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(my life in 3:10 ) this one's new. The tempo is a little slower and funkier, but the rhythms are a lot like Stephen Stills' "Love the one you're with". so, here it is:


I've been a gold medal winner and I've been behind bars
I've lived through addiction and disease
But when I look in the mirror at the man who's come so far
I bow my head and get down on my knees

I want to thank my family I want to thank the Lord
And every single friend who kept the faith
For all my victories and all my battle scars
Before another moment slips away I want to say
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

We all make bad decisions that others would condemn
We all want to make our Mamas proud
And when we know we've been forgiven and our hearts are on the mend
It's a second chance to live above the clouds

I want to thank my family I want to thank the Lord
And every single friend who kept the faith
For all my victories and all my battle scars
Before another moment slips away I want to say
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

Now you might think a man ain't supposed to cry
But these tears I'm shedding are the grateful kind

So I want to thank my family I want to thank the Lord
And every single friend who kept the faith
For all my victories and all my battle scars
Before another moment slips away I want to say
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you


-Ted Fox, 2011

Ted,

I loved this. It sounds like it is from the heart, and it doesn't come across as sappy to me. Your lyrics are also clear and concise ... sweet! My highest praise is always "I wouldn't change a thing". Ted ... I wouldn't change a thing!

Steve (aka, simonsays)

Wow. Steve, thank you. Ha!!

I like it too. Well written. Look forward to the demo!

Buc

Thanks, Buc. I'm looking forward to the demo, too. LOL

-suggest change to -

I've been a gold medal winner and I've been behind bars
- been gold medal winner and behind bars -

I've lived through addiction and disease
- lived through addiction, disease -

But when I look in the mirror at the man who's come so far
-when i look in mirror at man who's come so far -

I bow my head and get down on my knees
- i bow my head, get down on knees-

I want to thank my family I want to thank the Lord
- and thank Lord and family -

And every single friend who kept the faith
-and everyone else who kept the faith -

For all my victories and all my battle scars
- for all my victories and battle scars-

Before another moment slips away I want to say
- -

Thank you
- -

Thank you
- -

Thank you
- -

I'm going to be a bit of a dissenter here. But it's because I LOVE the premise, and I think you've got some work to do to make it the best it can be.

My complaint is with the second verse. Your first verse is very personal, with specific examples. The second version is all general, and while I see you're trying to include "everyone" in the verse, what happens is you lose the connection you establish with the audience in the first verse. By keeping things non-specific, you also keep them at a distance. it's a missed opportunity to keep that connection alive. let the singer tell the audience more about the singer.

You could use the second verse as a bridge, if you wanted to keep those ideas alive. But as it is, I hear too much distance between you and your audience.

Thanks for sharing.

Mike

mikeShort wrote:I'm going to be a bit of a dissenter here. But it's because I LOVE the premise, and I think you've got some work to do to make it the best it can be.

My complaint is with the second verse. Your first verse is very personal, with specific examples. The second version is all general, and while I see you're trying to include "everyone" in the verse, what happens is you lose the connection you establish with the audience in the first verse. By keeping things non-specific, you also keep them at a distance. it's a missed opportunity to keep that connection alive. let the singer tell the audience more about the singer.

You could use the second verse as a bridge, if you wanted to keep those ideas alive. But as it is, I hear too much distance between you and your audience.

Thanks for sharing.

Mike

I agree with Mike. There was an immediate disconnect going from the first verse to the second verse. It delves from being personal to being general, and it reads as an incomplete thought. You started to say one thing, "We all make bad decisions that others would condemn/We all want to make our Mamas proud" and then you jump so it feels like an incomplete thought or a line is missing to connect the next two lines.