're gonna offend somebody or other, as the word is "an obsolete, offensive term for a person with profound mental retardation". How about "any fool" instead of "idiot"? Same number of syllables